Cosmic's Secrets To Marriage

[tbradsim1]

Back from S Asia, stayed with my Grandparents on the farm, walked the headlands a lot. Didn’t go to town. One afternoon I did, stopped at a restaurant, with a small bar on the side, went in, lots of young men trying to hustle the bar maid, very pretty. Sat in the corner nursed a beer, trying to get acklamated to noise , Bar maid comes over and introduces herself, She’s the resturant manager, barmaid didn’t show up, she’s filling in. Asks my name, I see the men crowding at the bar when she’s there. I made up my mind right then and there, she was the One.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Back from S Asia, stayed with my Grandparents on the farm, walked the headlands a lot. Didn’t go to town. One afternoon I did, stopped at a restaurant, with a small bar on the side, went in, lots of young men trying to hustle the bar maid, very pretty. Sat in the corner nursed a beer, trying to get acklamated to noise , Bar maid comes over and introduces herself, She’s the resturant manager, barmaid didn’t show up, she’s filling in. Asks my name, I see the men crowding at the bar when she’s there. I made up my mind right then and there, she was the One.

That's awesome, the best ones just sort of magically work out like that.

 

[hawky454]

View attachment 104124
55 yrs, Great post Cosmic, my one and only, would do it again many times over.

You all are just showing off now! Very pretty gal you’ve got there!

 

[Sweet Home Alabama]

We improve with experience perhaps explains the secret.

 

[sablebrush52]

Congratulations to all of you who have found wedded bliss and a best friend for life. From what I hear and see, there's nothing better.

As for moi, I've tried this out twice, and that's enough. The best thing about both marriages was that they ended, and we could get back to being friends, and I am close to both Ex wives. It's weird how many people stop being who they are and become "married" versions of who they think they should be.

Once the divorce papers were filed, and the attorneys were done picking our bones, we picked up where we left off before the marriages, and rekindled our friendships. For some, marriage is a golden voyage. For me it's been the iceberg.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Once the divorce papers were filed, and the attorneys were done picking our bones, we picked up where we left off before the marriages, and rekindled our friendships. For some, marriage is a golden voyage. For me it's been the iceberg.

Unfortunately, I don't have that experience, but I can imagine that the "role" we see in marriage can make all of the other stuff more difficult.

For 9 years dating, when other married people would ask us when we were going to get married, Mrs Cos would lay into them with, "why would we mess up a good thing by being like you?" Whereas I would just ask, "why would you say such a thing?"

We eventually had to get married though. Alabama had put up so many laws making it difficult for non-married people to buy a house, or get family insurance policies, or even to invest together, that we just had to get married to grow financially. But, we weren't just avoiding marriage to be avoiding it. We just didn't have a reason to, until we had financial ones.

 

[sandollars]

I never did figure it out... I went through 3 of them and each one told me the same thing: That I was a workaholic.

MOI??

Strange, not one of them ever thanked me for the alimony from all that hard work...

 

[cosmicfolklore]

I never did figure it out... I went through 3 of them and each one told me the same thing: That I was a workaholic.

MOI??

Strange, not one of them ever thanked me for the alimony from all that hard work...

Mrs Cosmic knew I preferred to work as to anything else. I know some people on their deathbed say that they'd wished they hadn't work as much, but I call that person a lazy pussy, ha ha. I will never see a deathbed. I will just collapse while at my workbench. I have orders for my family to just push me on over and complete my order for me before worrying with anything else.
But, she forces me to vacation and take time off, but she also knows I will push back when she does, ha ha.

 

[pappymac]

With all the statistics about marriage failing, I must have screwed up somewhere or did something really good on the karma side.

I met my wife in April 1975. I moved in with her on June 1, 1975 and we got married on Aug. 23, 1975.

For some reason, she is still here.

 

[hawky454]

Congratulations to all of you who have found wedded bliss and a best friend for life. From what I hear and see, there's nothing better.

As for moi, I've tried this out twice, and that's enough. The best thing about both marriages was that they ended, and we could get back to being friends, and I am close to both Ex wives. It's weird how many people stop being who they are and become "married" versions of who they think they should be.

Once the divorce papers were filed, and the attorneys were done picking our bones, we picked up where we left off before the marriages, and rekindled our friendships. For some, marriage is a golden voyage. For me it's been the iceberg.

I can relate to this with my first marriage, we were friends first and foremost, we are still good friends today, however, it was more like a break up than a divorce, just had to sign some papers and go on our separate ways . My second marriage… not so easy. We had a house and a daughter together, that’s where things got tricky, at least for us. We had to lawyer up and go through mediation and all that fun shit. After the dust settled our relationship got much better, but make no mistake, I would be fine if I never saw her again if she weren’t the mother of my daughter. She still likes to try to argue from time to time but I don’t let her have the satisfaction, we are divorced after all!

Do you have children? I have great respect for those of you who have gone through a clean divorce when there are children involved, it’s tough.

 

[mingc]

That was a fun read, Cos, but I don't think there were any real secrets there. You just seem to like each other a lot. I hope it stays that way for the two of you! Pour moi, I made such a huge mistake on my first that I don't trust myself to choose a second. I don't much like people anyway.

 

[kcghost]

Congrats of finding your mate, Cosmic. Nothing in the world is prettier than a red-headed girl.

