Children and smoking

[didimauw]

Last week my wife made a comment to me to be careful of smoking around our 3 year old daughter. She told me that our daughter was making funny lip movements and when she was asked what she was doing, replied with "there's smoke coming out of my mouth."
I haven't smoked in front of her in weeks with this cold weather, but I told the wife that her message was received. In the past I've told our daughter that the pipes are only for dad, because she also asked if I would share my pipes with her.
Without me going on a huge rant, what are your opinions about this?

 

[cigrmaster]

I put my kids in a closet while I hot boxed a pipe so they could get used to smoke.

 

[demetrakopoulos]

I can understand why your wife wouldn't want your daughter being exposed to smoke. But if she's worried about your daughter taking an interest in smoking, I'd say there's nothing over which to be concerned.
Kids are curious about everything that their parents do. If they see you watching Antiques Roadshow, then they'll want to watch Antiques Roadshow. The problem is that if you tell them "no," they'll just want to watch Antiques Roadshow even more.
Now, catching your kid smoking is not quite as shocking as catching them watching PBS programming. The best thing you can do is kill the curiosity.
At our gun shop, we have a lot of parents who buy their first gun, but, similar to your situation, get nervous about their kids getting curious and searching around for the gun when the parents are sleeping. My response to them is always: "Let them see it and handle it under your supervision after you've made sure the firearm is safe. While you should definitely keep it locked up at all times, tell them that they're welcome to look at it and handle it whenever they want under your supervision. All they have to do is ask, and you'll never tell them 'no.' And tell them that maybe one day, if they like, you can take them shooting with you. Just, whatever you do, don't try to shelter them from it and don't tell them it's 'not for[them].' That first day you show the gun to them can (and usually does) end their curiosity right then and there; if you keep it a secret saying it's 'for adults only', you're much more likely to have them constantly hunt for it which could lead to an accident."
My advice as an educator: the next time you smoke, give her an empty old cob pipe to hold while she joins you. She'll eventually realize that it's not exciting and eventually take an interest in something else.

 

[cfreud]

The kid will be fine. Being around some pipe smoke is not a health hazard. (I would not be so dismissive with your better half, but that's your business.) My parents simply instilled the fear of God in me that I was not to do such things until they said so and that worked. Pop ended up giving me a cigar for my 16th birthday and it knocked me on my a**. After that, well, smoking pipes and cigars waited until college and the appropriate age.

 

[warren]

She needs to be a few years older before she gets the talk which cites adults making poor decisions. Until then she is a toddler. Toddlers emulate parents, it's what toddlers do.
When she is older you can explain that burning up money is not the wisest thing to do and encourage her to make better decisions than the rest of us. She'll get the negative health stuff in school and on the TV. You can support that or not but, she should know that sucking smoke into one's body is another poor decision. Poor decisions should be reserved for adults as much as possible.
We smoke because we like it, in spite of the negatives. It's, as I love to point out, a purely selfish decision we make after weighing the pluses and minuses. Explain it to her when she is old enough to understand and grasp that you are not as perfect as she grew up believing. She'll learn that on her own as it is.

 

[drwatson]

My son has his own pipe.

http://pipesmagazine.com/members/drwatson/album/picture/18319]

 

[ltstone]

I did the opposite , I wasn't allowed to play with fire, firecrackers, smoke. Dad never got me the things I wanted: dirtbikes, go-karts try a sip of alcohol, skip school. I told my kids they could have a sip of wine, beer, take a puff of my cigar, i would offer to shoot off firecrackers, got them a dirtbike. They don't care for any of that stuff. They like school, woodworking , stuff I found boring...

 

[mortonbriar]

I have a 3 year old daughter too, I have found her with one of my pipes in her mouth numerous times, (they are dangerous when she is also jumping on the bed). She knows pipes are just for Papa's, but like most toddlers she loves any form of accessory, plus all her vintage kids books have an animal or person smoking a pipe on every other page so its something she likes right now, I dont think the current interest will ultimately decide whether she relies on nicotine as an adult, most likely it will be so taxed by that time and she will not be able to afford it anyway.
Isaac

 

[mso489]

I grew up with a pipe smoker, however I grew up spending blocks of time outdoors, free to roam unsupervised except for being accountable for any trouble I caused. Kids today do spend a lot of time indoors. Maybe this gives higher levels of asthma and other ailments. Kids exposed to one smoker, just in passing, I don't see as much exposure. Kids sitting in a room with two or three adults puffing away might be getting more fumes and particulates than they can handle. I'd want to minimize the actual exposure. Kids are always going to imitate the adults and older kids around them, so that's a second question. My grandpa was a pipe smoker, and my dad (his son) was a pipe smoker, and my other grandfather was a cigar smoker. I've gone for years without smoking, but I do enjoy a pipe. So elders influence their progeny.

 

[blackbeard]

Curiosity and emulation will happen. The best thing is to explain that they can make her very sick. I don't smoke inside, but outside she's been tempted. Only once situation where she's ever attempted to grab a pipe and it was instantly stopped. I don't let her out of sight so it's never been a big issue. If you make too big of a deal on it, it could make her want to do so even more as well. Best not to draw attention, but explain yourself honestly. That's just how I dealt with it and she keeps away from them.

