Opinions

[mahew]

I would love to hear the opinions of the people here. My son has recently turned 18 years old, and has expressed an interest in pipe smoking. I am not certain if I should encourage or discourage his interest. I certainly realize that it his decision to make, and I would much rather he be honest with me about his decision than try and hide it from me. However, I am not sure that I should encourage the activity of smoking. As much as I enjoy smoking a pipe, is it an activity I should dissuade him from doing? A part of me would like to spend the quiet and peaceful time of contemplation with him. Another part of me says to not let him do it. I find it difficult to tell him to “do as I say, not as I do”. What do you all think?

 

[warren]

Is he making sufficient moneys to support smoking? Is it really in his best interests to encourage him for suck carcinogens into his mouth? Most know my feelings about bad decisions. Let him make his own and you won't have to shoulder any guilt later on down the road.
If outside opinions are required in your decision making with regards to what is best for your son, well .....

 

[virginialover]

I have the same thing for the past year. My son also talked to me about wanting to start pipe smoking when he reached 18 and I told him that, when he's ready, I'll be there to guide him. He will soon turn 19 but hasn't started yet. I never pressured or pushed him, it will ultimately be his choice. Needless to say that a new GBD London Made billiard is waiting on his furniture.
I have nothing to worry about as I'm an occasional smoker and the example he sees at home is in my opinion, a lesser evil. I picked up the pipe on my 18th birthday, it was a conscious decision, one that I'll never regret but I'm not my son. His reason for smoking a pipe or not will be his own.

 

[Briar Baron]

I told my son (now a teenager) he must wait until 30 then he can try it. No reason really but by that time he would be able to make the decision for better reason rather than thinking it is a fad or some such reason to start. Same reply I gave him when he asked about a tattoo.......

 

[tuold]

Mahew, you probably already know that quickest way get your son started smoking is to try and dissuade him from it =) Maybe he's past that stage already.
I took an active role in guiding my sons into pipe smoking after informing them of the responsibilities and risks involved. They were in their mid-twenties though.Neither of them got into the hobby as much as I have but that's another aspect of parenting. It's just not cool to be passionate about the same things your parents are. They both will smoke a pipe with me when they are at home but I see no evidence that it's a big part of their lives.
Incidentally, I got my first pipe when I was eighteen. I had moved out of my parent's home so they didn't have a lot to say about it. They were both cigarette smokers.
On the plus side, pipe smoking is something you two can have in common and share. It makes things easy for birthdays and Christmas. you always know what to get them!
When it comes right down to it, only you know the best course of action for your son.
Good luck!

 

[olkofri]

Buy him a pipe and teach him. Better that he learns from you that other sources.

 

[cortezattic]

IMO you have already set an example for him -- which is much more influential than anything you say verbally. If a part of him wants to emulate his dad, then it will happen. You have already taken an active role. Sit back and see how it goes. If he has questions, answer them.

 

[exbenedict]

For what it’s worth, my grandfather smoked a pipe and I never really wanted to, as I have always been an unabashed cigar smoker. However when he passed a few years ago my father didn’t know what to do with all his stuff and so he gave it to me. It sat in a closet for about a year before I pulled it out and decided to give it a try. Since then I haven’t looked back. My opinion? Let him know that you’ll show him the ins and outs when he is ready and it should be fine. I would say that same as tattoos as was pointed out but I got my first at 18 and haven’t looked back....double digits now but no job stoppers (nothing on neck or above and only one visible in a suit (my wedding ring).

 

[jvnshr]

I can't say anyone what to do or not, especially in an issue like this one. But all I can say is if you don't let him he will find a way and do it secretly. That's how we all did it if we were not allowed when we were 18.

 

[mahew]

Thank you all for the great feedback. I find myself leaning toward the sitting back and seeing what develops school of thought. I have to admit that there is a certain appeal to the idea of sharing a cocktail, a pipe, and some deep conversation with my son.

 

[sumusfumus]

Of all the dangerous things that a young man of 18 yrs. can do, I think smoking a pipe rates very low on the scale. If he tries pipe-smoking and doesn't like it, it's another step towards mature decision making because it was his choice. Young men his age are curious, and want to see if their wings will work.
Whether he ultimately likes it or hates it, be honored that he discussed the subject with you. In the end, all you can do is point out all the dangers, merits, demerits, and that all actions have consequences. But I'm certain that you already had that conversation.
You mentioned that your son ...."expressed an interest".... (I'm being presumptuous here)... If he's really excited and badly wants to start piping, if you say "no", will he try piping without your knowledge?. If he's merely just curious, I'd be inclined to let him try it. He may hate it....but he'll try the pipe with, and around, you. Growing pains can ache.
Thanks for asking and sharing your dilemma with all of us. Hoping for a solution that will make both you and your son, happy.
Frank

NYC

 

[kola]

IM, he's probably already made his mind up and looking for your approval. If you don't approve he'll probably still smoke.
At 16 my parents knew I smoked. My mom gave me an ashtry for my bedroom and said "Here's an ashtray, don't burn the house down." The legal smoking and drinking age was 18 at that time. And both were more socially accepted.

 

[seacaptain]

I would discourage him. As much as I enjoy smoking, I would never recommend or encourage anyone else to do it.

 

[madox07]

Man ... when my mom caught me smoking for the first time around 14, playing around more than smoking, I took a beating. I picked up smoking seriously around 19, when I had my own money. In spite of the fact that I accused my mother of setting a bad example for me, as she was a heavy cig smoker, and in spite of the fact that she quit smoking when she caught me doing it, I still smoked. And to this day I wish I never picked up a cigarette in my life. Like jvnshr said, I still smoked and I did it secretly, until I was 21 or so. So between cigarettes and pipe, I would definitely encourage the pipe if you don't have the option of discouraging smoking all together. If your son is prone to smoking, and if you are against him smoking a pipe, the most likely path will be cigarettes. It is easier to conceal, and they are more socially accepted among teens. If I were in your shoes ... I think I would have a similar moral dilemma. So ultimately, it is your choice, but I am afraid that the choice has already been made by your son ...

 

[warren]

Smoking parents! It's do as I say not as I do, I suppose.
I always fronted my arguments with the economics and readily admitted that my decision to smoke was not my best moment with respect to money and health. It was purely selfish on my (no one else here would make a selfish/self-indulgent decision) part. My kid was a fan of money. Worked for her. She doesn't understand why I would burn up perfectly good cash.
I should add, my daughter is much less concerned with herself, more like her late mother than her dad. She's great one!

 

[deathmetal]

I find it difficult to tell him to “do as I say, not as I do”.

You have already endorsed smoking to him with your own behavior. You might give him a risk balance assessment: "I do this because the joy it brings to my life -- enumerate here -- is greater than the risk I honestly believe I face. However, this is your decision, and I am 100% cool with whatever you choose, as long as it is not to buy Apple products and wear a fedora."

 

[workman]

I am a firm believer in respect for other peoples choices when they do not harm anyone else. My kids are still small, but my ambition is to help them become independent. If it works, they'll make such choices on their own and I may accept them, depending on how grumpy I am in 10-15 years.

 

[deathmetal]

That's a good point. Our goal is to prepare them as best we can and then let natural selection take its course.
This doubly applies to other people's children. The more dead, the higher the quality of the gene pool.

 

[mahew]

Great discussion, and a lot of great points. It is a difficult conflict to wrestle with. Protecting our children from all possible danger, and pushing them to fly out of the proverbial nest, right into all that danger.

 

[deathmetal]

They know that if they have questions, you are always there.
It is important to tell them this too, it seems.