My Son is Interested in Pipes

[metalheadycigarguy]

I'm not in that situation yet, because my kids have 10 years to go before reaching the legal age 18. I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong, but if my kids (twin boys) were interested in pipes and cigars at 17; I would tell them that if they're still interested in either at age 18 then I would treat them to a special birthday. Most likely buy them a nice pipe or box of cigars etc. and make it a unique experience. Of course one that I won't be sharing with the wife, because she'll kick my butt!

 

[werebear]

@boilermakerandy, IMHO, well not opinion but fact, the bottom line is it is illegal for your seventeen year old to smoke. If he is interested make him wait.

 

[dottiewarden]

Thoughts?

It's far to easy to give an opinion in generalized terms. The parent or parents of a specific child will have to face such dilemas on a case by case basis. IMHO, the most important things a parent can earn from their child is respect and the confidence to talk things out rather than just do things behind the parents' backs. Every 17 year old will naturally start to experiment with different things as part of a way to define a personal identity. There is no replacement for the quality time you spend together during such formative years, the highest risk years, so feel very fortunate that he confides enough in you to express his controversial interests. Besides he'll probably get bored of it and move on to more interesting things fsirly soon, snd if not, well he would've done it anyway with or without your supervision. It sounds as if you know your son well enough so trust yourself on the decision you have made. Good parenting I say!
Conversely, I have to respect warren's strict parenting techniques that are for the most part effective, but not all cases are the same as we've all seen many a rebellious child come from a well disciplined household. Many kids learn how to get away with things behind the parents' backs and by the time you figure out what's going on it's way to late.
Congratulations warren for your success as a parent.
Congratulations boilermakerandy for your success as a parent as well!

 

[werebear]

@boilermakerandy, IMHO, well not opinion but fact, the bottom line is it is illegal for your seventeen year old to smoke. If he is interested make him wait.

 

[boilermakerandy]

@boilermakerandy, IMHO, well not opinion but fact, the bottom line is it is illegal for your seventeen year old to smoke. If he is interested make him wait.

I suppose, but I'll be the judge of what he is and isn't allowed to do under my roof, not the government. I allow him to have a beer once in while and that is technically illegal, too. I've always told him not to sneak around but talk to me about these things and he does. I don't want my kids to end up like a guy I went to high school with who went to college with me and then went crazy once he got out from under his very strict parent's roof. He never graduated and ended up an alcoholic.

 

[fmgee]

I find this an interesting if slightly heated discussion. I grew up with strict parents and experimented very little. It was not the parenting that lead to what I did (or didn't do) it was who I was (or am?). My brother got the same parenting and experimented with a whole lot. My sister was more like me but I really think she should have experimented more! Sometimes it is our vices and interests that give us time and space to find and feel our true hearts. Since becoming a parent myself I have pondered more about my own up bringing and that of friends. The one thing I know is that open communication is key. My kids are not yet at the teenage years but I imagine them to be similar to the terrible twos (if on a potentially much grander scale). There is the potential for them to really play with and learn about their surroundings but this time approaching the adult level. If I cannot control everything they want to participate in I can at least try and stay part of the conversation and offer a safe environment just like I have to a screaming toddler (mind you that was a complete lack of conversation and ignoring what was happening). I'd rather my daughter have too much to drink in my house and not in some park with boys around. Just like a biting two year old there are certain teenage things I would not tolerate at all. But I will pick my battles carefully. A bellowing roar is likely to get heard and listened to if you use it sparingly.
BoilermakerAndy: The fact you posted your initial comment here shows your awareness of a delicate situation. I hope you enjoy sharing a bowl with your son.

 

[stephenw]

I started smoking cheap cigars when I was 16 years old. A bunch of my friends would all go camping and we would smoke and drink whatever alcohol we could get our hands on. I began smoking a pipe in college at the ripe old age of 18. Your son is very close to that age where he can purchase what he wants, but he is honest enough with you to let you know that he is interested in pipe smoking. My main concern is what the neighbors are going to do. They can cause you more headaches than you ever thought possible.
Only you and your son can make the final decision, and once he turns 18, you can be left out of the equation. Personally I would not actively encourage him to pick up the pipe, but I would be very proud of his honesty and trust in you, and as has been said, there are much worse activities that could interest him. Enjoy your time with your son in the way you see best.

