My Wife Said To Me. "Only You Honey"

[indianafrank]

I’m standing in line at Barnes & Noble when suddenly I felt a sharp pain on my butt. I yelled out in pain, and grabbed the sore spot. I turned around, and I see a woman behind me saying to her son.
“Chucky. I told you not to do that.”
I’m rubbing my butt and staring in disbelief at this woman and her 4 or 5 year old son who just bit me on the ass.
I said to her. “You mean he’s done this before?”
“I’m sorry. Does it hurt that bad?” She says sarcastically.
“Does it hurt? Your son bit me. How do you think it feels?” I was mad and she knew it.
Then she has the nerve to say. “I think you’re over reacting sir. Calm down.”
I swear, if that kid was mine, and he had bit someone on the ass, or on any part of their body, I would have grabbed him by the ears and dragged him outside.
“Over reacting you say? Do you realize what a nasty infection I could get if he had broken my skin?”
In her arrogance she tells me. “It’s an accident sir. I’ve told him before not to bite people.”
No apology came. Now I’m really mad.
“Lady, if your son has a habit of biting people maybe you should put a muzzle on him.”
She then turns and walks away saying, “Well I never. Come on Chucky this man obviously has an attitude.”
Now don’t get me wrong. I love kids. As a matter of fact I’m one of them. All the young kids in the neighborhood want to play with me. But this kid who bit me…
Fortunately the little vampire did not break my skin.

 

[deathmetal]

That kid has serious life issues coming. You were restrained. But what can you do with crazy, except deport it?

 

[tarheel1]

Boy that is dangerous now days. You get a vet who has ptsd and great reactions and who knows what would have happened. Kid needs his was beat. I am only 37, but this current of generations of parents are crap. Spank your Damn kids. Teach them right and wrong and that there are always consequences for their behavior. The dam n kid will never learn and will wind up either in jail or do nothing good for society.

 

[weezell]

I would have went to jail for my reaction to the little piece of shit :twisted: ...

 

[warren]

That lad is, what we used to call in the business, "job security."

 

[pipestud]

Indianafrank, you have written more great life stories here than I am actually willing to believe. But, this one may be the best yet!

 

[mothernaturewilleatusallforbreakfast]

I'm not even sure what to say? You handled it better than I probably would have. That kid's been told that he's the center of the universe too much.

 

[tuold]

His name was actually Chucky? Now that is scary!

Seriously, that kid has some sort of problem beyond anything his mother can help.

 

[gloucesterman]

Seems to me His problem is his mother.

 

[gtrhtr]

Wow, you were more civil than I ever could have been.

 

[samcoffeeman]

Does this sort of thing happen to you often? Hilarious from afar! That kid needs some discipline.

 

[theosprey247]

I would have asked the kid, "how did I taste?"
On a more serious note the kid may have issues....most likely his mother.

 

[frozenchurchwarden]

I'm betting you would have been in the right to call the police, but practically speaking it sounds like the kids mom needs a good talking to.

 

[derfargin]

“Well I never. Come on Chucky this man obviously has an attitude.”

Where do you live? The 50's?

 

[jkrug]

I would have went to jail for my reaction to the little piece of shit

Me too, they tend to frown upon a grown man punching a child in the face. :evil:

 

[carver]

I would have tried to make him bite his mum. " Come on kid, your mom is OK, your bite her as you just bit me".

Pretty sure that would be a reality check for the mom.

 

[jazz]

It is hard to know what to say to this except that I really know how this feels. I had my nose bitten off in a completely unprovoked attack by a woman in a pub who I had never met or spoken to. The only reason for this was I looked at her as she was shouting at some poor young woman reading a book and minding her own business.
The surgeon was very good and I am lucky in that you would never know it happened unless you look very closely. That woman went to prison for this assault but only for 9 months and she only served half. Despite the fact that she had a long record of Actual Bodily Harm and Grievous Bodily Harm.
Having experienced this my reaction would have been far more severe than yours.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

You must be giving off some pretty unusual pheromones or have something in the way you dress that attracts this sort of craziness. And, you're lucky, because most of my day is pretty boring. Sometimes, I long to get bit while standing in line. It's true, I'll be standing there daydreaming about smoking my pipe while wearing spandex and painting over the eyes on Barbie dolls, and the thought will cross my mind... I could use a good bite to really spark things off for me today, ha ha.
Great story. Too bad that you didn't fart on him. But then, that would require quite a bit of fart-on-command power.

 

[indianafrank]

Indianafrank, you have written more great life stories here than I am actually willing to believe. But, this one may be the best yet!

Does this sort of thing happen to you often? Hilarious from afar! That kid needs some discipline.

Like my wife always says. "It only happens to you honey."
Hey, it's not easy being me.

 

[brian64]

@jazz: Holy crap...that's rather disturbing. I wonder what else that psycho has done since being let loose so quickly. Statistically women are given much more lenient sentences than men for the same crimes (just another example of "male privilege" I guess).
@indianafrank: LOL ... you need to hire an artist and write a graphic novel of your life experiences.