On the Other Side Now

[Old_Newby]

After being an anti smoker for 50 years I am now on the other side. I was born with mild asthma and my mom smoked cigarettes and my father a pipe. They had no idea in 1970 that having a 5 year old in a car with windows rolled up and them smoking was a problem.

All my youth I battled breathing in sports. Everyday normal life was ok and the actual games were ok, but the conditioning such as running non stop sprints, deadman’s, or other was brutal. I could not run long distance in track. I became angry about smokers. I made my parents feel guilty and after my aunt died of lung cancer my mother quit smoking. My dad only smoked outdoors since I was 8 and eventually at age 65 he had to quit to be inside with my sick mother. He just turned 91.

I started smoking the pipe 3 years ago to get closer to my dad and it worked. When I visit him we share a pipe and I bring lots of blends which amazes him now because for his entire life he only smoked 3 blends and 2 were codgers.

However I find myself on the other side now. My son is upset I am smoking and my wife does not like it. My son used to be pre-med and gives me all the scary stuff. I tell him I only smoke outside and with wind behind me, never inhale, and it’s like sipping or tasting a candy cane and the smoke is out quickly. I tell him it’s not about the smoke but about the unique flavors and relaxation. He still worries about me.

I am enjoying my pipe adventure and sitting amongst the birds and nature enjoying a smoke is lovely, but now I am worrying about my son worrying about me. I am not quitting now and I may never quit but it’s odd being on the other side.

Has anyone else battled the family anti smoking sentiment and have any advice on how you managed it. Other than KMA.

 

[dog_park_piper]

This is a great topic.
I don't have children currently, so I cannot relate on the same level. I left a religious cult, though, in which my family and the whole community add a transcendental negativity to tobacco. My family are also in very bad shape for what they eat otherwise. When a family member heard that red meat can be harmful they claim "well, I would rather live a good life and eat tasty food I like than live longer possibly and not eat what I like." I turn the same logic on their head.

In the end, what I always say about our own life is: ''you can judge, but you can't decide."

Especially, if it brings quality time with your elderly father, then good for you!

 

[makhorkasmoker]

Personally, in a situation like you describe, I would enjoy smokes with my dad, and avoid smoking around those who are bothered. I certainly would not try to persuade anyone of anything. I see such things as matters of decorum. Just as certain men a long time ago would excuse themselves to avoid smoking in front of the ladies, or avoid smoking in situations where it was deemed inappropriate, I would avoid smoking around those it bothered for whatever reason. And when someone I care about is worried, I confess I just find a time to get away from them so that I can enjoy my pipe—and I don’t talk about it. I don’t lie if confronted, but I am rarely if ever confronted. If at that point I’m given a hard time about it, I do let my feelings be known in clear definite and even hard words, and then nothing more is ever said. I don’t say this is the best way, or even a good one, but it’s what I do

 

[Searock Fan]

After being an anti smoker for 50 years I am now on the other side. I was born with mild asthma and my mom smoked cigarettes and my father a pipe. They had no idea in 1970 that having a 5 year old in a car with windows rolled up and them smoking was a problem.

All my youth I battled breathing in sports. Everyday normal life was ok and the actual games were ok, but the conditioning such as running non stop sprints, deadman’s, or other was brutal. I could not run long distance in track. I became angry about smokers. I made my parents feel guilty and after my aunt died of lung cancer my mother quit smoking. My dad only smoked outdoors since I was 8 and eventually at age 65 he had to quit to be inside with my sick mother. He just turned 91.

I started smoking the pipe 3 years ago to get closer to my dad and it worked. When I visit him we share a pipe and I bring lots of blends which amazes him now because for his entire life he only smoked 3 blends and 2 were codgers.

However I find myself on the other side now. My son is upset I am smoking and my wife does not like it. My son used to be pre-med and gives me all the scary stuff. I tell him I only smoke outside and with wind behind me, never inhale, and it’s like sipping or tasting a candy cane and the smoke is out quickly. I tell him it’s not about the smoke but about the unique flavors and relaxation. He still worries about me.

I am enjoying my pipe adventure and sitting amongst the birds and nature enjoying a smoke is lovely, but now I am worrying about my son worrying about me. I am not quitting now and I may never quit but it’s odd being on the other side.

Has anyone else battled the family anti smoking sentiment and have any advice on how you managed it. Other than KMA.

Seems I've heard this story a couple times before. My advise to you, for what it's worth, is, "screw em, do what you want."

