My Son is Interested in Pipes

[escioe]

My abject apologies. I thought you asked, "Am I wrong here?" and "Thoughts?" Sorry 'bout that.

It's almost as if there is more than one way to raise a kid.
I don't have any of my own, but let me say that my dad is basically my best friend. He wasn't strict when I was growing up, but there were expectations to be met. All he had to say was 'I'm disappointed with you,' and that was that. I smoked a pipe in front of my dad for the first time when I was 19, also the first time I drank in front of him. It was fine. We have a great relationship and I haven't hid anything from him. Parenting need not be adversarial. No one is suggesting being your kid's enabler, but clearly there is some sort of middle ground where you can be firm but still likable. If what you're saying Warren is that being firm is more important than likable, then I agree with that. But having both is a possibility, at least in my experience.

 

[joseywales]

I have a similar struggle. I have older and younger children. I'm at the age where I'm caring even more less what others think than before. My medical history has been excellent and I told my wife that I can't afford to live past 80, so I need some vices! Still, I don't want to send the wrong message to the younger children. I've managed it fairly well I think and my wife agrees. BTW, my mother smoked herself into a coffin. I just never had the urge, even as a teen or later in life. Now I enjoy an occasional cigar and recently found you folks...
Advice the OP could pass on to his son:
1 - Don't inhale
2 - EVERYTHING in moderation. Alcohol, water, milk, tobacco, praying, exercise, EVERYTHING

 

[cfreud]

Smoking a pipe/cigar with my father was one of the few things we had in common. Pop got very excited when I turned 16 and gave me a cigar that knocked me on my you know what. I actually got interested in pipes and cigars on my own in college, and Pop was happy to share. It was a good thing. (As far as a mom's reaction in the scenario, mothers generally express their opinions. My very quiet Mom is not shy. If your wife has an issue, she'll say something. My mom was just happy Pop and I weren't trying kill each other when we shared a smoke.) I now have Pop's pipes because he passed in 2006. (Obesity, not the occasional pipe/cigar, did him in.) When I'm enjoying a book with a pipe, I feel like he's with me.
Your son is 17, and you can share something with him. That's great. Happy smoking. And good for your son on having a job to earn some $$ at his age. It's important to start learning the value of a dollar.

 

[warren]

I was actually a fairly lax disciplinarian. I attribute that to the goal my wife and I set. We did everything possible to teach the kid to make her own decisions. We taught her to weigh her decisions against whatever plans or goals she had. The main thought was to be: would a particular action or decision assist in attaining her goals?
She's done quite well for herself and credits us with setting fairly high standards of performance. Nothing unattainable of course. Just standards that sometimes required her to exert more effort than she thought she was capable of.
Her mother was quite proud of her daughter and what she morphed into from a wiggly, tiny baby into a well rounded adult who contributes.
I can truthfully say that I have no regrets as to how we raised her.

 

[mephistopheles]

Not having regrets is good to hear, Warren. :clap:
I'm so straight edged that my parents actually encouraged me to get a little wild in the last 5 years and it's been to my benefit. I've always wondered if they started to encourage me so I wouldn't freak out when I started college. It's exactly like what MSO said about alcohol. They've encouraged me to pursue sex in the context of a loving relationship instead of waiting, alcohol in moderation, and to spend money (when I actually have any!) on things that I really want if I've budgeted properly. Pipe smoking, however, has been frowned upon like no other despite my dad enjoying a cigar now and then. I can have lots of girls over to the house at all hours of the night and day, but I can't smoke. :evil:

 

[smeigs]

From the perspective of a son. My parents used to let me host "cigar night" my senior year of high school. We all sat around the fire and smoked cigars and had a good ol time. We were all 17 and good kids. My parents knew very well that if I wasn't smoking a cigar at their house, I would be out somewhere else doing it. We were all responsible and smoked respectfully. I think it is a good thing that you are with your son during this process. As long as he is responsible with his money and smokes a pipe in moderation, I dont see any issue with it. I actually started smoking a pipe before my father did, I got him in to the hobby haha! He sounds like a good kid... And remember, good people smoke pipes.

 

[espear]

I would see this as an opportunity to be cherished between father and son. If we want this great hobby to continue and grow, we need to be supportive and encouraging of the next generation of pipe smokers. The internet is full of sites and forums and videos where new and younger pipe smokers are reaching out to each other to get information and exchange ideas. There are pipe clubs starting on college campuses and plenty of "how to smoke a pipe" videos on Youtube.

This is your chance to be a good example to your son about moderation and spend some great time with him. It may fade with time or it might be the start of a life time of enjoyment with friends and family. Enjoy these moments and his desire to spend time with you.

 

[newbroom]

There are a couple of 'father/son' youtube teams I can think of. I wonder when the sons began their 'quest'?

Hypocrisy is the worst form of dishonesty.