PAD/TAD Marital Hell

[phred]

I've found, through trial and error, that its best to keep separate bank accounts.

This, though we do it a little differently - we have separate bank accounts that we go through and balance together, thus forcing us to talk about money on a regular basis with regard to household expenses, etc.
Then each of us has a personal account that is our own responsibility, and used for whatever we feel like buying.
And then we have specific, targeted savings accounts for certain projects and long-term goals.
:D And any time I get a ration over my tobacco collection, I simply raise my eyebrow and ask how many kinds of tea we have in the pantry.

 

[bryanf]

Funny. My wife doesn't care about pipes. She got a little upset when I pulled out a new pistol at the range she never knew I'd bought though. But then she shot it and understood. Good wife. Maybe you should let her smoke the new pipe first.

 

[voorhees]

wyfbane....would one of them happen to be a 1971 shell with a silver band? Man I tried to get that one...birth year thing ya know.
Shucks!

 

[numbersix]

Another method is to accumulate so many pipes that after a while your spouse won't be able to tell if there's a new addition added to your racks!!!

lol!
My wife do not have separate accounts. We live as a family unit. What's mine is hers and hers is mine. Have not had a problem with money in 23 years. However, neither of us our big spenders and we both attempt to keep things in balance.

 

[zack24]

Also reminds me of the time I bought a used road bike with a great frame and mediocre gears, pedals, etc....Over the course of a couple of years, bought brand new parts every few weeks and before I was finished replaced every part on that bike except the frame...(That marriage ended badly....)

 

[dread]

Lots of good suggestions. We are a single unit money-wise and will be for a bit with the starting a family and her going back to school for a PhD. I do well in providing for her, it is just that she does not appreciate this hobby as much as I do. I ultimately do think separate accounts are a place to be.
Assuming I survive the deluge of little brown trucks coming . . .

 

[tennsmoker]

Oh, the Brown Truck syndrome. I tell my wife that it is "a long ago back order."
As far as having so many pipes that she won't know the difference. . . . well, my wife has counted my pipes, doncha know. And now when a new one shows up she says, "So, another pipe?"
Now, here is the best part.
"No, dear, it's been backordered for a long time."
Does it work? No, but it at least gives me the opportunity to disappear quickly while she is mulling it over.

 

[tbradsim1]

What's wrong with you guys,don"t you know all pipes cost just 50$,that's what I tell my wife,she counted them one time and said that"s a lot of 50$,told her some were just 10$'

 

[drcarlo]

I know...just don't tell the price...don't tell you bought...
Wait until the comment: "I haven't seen that pipe before! What have you now purchased, you shopaholic?"

 

[ghost]

If I ever got questioned about my TAD, I'd explain the pricing structure in Canada versus the US, plus shipping etc... Aside from spending my money on what I feel like, it's actually a smart move to order so much now. Solid investment. Granted, she'd probably lose interest and leave within 30 seconds of my explanation starting. "Win-win".

 

[dragonslayer]

I feel you brother. My wife has been the financial boss for many years. May have something to do with my OCD and complete inability to comprehend the words "budget" and "responsible". So I have to run things by her first, and then sneak the other half in. ::

 

[jah76]

We have a joint account. Works for us. We both manage our own purchases. Her make up and scrapbooking. My pipes and books.
Only thing I don't like about it is that it can be hard to surprise each other on birthdays since we both look at the same account.

 

[rockymtnsmoker]

I feel your dread, Dread. My strategy is one of distraction that involves being the best possible husband and father to our child so there's really no room for complaint. At the end of the day, my missus's biggest concern is more what she perceives as the health risks than the $$ going out the door. And like many have already mentioned, dividing the dough into hers, mine and ours also helps. That, and never mentioning things like the new boots she just bought look identical to the six pairs of boots she already has in the closet :lol:

 

[dread]

Fate is an interesting thing. My wife is not a snobby person, but she has a pair of Italian designer sunglasses. She has had them for 8 years - not a status thing, she just really likes their classic look and quality.
Yesterday, while on a walk together, they slipped off of her face and smashed on the ground. Today we bought not one Italian replacement, but TWO! She couldn't decide between the black pair or the brown pair. I helpfully suggested she get both. As we left the store, she said "so, how many pipes did you order" easily putting 2+2 together. I fessed up. Mostly. And all is good.
So tonight, to celebrate avoiding the dog house, I ordered a buch of tobacco from 4noggins.
Boys are dumb and I'm no exception.
:mrgreen:

 

[metalheadycigarguy]

Here's a little advice for the married men on the forum that have wives that don't appreciate our PAD.
1. They can only complain for so long before they get tired of repeating themselves and run out of air. This is when selective hearing comes in handy.

2. The bruises they leave will only last a few days. Remember, time heals all wounds.

3. Give them the same response they give us when they make an unnecessary purchase (ie shoes, purse)... "it was on sale".
Any hell they give us is only temporary but the pipe will last forever. Enjoy the new pipes!

 

[pipestud]

Dude, you need a private P.O. box. Can't tell you how many of my customers have me ship to PO boxes to keep the hounds away.
Pipestud

 

[dread]

Well, sage advice Pipestud. Especially since I became a customer of yours during this PAD attack.

 

[430pat]

When the package shows up I tell my wife it's my E D medication from Canada,she immediately finds an excuse to go shopping and I am free to unpack new pipes and tobacco and have a relaxing smoke with no back round noise.

 

[winton]

We have a joint account. She knows how hard I work to keep the family finances strong. So she does not mind the occasional pipe fun. I save up for the annual pipe show. Actually, I would be rebuked if I spend birthday or other gift money on something needed. Then she doesn't feel guilty for spending her birthday money on quilting stuff.
Winton

 

[joeahearn]

Kashmir and the Old Cajun have summarized my strategy. Separate money and never, ever, ever, ever 'fess up that all those pipes cost more than $15 apiece...
(I also find it helps to remind my wife occasionally that when she first started dating me I was an avid cigar smoker. She is quite happy with the pipes when she remembers the alternative is cigars in "my half" of the house...)