 

[boilermakerandy]

Stephen,
Thanks for the thoughts. Speaking of the neighbors...I live in the South in a small sub-division in a northern Atlanta suburb. People here generally have respect for personal liberty and I would be shocked if anyone ever said a word if they saw my son with a pipe and if they did I would be even more shocked that the authorities here would care. It's pretty much live and let live here as long as you aren't harming anyone, people here are pretty libertarian in their outlook.
I really think if I allow it and don't put my foot down he will do it for a short time until the novelty wears off and that will be the end of it. I learned long ago with kids it is best to pick your battles wisely.

 

[woodsroad]

Seems to me that the OP is seeking approval, not debate.

 

[voorhees]

Coming from a somewhat strict upbringing, I can attest to having a overbearing father and the pros and cons of that childhood. While I hated not being able to do things I wanted as a teen, I was keenly aware that my father was the rebellious, down with authority type when he was younger and even now. So, I shared little with him and we have very little in common today. I love him, but he was a "dictator" when it really came down to it.

So, I think the OP is doing the right thing by including his son is his interest and building some bond. Without the "my way or the highway" mentality.

 

[warren]

Woods: That may be a correct observation. If one is uncertain about a decision, it can be nice to find outside support. I tend to trust my instinct in most cases as others usually have no stake in the results of that decision.
I thought he was looking for input so I offered up my experience.
Here is a truth for you: You'll won't know exactly what your child was up to until a family gathering 20 or 30 years later. Then a sibling will snitch or the child will let something slip out with a sly grin. "See! You really didn't know what I was up to all the time."

 

[mso489]

When I was in high school and underage, my folks would let me come home from school and have a beer.

In my particular case, it was a brilliant strategy. When I got to college, the idea of getting sloshed on a

recreational basis didn't make any sense. My life hasn't been perfect, but alcohol has never been a problem.

 

[boilermakerandy]

Warren,
Not seeking approval at all. We obviously have different approaches to parenting. Thank you for your input. I'll leave it at that.

 

[warren]

My abject apologies. I thought you asked, "Am I wrong here?" and "Thoughts?" Sorry 'bout that.

 

[winton]

Shortly after I started smoking a pipe, I found out about the Chicago Pipe Show. The next year, I took my 18 year old son, at the time, to the show. He shares my interest in fine woodworking. But he had / has zero interest in smoking pipes or anything. I offered him the chance and he refused.

 

[chalbach72]

As an almost 19-year old newcomer to pipes, I thought perhaps I could add some insight into this matter
I, as a person of similar age, would say go ahead and let him enjoy the hobby! If he is almost of age and is smoking with your consent, I see no problem here! I don't have a parent who shares my interest, rather a college buddy who got me into the hobby, and I think that having him there as a part of my growing love of the hobby has helped develop my rituals and preferences in the hobby. Now while I've got my own tobacco/packing preferences, I can say that my friend helped develop my love of a social smoke rather than a lone smoke, and things of that nature. I think that having you as a "guiding hand" in this hobby is a wonderful thing, as you can help him learn the "ins and outs" of the hobby and what/what not to do in pipe smoking!

 

[boilermakerandy]

My abject apologies. I thought you asked, "Am I wrong here?" and "Thoughts?" Sorry 'bout that.

No problem here Warren and an apology is not necessary. We apparently just have differing philosophies on parenting but I am sure we agree on many other things. I hope you are enjoying a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend with a bowl or two (or many) of fine tobacco.

 

[woodsroad]

I love when sarcasm is taken earnestly

 

[boilermakerandy]

I love when sarcasm is taken earnestly

I'm quite aware it was a sarcastic and unnecessary reply to me. I simply took the high road rather than responding in kind.

 

[drwatson]

There are many responses to your question. Some positive, some negative. Bottom line, you are the parent if you are ok, then so are we! Or atleast ME! Personally I have bought pipes for all my sons for when they are older, each a birth year pipe. They are 2,5 and 8 right now. They also get an unopened Christmas Cheer birth year. If they embrace the habit/tradition great. If they don't great. Maybe they will atleast hold on to the pipes for memory of Dad? Many of us have mentioned fathers,grandfathers,uncles,etc... and how they may have influenced us. Hell I used to sit on grandpas lap and play with his pipe.