Groaners

[grouchydog]

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

 

[darthcider]

How do you get Pikachu on to the bus?

You poke him on.

 

[huntertrw]

Sign seen in a pawn shop:
Our Credit Manager is Helen Waite.

If you want credit here go to Helen Waite.

 

[hextor]

(while eating and orange)

orange you glad its Friday tomorrow!! :roll:

 

[thebadkitty]

Parmenides walks into a coffee shop. The barista asks him, "Same as always?" Parmenides nods.
Ba Dum Pshhh

 

[thebadkitty]

Gottfried Leibniz comes in a few minutes later and orders a muffin. The barista tells him he's lucky, it's the last one and starts bagging it. Just then Isaac Newton shoves his way to the counter saying Leibniz cut in front of him and he was first. Leibniz insists he was first. They start brawling on the floor of the coffee shop.

 

[derfatdutchman]

A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?"

 

[aldecaker]

The horse says back, "My wife just died, jerk".

 

[hextor]

this works on women, especially the real purdy ones, -hey girl, psss, hey purdy ladyyy, psss psss, hey beautiful, are you from Tennessee, because you are the only ten I see, I promise you, I men's warehouse guarantee you 100% , that it only works 1% at a time, guaranteed!!!

 

[jvnshr]

An Englishman goes to the States, rents a car, exceeds the speed limit and is pulled over by police:
- Did you come here to die?

- No, I came yesterday.