 

[PA Piper Mike]

It's easy to knock something you know little about, or only know the statistics and talking points. Smoking bad! Causes cancer....yada yada yada. What good is a life of pure healthiness and little to no enjoyment of vices? I'd rather die a few years shorter, living life with enjoyment, eating red meat, drinking alcohol and smoking pipes and cigars, than live longer without any of it. Besides, done in moderation, there's most likely no detriment to your life. In fact, it may even prolong your life due to those items relaxing you and helping reduce stress.

My thoughts? Explain to your son how you were in his shoes back then....then ask him to try a few bowls with you, like you did and do with your father before he truly casts his judgment. Best case scenario, the 3 of you have something additional to bond over. Worst case, you're still in the same situation you are now.

 

[RookieGuy80]

Well, my situation is a little different. My family would rather I don't smoke. And that's fine with me, they all do stuff I wish they wouldn't so that makes us even I figure. They are coming around to the fact that pipes aren't cigarettes.

I understand how you feel about your son. I can't help you there. It's coming from a good place. But if it wasn't pipes/tobacco, it would be your motorcycle or classic car (with no safety features), the mercury from the fish you catch and eat, hunting, whatever it is you would have found. They're loved ones, we tend to worry about each other. You can prolong your life or live it. Or you can do like most people and try to prolong it while making it enjoyable.

 

[kcghost]

It is awfully difficult to stand up to family. That's tough.

 

[woodsroad]

For people in my family:
“I greatly appreciate your concern, but don’t you have your own life to live?”

For people outside my immediate family:
(Blank stare)

Seriously, though, my family accepts that smoking a pipe brings me pleasure and enjoyment.

 

[Chasing Embers]

I just ask them if they've looked into the side effects that their psychiatric medications can cause. Being the oldest member of the family, they've learned that their opinions don't sway me in the slightest.

 

[mso489]

Sometimes I have chosen family over smoking. I was a non-smoker all through my growing up years, but I never suggested my dad quit smoking his pipe because it was just part of who he was. He finally quit at age 65 to take a job at a non-smoking campus, but I had nothing to do with his decision.

My late wife had a three pack a day cigarette habit, and she tried to quit three times, and when she finally did, I quit smoking my pipe in solidarity ... anything to support her decision, though she never mentioned my pipe smoking related to her quitting. I kept my pipes and a few blends, but I put them away.

There is no science that suggests that her final illness was smoking related. After ten years as a widower, i remarried.

My wife tolerates my pipe smoking indoors or out. I'm a moderate smoker, and she smoked heavy-duty cigarettes, Lucky Strikes and unfiltered French cigarettes, before she quit decades ago.

So it is always a balancing act, as are most human relations and relationships. I guess when it comes down to it, I accommodate my people, but I do enjoy a pipe, and the occasional cigar.

 

[bullet08]

My sons knew I smoked since they were in diaper. They do suggest I cut don't, but they know who's the father, and they know I'll smoke till I die.

 

[anotherbob]

After being an anti smoker for 50 years I am now on the other side. I was born with mild asthma and my mom smoked cigarettes and my father a pipe. They had no idea in 1970 that having a 5 year old in a car with windows rolled up and them smoking was a problem.

All my youth I battled breathing in sports. Everyday normal life was ok and the actual games were ok, but the conditioning such as running non stop sprints, deadman’s, or other was brutal. I could not run long distance in track. I became angry about smokers. I made my parents feel guilty and after my aunt died of lung cancer my mother quit smoking. My dad only smoked outdoors since I was 8 and eventually at age 65 he had to quit to be inside with my sick mother. He just turned 91.

I started smoking the pipe 3 years ago to get closer to my dad and it worked. When I visit him we share a pipe and I bring lots of blends which amazes him now because for his entire life he only smoked 3 blends and 2 were codgers.

However I find myself on the other side now. My son is upset I am smoking and my wife does not like it. My son used to be pre-med and gives me all the scary stuff. I tell him I only smoke outside and with wind behind me, never inhale, and it’s like sipping or tasting a candy cane and the smoke is out quickly. I tell him it’s not about the smoke but about the unique flavors and relaxation. He still worries about me.

I am enjoying my pipe adventure and sitting amongst the birds and nature enjoying a smoke is lovely, but now I am worrying about my son worrying about me. I am not quitting now and I may never quit but it’s odd being on the other side.

Has anyone else battled the family anti smoking sentiment and have any advice on how you managed it. Other than KMA.

I say thank them for their concern and you do genuinely appreciate it, however you feel they're misinformed and feel that what you get out of it is well worth the risks.

 

[OverMountain]

I say thank them for their concern and you do genuinely appreciate it, however you feel they're misinformed and feel that what you get out of it is well worth the risks.

This. Keeping the respect and love up front is important. Enjoying pipe tobacco is a risk (albeit I think a small one).

