Regardless of the cause or reason, my prayers go out to you. It’s a challenge no matter what. God Bless you.
How Many of you are Divorced?
- Thread starter didimauw
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I see it a little differently. Love is an emotion. Keeping it alive is a thousand decisions.
Lets assume (among westerners) the 50% divorce rate is true. This thread immediately becomes dangerous territory. Those who are divorced have shown that they double down on their decision. Those who commit to their marriages would double down on theirs. Are people genuinely interested in helping you, or just validating their own choices? Some comments are already showing how polarizing this decision can be.
Why did you got married? Are you religious and wanted to honor that? Was purely for legal benefit? Or just because thats 'what people do' when they love eachother?
I got married to honor Christian instruction & tradition, so I would not heed advice from either internet party, rather, just follow Biblical principles for marriage & divorce. I've only been married 3.5 years, my relationship has not been tested yet. Best of luck to you and your wife.
Why did you got married? Are you religious and wanted to honor that? Was purely for legal benefit? Or just because thats 'what people do' when they love eachother?
I got married to honor Christian instruction & tradition, so I would not heed advice from either internet party, rather, just follow Biblical principles for marriage & divorce. I've only been married 3.5 years, my relationship has not been tested yet. Best of luck to you and your wife.
We separated for a year. I think it helped. We had our differences, and argued a lot, still do. But love her too much to let her go. At my less than really old age, things are more mellow and we are better at understanding each other. And kids do help. Great boys.
Good luck with your situation. Why not try separation first? Little breathing room for both of you guys?
Good luck with your situation. Why not try separation first? Little breathing room for both of you guys?
The rate of divorce is irrelevant to any individual situation and I don't see any polarizing comments, or anything about this situation that is other than supportive.
The questions are pointless.
Best of luck to you and your family @didimauw - life just keeps coming, we all figure out how to keep going!
My second marriage, I was married for one day. She told me that she was pregnant, we married, she went to her doctor the next day, found out it wasn't mine, so we cut ties. 14 years later my state drags my ass to court for back child support with her crying to the judge saying it was not my child. Alabama passed a law that says that whose baby it is, is irrelevant, we were married so... I was screwed. They also passed a law that said that if the mother becomes disabled, and her kid draws a check during that period, I had to pay it back. So, I paid it back to the state. The mother was ordered to accept my child support, but instead she signed a whole book of receipts saying that she had already received my money, so that I was free of that.
The child still comes to visit, even though she knows that i am not her biological dad. She is coming for dinner this week. She just never had a dad, so I stepped up. Feels a little weird at times, but she is a sweety.
I have no other words to describe this, but tonight I'm going to try to convince her about separation. Based on EVERYTHING that she wants from this, I think it's exactly what she and I want. I was reading about it last night, and she said she would discuss it with me.
This would make me the happiest guy in the world.
The national numbers/rate of divorce can be damned important if one of the parties is unsure about their decision and turns to what others are doing for validation. For many people, what others do, in similar circumstances, becomes a major determinate in their decision making process. Never underestimate the importance of stats for many people who maybe shy of decision making abilities.
Something some might find of interest: I read a lot about men’s issues and folks that study this stuff. It is said that women initiate something like 80% of divorces in the US. I can totally see this being true since many times men are oblivious to problems while the woman has been unhappy for years.
I personally don’t believe it’s possible to fully please women. They don’t even know what they want or what makes them happy most of the time, and even if they figure it out it will soon change.
I saw a quote from Freud once toward the end of his life. He had studied human behavior his whole career and said he never ended up figuring out what women want. Whether you agree with his philosophy is irrelevant, but his comment is telling.
I personally don’t believe it’s possible to fully please women. They don’t even know what they want or what makes them happy most of the time, and even if they figure it out it will soon change.
I saw a quote from Freud once toward the end of his life. He had studied human behavior his whole career and said he never ended up figuring out what women want. Whether you agree with his philosophy is irrelevant, but his comment is telling.
I also suspect that more than 50% of all infidelity is on the wife. Men take the rap for being dogs, but I also notice that married women are very flirty. My first wife screwed about half the town before we divorced.
Gotta joke for yas.... Man walks into the bedroom with a duck under his arm, and says, this is the pig I've been fucking. The wife says that's a duck, not a pig. The man says, shut up, I wasn't talking to you.
Nice! Here’s one a now-deceased coworker was fond of saying:I also suspect that more than 50% of all infidelity is on the wife. Men take the rap for being dogs, but I also notice that married women are very flirty. My first wife screwed about half the town before we divorced.
Gotta joke for yas.... Man walks into the bedroom with a duck under his arm, and says, this is the pig I've been fucking. The wife says that's a duck, not a pig. The man says, shut up, I wasn't talking to you.
Husband walks in on his wife in bed with another man.
Husband: “What’s going on here?!?”
Woman (turns to lover): “See, I told you he was stupid.”
This is true for me. I went through two really rocky times in my marriage and both times I had no idea that there was an issue. I consider myself pretty sensitive and perceptive but it hit me out of nowhere. We are in a much better place because we went to therapy together and really worked on things. I’m not sure if it was mentioned but @didimauw did you guys try couples therapy?
Every one of my friends that have gotten divorced (and it’s quite a few) it was due to the woman cheating.I also suspect that more than 50% of all infidelity is on the wife. Men take the rap for being dogs, but I also notice that married women are very flirty. My first wife screwed about half the town before we divorced.
Gotta joke for yas.... Man walks into the bedroom with a duck under his arm, and says, this is the pig I've been fucking. The wife says that's a duck, not a pig. The man says, shut up, I wasn't talking to you.
This describes a great many people, regardless of gender. I don't even fully please me, why would I full please anyone else. What makes for hell is when you are attached (in whatever manner, personally or professionally) to someone who makes it a point to not be pleased by ANYTHING you do.
If there is any way possible to salvage your marriage, I would do it. Marriage can be very, very tough.
Don’t agree in general or in this situation - 1/2 the people are, 1/2 the people aren’t is a tossup, not validation, IMO. I don’t view decisions about things inherently emotional and highly personal as being stat driven.
Who were they cheating with? Might have been a few men in the mix, cheating on their spouses of significant others.
No we haven't, but Im going to try to convince her to legally separate. I truly think that's what will be best. Do our own thing for a little while.
Thank you all for the responses. Like I said the two of us are going to talk more tonight. Im going to close this one, before it becomes....to much. Thank you all again for your support, anecdotes, tips, and advice. I appreciate all of you.
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