Coming Out to Non-smoker Parents
- Thread starter dryseason91
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After reading the above posts, I'm seeing a different side to this situation
When I used to smoke grass, I never felt the need to tell my parents. I Was out of the house at an early age and did a whole bunch of things they didn't know about
I guess that if dryseason shows up one day smoking a pipe, the discussion could begin then
When I used to smoke grass, I never felt the need to tell my parents. I Was out of the house at an early age and did a whole bunch of things they didn't know about
I guess that if dryseason shows up one day smoking a pipe, the discussion could begin then
I took it at face value that dryseason had decided to tell his folks, for his own reasons. Not saying anything is an option.
It could look furtive. Or secretive. I can see the merits in telling them. But I took it as a settled decision that he was
going to talk to them and went from there. Families tend to keep lots of secrets, some of which are not secret, and
most of which are unnecessary.
It could look furtive. Or secretive. I can see the merits in telling them. But I took it as a settled decision that he was
going to talk to them and went from there. Families tend to keep lots of secrets, some of which are not secret, and
most of which are unnecessary.
I'm in the camp of not saying anything.
If you no longer live with your parents, and they are not supporting you, then there should be no compulsion for you to involve them in the minutia of your life. Share with them your love, your caring, your happiness, but keep most of your life for yourself, or it will never evolve.
It is time to stop seeking approval.
If you no longer live with your parents, and they are not supporting you, then there should be no compulsion for you to involve them in the minutia of your life. Share with them your love, your caring, your happiness, but keep most of your life for yourself, or it will never evolve.
It is time to stop seeking approval.
Good advice all around but I'll throw my 0.02 in anyways. My parents always treated me with more respect than my brother because I ALWAYS treat them with respect. Don't argue, listen to what they have to say. Explain what you have to say, then tell then you understand there concerns but have made your decision. Let that be the end of the conversation, even if they want to argue, don't. Time will help a lot, perk of being a piper were good at waiting.
Ps: if you still live at home or still depend on your parents for college payments car payments whatever, your not an adult. Nothing wrong with that but you do still have to listen to your parents in that case.
Ps: if you still live at home or still depend on your parents for college payments car payments whatever, your not an adult. Nothing wrong with that but you do still have to listen to your parents in that case.
I will also add you should tell your parents, it's true you don't have to but it does put strain on your relationship not to, and having to watch what you say means you can never really relax around them and that's a damn shame. Plus my parents know what to buy me for my birthday now lol
I started smoking cigars when I was in the Marine Corps. I'm not talking like one cigar every once in awhile kinda smoking but like 3+ every day. Naturally this transferred over to smoking them when I was home on leave. What ended up happening is I was confronted about it by concerned parents and I calmly explained to them that...
One: Yes, I realize it is a huge waste of money but what else do I have to spend it on?
Two: I dont drink or do drugs. Can you say the same about yourself when you were my age? If this is the worst I do then you, as a parent, really dont have anything to worry about. I dont even inhale, I just enjoy the taste.
And LASTLY: I just got back from a combat tour, I'm a grown ass man and I know that my actions have consequences and I am making an educated decision about what I am doing so stop showing me mouth cancer photos.
That last one might be a bit too specific for you to use though... Anywho, after getting out of the Corps I have since switched to pipes because, though it isnt a cheap habit, it is FAR FAR cheaper then the cigars I was going through at a cyclic rate.
One: Yes, I realize it is a huge waste of money but what else do I have to spend it on?
Two: I dont drink or do drugs. Can you say the same about yourself when you were my age? If this is the worst I do then you, as a parent, really dont have anything to worry about. I dont even inhale, I just enjoy the taste.
And LASTLY: I just got back from a combat tour, I'm a grown ass man and I know that my actions have consequences and I am making an educated decision about what I am doing so stop showing me mouth cancer photos.
That last one might be a bit too specific for you to use though... Anywho, after getting out of the Corps I have since switched to pipes because, though it isnt a cheap habit, it is FAR FAR cheaper then the cigars I was going through at a cyclic rate.
I don't think anyone suggested that he hide the fact of his smoking from his parents, simply that he needn't make a big issue of the fact. I suggest that there is nothing to be gained by announcing to them that he rejects what they taught him. My suggestion is that he simply smoke his pipe, no big announcement needed, and that leaves his parents with ability to ignore the fact that he rejects their teaching without causing them to have to defend the way they raised him.
He's living in their house so I'd bet that they already know that he smokes. My mother could smell stale tobacco at a surprising distance. My guess is that as long as he doesn't force them to respond by smoking in their house that they will simply chose not to comment on it.
I'd bet that the advice against confrontation is predominately from older members. The support for confrontation is most likely from younger member who are still a bit unsure of themselves. This is purely supposition, but I'd take even money that I'm right.
If there is a member who is also a "shrink" I'm betting he is having a great time following this thread. The fact that dryseason1 views this confrontation as an unavoidable need speaks volumes. As does the fact that he wants their acceptance of his new "hobby" while suspecting that they might throw him out of the house.
He's living in their house so I'd bet that they already know that he smokes. My mother could smell stale tobacco at a surprising distance. My guess is that as long as he doesn't force them to respond by smoking in their house that they will simply chose not to comment on it.