My grandfather when in nursing care told me he wished he had never quit smoking. He enjoyed a small cigar after dinner and I think I will also enjoy my pipes from time to time. Enjoy the time with your dad, it’s pure gold.

 

[Doctor Chopper]

After being an anti smoker for 50 years I am now on the other side. I was born with mild asthma and my mom smoked cigarettes and my father a pipe. They had no idea in 1970 that having a 5 year old in a car with windows rolled up and them smoking was a problem.

All my youth I battled breathing in sports. Everyday normal life was ok and the actual games were ok, but the conditioning such as running non stop sprints, deadman’s, or other was brutal. I could not run long distance in track. I became angry about smokers. I made my parents feel guilty and after my aunt died of lung cancer my mother quit smoking. My dad only smoked outdoors since I was 8 and eventually at age 65 he had to quit to be inside with my sick mother. He just turned 91.

I started smoking the pipe 3 years ago to get closer to my dad and it worked. When I visit him we share a pipe and I bring lots of blends which amazes him now because for his entire life he only smoked 3 blends and 2 were codgers.

However I find myself on the other side now. My son is upset I am smoking and my wife does not like it. My son used to be pre-med and gives me all the scary stuff. I tell him I only smoke outside and with wind behind me, never inhale, and it’s like sipping or tasting a candy cane and the smoke is out quickly. I tell him it’s not about the smoke but about the unique flavors and relaxation. He still worries about me.

I am enjoying my pipe adventure and sitting amongst the birds and nature enjoying a smoke is lovely, but now I am worrying about my son worrying about me. I am not quitting now and I may never quit but it’s odd being on the other side.

Has anyone else battled the family anti smoking sentiment and have any advice on how you managed it. Other than KMA.

We all have. Just don't smoke more than 1-2 bowls per day and the risk is negligible. Don't become a nicotine addict.

 

[Doctor Chopper]

This is a great topic.
I don't have children currently, so I cannot relate on the same level. I left a religious cult, though, in which my family and the whole community add a transcendental negativity to tobacco. My family are also in very bad shape for what they eat otherwise. When a family member heard that red meat can be harmful they claim "well, I would rather live a good life and eat tasty food I like than live longer possibly and not eat what I like." I turn the same logic on their head.

In the end, what I always say about our own life is: ''you can judge, but you can't decide."

Especially, if it brings quality time with your elderly father, then good for you!

Love it!!

 

[anotherbob]

This. Keeping the respect and love up front is important. Enjoying pipe tobacco is a risk (albeit I think a small one).

My grandfather when in nursing care told me he wished he had never quit smoking. He enjoyed a small cigar after dinner and I think I will also enjoy my pipes from time to time. Enjoy the time with your dad, it’s pure gold.

I have often even to doctors said look I'd rather die from something that I derive great pleasure from and which is important to me then to live a long life deprived of that thing. On that front sometimes it's useful to bring up harm reduction with family or doctors.

 

[VirginiaMan]

I dont worry to much about what other people think. I dont smoke inside and i dont smoke in excess. My family accepts that i enjoy the pipe and cigars.

 

[Old_Newby]

Thanks everyone. Some good advice. More than anything else it’s good to hear others face the same challenge. I am not quitting until I am ready to if ever. But will take my son (25 yes) to the golf course and offer him a cigar.

 

[Michigan_Bill]

My wife has been unhappy with my pipe smoking for a good while now. She didn't tell her girlfriends because she feared their reaction. So just recently at her kaffe klatch she told them about her husband's "habit." To her surprise, the girlfriends assured her it was no big deal and horrified her with lurid stories about other husbands and their vices!

What an attitude adjustment!

 

[David D. Davidson]

I didn’t share my enjoyment of smoking for several years because I was afraid my family would worry about me endlessly, but when I shared my vice with them, they were all very understanding and supportive, having apparently already understood the distinction between cigarettes vs pipes and cigars. I still don’t smoke around them when I visit, and I hide the pipes away when they visit me. I don’t want to make any form of smoking more normalized for my brothers, simply because the marginal risk from pipe smoking is acceptable to put on myself, but I would never want to put any additional health risks on my family, least of all my brothers, through normalizing smoking. An emotional decision, but what eldest sibling isn’t overly protective?

I do recall being a youngster out on the lake with my dad, fishing on a beautiful Saturday afternoon, and being heartbroken when he lit up a cigar, certain that at any minute he was sure to keel over from this weapons grade fumigation-based suicide aid. They really drilled into your head as a kid that tobacco might as well be cyanide I might even have convinced him to throw the thing overboard - I’ll have to buy him a few nice replacements for his birthday now that I unearthed this memory!