Ever Have One Of Those , "Oh F@#%, I'm Dead Moments?"

[Country Bladesmith]

I have my orders sent to my office ?

? That’s cheating!

 

[PipesRock]

Several.
Rest up and check yourself through the weekend for additional unk injuries.

 

[tbradsim1]

Got shot up pretty good in S Asia, got away and when I cut the engine off at the base the boat started sinking. Got blown up in a control center at Exxon the only thing that saved me was the coke machine, it blew on top of me and and stopped an I beam from crushing me. Love cokes Was 5 stories up when a flange blew out , big fire and me and my assistant had to go down thru the fire, wrapped absotesos blanket around us and booged down the stairs thru the flames. Then I settled down and had 2 bypasses, prostate cancer with a 52 PSA, MD ANDERSON CANCER hospital said make out your will, I probably outlived that SOB. Now I smoke on my porch motherF€£K the world.

 

[weezell]

I was all Quaaluded out

Man, can I relate to that start of a sentence!!!...

 

[charf]

First and only time I fell off a ladder was 2 years ago. I was trimming a tree in the front of my yard with the chainsaw off a 3 legged orchard ladder. I had done well and thought I could just get that last branch over my head. That was when the ladder went north and and I went south. I never though much about the landing, I was fixated on watching that chainsaw in free fall. Anyway me and the chainsaw bounced off the lawn. I had a bruised arse and learnt a big lesson about ladders.

 

[winton]

I had a summer job at a shipyard, during college. I was the rigger for the crane driver. Usually, we used dog clamps, basically 10 lbs of steel, on 10-20 feet of cable. Once, the driver and I were not watching each other. I didn't know there was a problem, until the dog clamp came around and knocked my hard hat off.

Another time, we had a large hopper, returned to us. Think of a steel box 10' x 10' x 10', on I-beams. The hopper was returned with a significant amount of sand blast material in it. The crane was struggling to lift the hopper, so I pried up on it to help. This worked, BUT. . . . THAT WAS THE LAST BREATH I WILL EVER TAKE! . . . The truck and the hopper had become a giant scissor and I was in the middle. Obviously, the hopper stopped moving and I am still around.

I decided not to return to that job, the next summer break.

 

[cigrmaster]

Just last year Harris and I stole a two-seat F-16 demo fighter and went joyflying up and down the West coast in it. Normally we only go after commercial planes but the LSD-crack-meth combination we scored that morning was SUPER good. Especially on top of the dozen or so Tequila shots we'd had for breakfast.

Anyway, when an entire squadron of F-22's surrounded us and said they'd shoot us down unless we landed, well, we landed. Thought we were dead then, right?

Except we jumped out before coming to a complete stop and hoofed it into the trees alongside the runway. Hadn't gone 50 feet into the forest when a grizzly bear started chasing us. Thought we were dead then too...

But we got away from the bear, made it to an Interstate highway overpass, and jumped onto the roof of a semi-trailer as it went underneath. We both almost fell off the back edge because of the sudden speed change, but caught ourselves at the last second and pulled ourselves back onto the roof with one arm, Charles Bronson-style. At 70 mph and with another truck right behind us, we thought were boy howdy super dead, then. Like, extra-messy style.

But we didn't fall off. We did---stupidly---climb down without looking when the truck stopped somewhere in Texas, though, where they were having a rattlesnake roundup. Jumped straight into a pit with hundreds of Western Diamondbacks. Yup, more "We're dead now!" thoughts, but once again somehow got out without getting bitten.

Then Harris' wife called him on his cell and he said, "Well, it's been fun but gotta go. She Who Must Be Obeyed wants me home. Says I gotta stop messin' around, and to grab some ribeyes for the grill on the way or she'll kill us BOTH. And brother, THAT'S no joke. C ya!"

True story. Every word.

Too freaking funny George, I still say we should have stayed with the F-16 and out flew those 22's. You were on a role and they couldn't touch you.