 

[sablebrush52]

Unfortunately, I don't have that experience, but I can imagine that the "role" we see in marriage can make all of the other stuff more difficult.

For 9 years dating, when other married people would ask us when we were going to get married, Mrs Cos would lay into them with, "why would we mess up a good thing by being like you?" Whereas I would just ask, "why would you say such a thing?"

We eventually had to get married though. Alabama had put up so many laws making it difficult for non-married people to buy a house, or get family insurance policies, or even to invest together, that we just had to get married to grow financially. But, we weren't just avoiding marriage to be avoiding it. We just didn't have a reason to, until we had financial ones.

Wife #2 suddenly did a personality change right after the ceremony, and it was almost, but not quite, Jekyll and Hyde. All of her fun loving self just went poof, gone, and she became a caricature of her mother's bad traits. Like overnight. Mind you, I liked her mother, but she was a "complicated" person. A year after the divorce, when much of the pain had subsided, she copped to the whole thing having happened and still can't explain what caused it. But she's not ever getting married again either.

 

[mso489]

Referencing cosmic's misfortune in his first marriage, I have a sibling who has schizophrenia. Few folks with the illness are violent. And it is not to be confused with multiple personality, though I've heard doctoral graduates misuse the term to mean feeling two ways about something. That would be multiple personality. Schizophrenia sometimes has auditory and/or visual hallucinations, and sometimes rambling incoherent speech, word salad. With meds, many can lead mostly normal lives, but others cannot hold jobs nor have normal family relationships. My sib, thanks to another sib, lives in the old home place, has a weekday helper, and lives a comfortable life, and seems to have shed some of the more distressing symptoms over the years. We love her and enjoy her company. Right now my wife and I are preparing birthday gifts including some baked goods to send next week.

 

[captainsousie]

Great thread and great post cosmic!

I met my wife in college. Asked her if she wanted to get a coffee and she said "sure." Went to coffee, had a great talk but I freaked out because I didn't really know what I wanted so I didn't ask her again. We stayed friends until junior year when she found out she had cancer. Shortly after that I realized I had been a dumbass and figured out she was the one for me. I asked her again and this time at coffee we talked for 3 hours. The recovery from the cancer surgery and radiation was long but we talked a lot during that time, never really ran out of things to discuss.

Then she invited me to her Christmas party. She loves Christmas, and I made it there in record time after playing for the pep band at our university basketball game. After the party I helped her clean up and do the dishes and got a snuggle on the couch out of the deal. Two years later, we got married and now we've been married almost 17 years. Yes, she's put up with my crap for that long.

Honestly the biggest secret for us is communication. Our biggest fights have all happened because one or both of us messed up with communicating.

What I will write next is for me and me alone. Please understand that I don't expect this from anyone but myself. Another thing that has kept us together is that we never entertain the thought of not being together. If we get in a fight, it is approached from the position that we're staying together so we damn well better work it out.

Other than that, I'll echo that it helps not to take yourself too seriously.

 

[hawky454]

Wife #2 suddenly did a personality change right after the ceremony, and it was almost, but not quite, Jekyll and Hyde. All of her fun loving self just went poof, gone, and she became a caricature of her mother's bad traits. Like overnight. Mind you, I liked her mother, but she was a "complicated" person. A year after the divorce, when much of the pain had subsided, she copped to the whole thing having happened and still can't explain what caused it. But she's not ever getting married again either.

I can relate to this too, the day after my 2nd wife and I got married she sat on the couch and cried all day... No joke, it was a, "holy shit, what did I do" moment, she called it a "happiness hangover". This was just the first of many personality traits that came out after we tied the knot.

 

[Paul lec]

Had 47 years in June. We've had our bumps in the road, but have stayed together. We have a beautiful life now, very nice home in the country, healthy children and grandchildren. We live a quiet life,fish, garden and just enjoy each day as it comes. Hard to find. Very grateful.

 

[sandollars]

Wife #2 suddenly did a personality change right after the ceremony, and it was almost, but not quite, Jekyll and Hyde. All of her fun loving self just went poof, gone, and she became a caricature of her mother's bad traits. Like overnight. Mind you, I liked her mother, but she was a "complicated" person. A year after the divorce, when much of the pain had subsided, she copped to the whole thing having happened and still can't explain what caused it. But she's not ever getting married again either.

I can relate..... I take the responsibility and firmly believe that if I was put in a room with 100 women, 99 of which are perfectly suitable to my lifestyle and would guarantee a lifetime of wedded bliss and one that would not, I would pick the one that would not every time. Clearly, I am my own worst enemy when choosing mates. Nowadays, I just choose not. My parents were married 70 years so I had a good example. Just didn't pay attention, I guess....

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Few folks with the illness are violent.

You are absolutely correct. But, when it is triggered for teh very first time by postpartum issues, it is a roller coaster ride for sure.

 

[lawdawg]

I know exactly what you are talking about. When I first met Mrs Cos, we just fell into step, like we had known each other our whole life. It was the easiest thing in the world. Congrats on finding yours.

I was fairly confident on my first date with my wife that we were going to get married. We were both all in since the very beginning, though we took our time and dated for a few years before getting married.