I'd bet that the advice against confrontation is predominately from older members. The support for confrontation is most likely from younger member who are still a bit unsure of themselves. This is purely supposition, but I'd take even money that I'm right.
If there is a member who is also a "shrink" I'm betting he is having a great time following this thread. The fact that dryseason1 views this confrontation as an unavoidable need speaks volumes. As does the fact that he wants their acceptance of his new "hobby" while suspecting that they might throw him out of the house.
@warren - Thanks for your contribution. The bit about being thrown out of the house was an exaggeration but they are both quite firmly anti-smoking. Although I don't live it at home for most of the year - I'm in college elsewhere - I do rely on them for financial support. I used to smoke cigarettes (the pipe is really helping me come off them, thank God) and I think they knew that in a wink-wink sort of way without that knowledge ever being explicitly confirmed. I know for a fact they wouldn't be a bit impressed if I admitted openly to the cigarettes, but I think a pipe can, and should, be thought of differently - but convincing them of this might be the hard part.
I don't have any firm reason for wanting to tell them beyond simply not having to feel furtive and conspiratorial about a hobby that is supposed to be about pleasure and relaxation. (As I mentioned, even if I did tell them, I wouldn't anticipate getting any TAD/PAD presents any time soon, but it would be a bonus :P) When I'm home, for example, over the holidays, I don't fancy the idea of nipping out the back with my pipe in the half-hour that my mother is at the shops. If you have to stress out about it, what's the point?
I don't have any firm reason for wanting to tell them beyond simply not having to feel furtive and conspiratorial about a hobby that is supposed to be about pleasure and relaxation. (As I mentioned, even if I did tell them, I wouldn't anticipate getting any TAD/PAD presents any time soon, but it would be a bonus :P) When I'm home, for example, over the holidays, I don't fancy the idea of nipping out the back with my pipe in the half-hour that my mother is at the shops. If you have to stress out about it, what's the point?
Well I dove in and told the mother. Her first impulse was to quite literally reach for a wooden spoon :P I explained to her that I smoke infrequently, that I don't inhale, that pipe tobacco is far less processed than cigarette tobacco, that I realise that it's far from risk free but I've weighed up the info and come to a considered decision about it. That seemed to placate her a bit. I think she appreciated that I told her.
My parents were both okay when I told them I had picked up the pipe. I think it was a combination of not minding, and understanding that I was going to do it anyways hahaha. That being said, my Grandparents had a harder time when they found out. But after talking to them about it openly, my grandfather remembered how much he used to enjoy his pipes, and ended up gifted me his old Parker Briars. Damn did he ever beat the hell out of those pipes.
I just started smoking pipes, I'm 19 and live at home. I'll be 20 next month and it really isn't much of their business. I wouldn't lie if they asked me about it, my mother has already made known that I am not allowed to smoke in the house, so I do not. You don't even half to tell them if you don't want.
Walk into the house with a crack pipe in one hand and a tobacco pipe in the other. Let them know they have a choice.
Seriously though, since you are a college student who is relying on financial aid from your parents, out of respect for them I think you should be honest with them. I would also let them know that you would like this pipe for Christmas.
http://www.smokingpipes.com/pipes/new/rasmussen/moreinfo.cfm?product_id=132765
Seriously though, since you are a college student who is relying on financial aid from your parents, out of respect for them I think you should be honest with them. I would also let them know that you would like this pipe for Christmas.
http://www.smokingpipes.com/pipes/new/rasmussen/moreinfo.cfm?product_id=132765
I second the crack pipe method. But don't feel like you have to rush telling them, I would wait until you've decided for sure or not. It could just be a phase. I'd give yourself some time though to prepare what you want to say and the way you want to say it. It's 10% about what you say and 90% the way you say it. Best of luck 
"When I was a child, I played as a child, was punished as a child, but when I became a man I put away childish things" I am the only pipe smoker in my family and I picked it up from my Grandfather who's passed on over 15 yrs ago. I still get hassled about it but being 6'4" tall and 300lbs means the hassling does not last long. My mother doesn't say much as it what her father I picked it up from but my da used to call me "Popeye" every time I'd pull my pipe out. At the time it annoyed me but with him passed on 3 yrs now I some times miss it.
Good one Harris. I was going to suggest telling them you were gay, but someone beat me to it. I think the crack pipe idea might work even better.
When I was 16, my mom used to buy me cartons of cigarettes for holidays. How things have changed with younger generations...She bought me my pipe rack and humidor. The only thing Dunhill that I own. On second thought, maybe she's trying to get rid of me...
When I was 16, my mom used to buy me cartons of cigarettes for holidays. How things have changed with younger generations...She bought me my pipe rack and humidor. The only thing Dunhill that I own. On second thought, maybe she's trying to get rid of me...
+1. Your comment about them throwing you out intrigued me. I'm telling you right now, as a parent, they are not going to throw you out over this. That being said, their house, their rules. When you pay the bills, you get to decide the rules. If they say no smoking in the house, then so be it. No tobacco in the house, so be it. You will never go wrong going above and beyond in respecting your parents.
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