Groaners

[huntertrw]

What do you call the act of teaching tbradsim1's cousin, Edward?
Educajun.

 

[huntertrw]

Did you see where Aer Lingus, the flag air-carrier of Ireland, intends to expand into rail service and will be constructing a new, competing, railway under the English Channel?
They plan to call it ChunneLingus.

 

[conlejm]

What do you call the back door of a cafeteria?
Bacteria!

 

[aldecaker]

@Hunter- reminds me of the one about the merger between ANA and Aer Lingus...

 

[iamn8]

This thread makes me question our dominance as a species

 

[aldecaker]

Oh, don't worry, Nate. That era will be ending soon, I'm sure!

 

[huntertrw]

A woman called her physician and asked him to come to her house immediately, as she could not wake her husband.
The physician arrived, went to the sofa where the immobile man sat, and then opened a box from which he removed a tiny kitten. The kitten diligently sniffed the man from head to foot, and then jumped back into the box whereupon the physician replaced its lid. He then announced that he regretted to state that the man was dead, and presented the woman with an itemized bill totaling $2,000.00.
"What's this charge for $500.00?" she asked through her tears.
"That's for my house-call," he replied.
"Then what's the remaining $1,500.00 for?" she asked.
"Oh, that's for the CAT-scan."

 

[huntertrw]

Sychophant: A pachyderm who lavishly praises the more powerful of its kind in order to get their approval

 

[samcoffeeman]

If you're American when you go into the bathroom and you're American when you come out of the bathroom what are you when you're in the bathroom?

European

 

[samcoffeeman]

When someone is complaining ask them if their stomach hurts. When they say no comma say because your bellyaching is killing me.

 

[mackeson]

What do you call fish with no eyes?
fsh

 

[huntertrw]

What is the preferred search engine of ghosts everywhere?
Boohoo.

 

[huntertrw]

mackeson's post above reminded me of this chestnut:
CH_ _CH
What's missing?
UR

 

[huntertrw]

True story: Dolly Parton once entered a Dolly Parton Look-a-like contest and lost.
Apparently she was a big bust.

 

[gloucesterman]

I said to my wife with a glass eye, Crystal my love, keep an eye out for me.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

 

[cosmicfolklore]

 

[derfatdutchman]

A vulture boards a plane carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess stops him and says "I'm sorry sir, we only allow each passenger one carrion."

 

[bryguysc]

Did you hear about the new corduroy pillows?

They're really making headlines!

 

[bryguysc]

Why do scuba divers always fall backwards out of the boat?

If they fell forwards they'd still be in the boat.