 

[erichbaumer]

I don't have kids, but I've thought about this issue a bit. Seems it would be the same as alcohol. My parents drink a little more than the average American, as do I now that I'm older. However, I always understood as a child that mom and dad's wine was clearly off-limits, and there was never an issue. My first drink was with my mother... the second, third, fourth, and so on were at college, but that's a different scenario. I'll have to address both tobacco and alcohol (and firearms, which my father also taught me to respect) with my children, and I'd tend to agree with previous posts that explaining and educating is the best approach.

 

[buster]

I have a 9 and a three and a half year old. My youngest started to have some asthma like breathing issues. It flares up when he gets sick and we have to nebulize him with asthma medicine. So I don't smoke inside or around him. If he grows out of it I'll lighten up on my self imposed restrictions a bit.

 

[oldmannk]

+1 for itstone
If you make it a huge and big no no, they will only become more intrigued and interested. I generally do not allow anyone to smoke cigs around my daughter. However she has been sitting on my lap while I blow smoke rings in her hands.
As someone who grew up in the no environment not aloud to smoke, play with guns or ride motorcycle.
Now play with guns ride motorcycles and smoke.
I chooses to make lasting memories with my daughter and fun times, and hope that no is not the only things she remembers when older.

 

[buroak]

She needs to be a few years older before she gets the talk which cites adults making poor decisions. Until then she is a toddler. Toddlers emulate parents, it's what toddlers do.
When she is older you can explain that burning up money is not the wisest thing to do and encourage her to make better decisions than the rest of us. She'll get the negative health stuff in school and on the TV. You can support that or not but, she should know that sucking smoke into one's body is another poor decision. Poor decisions should be reserved for adults as much as possible.
We smoke because we like it, in spite of the negatives. It's, as I love to point out, a purely selfish decision we make after weighing the pluses and minuses. Explain it to her when she is old enough to understand and grasp that you are not as perfect as she grew up believing. She'll learn that on her own as it is.

I grew up with a pipe smoker, however I grew up spending blocks of time outdoors, free to roam unsupervised except for being accountable for any trouble I caused. Kids today do spend a lot of time indoors. Maybe this gives higher levels of asthma and other ailments. Kids exposed to one smoker, just in passing, I don't see as much exposure. Kids sitting in a room with two or three adults puffing away might be getting more fumes and particulates than they can handle. I'd want to minimize the actual exposure. Kids are always going to imitate the adults and older kids around them, so that's a second question. My grandpa was a pipe smoker, and my dad (his son) was a pipe smoker, and my other grandfather was a cigar smoker. I've gone for years without smoking, but I do enjoy a pipe. So elders influence their progeny.

The former quote is Warren's, the latter MSO489's. Both provide sage wisdom, and I would suggest deference.

 

[jvnshr]

I can understand why your wife wouldn't want your daughter being exposed to smoke. But if she's worried about your daughter taking an interest in smoking, I'd say there's nothing over which to be concerned.
Kids are curious about everything that their parents do. If they see you watching Antiques Roadshow, then they'll want to watch Antiques Roadshow. The problem is that if you tell them "no," they'll just want to watch Antiques Roadshow even more.
Now, catching your kid smoking is not quite as shocking as catching them watching PBS programming. The best thing you can do is kill the curiosity.
At our gun shop, we have a lot of parents who buy their first gun, but, similar to your situation, get nervous about their kids getting curious and searching around for the gun when the parents are sleeping. My response to them is always: "Let them see it and handle it under your supervision after you've made sure the firearm is safe. While you should definitely keep it locked up at all times, tell them that they're welcome to look at it and handle it whenever they want under your supervision. All they have to do is ask, and you'll never tell them 'no.' And tell them that maybe one day, if they like, you can take them shooting with you. Just, whatever you do, don't try to shelter them from it and don't tell them it's 'not for[them].' That first day you show the gun to them can (and usually does) end their curiosity right then and there; if you keep it a secret saying it's 'for adults only', you're much more likely to have them constantly hunt for it which could lead to an accident."
My advice as an educator: the next time you smoke, give her an empty old cob pipe to hold while she joins you. She'll eventually realize that it's not exciting and eventually take an interest in something else.

+1. Best description ever.

 

[shutterbugg]

Second hand smoke is sufficient reason not to smoke around kids (or pets or any nonsmokers)IMO. Smoking should be a choice. I choose to smoke a pipe but I do it outdoors as I do not live alone.
Aside from that I wouldn't overcomplicate things. I surely wouldn't waste my time trying to get into a 3 yr old's head. Psychologists invented that as a means of creating a profit center for themselves. All a 3 yr old needs to comprehend is yes and no. The more democratic you try to be and the more you involve them in decisions, the more it undermines their need to feel protected. Kids that age need to feel their parents' power is absolute.

 

[didimauw]

::

 

[redpanda]

My tween boys are 21 months old. Obviously, smoking inside the house is out of the question as it would simply be unfair to the children. I smoke in the kitchen with the back yard door wide open and mostly outside. But the most enjoyable smoke for me is the first pipe in the morning, which is usually at work or in the car. It is an interesting dilema, since we as parents are supposed to be an example for our kids. How can you tell your kid that smoking is bad for them when they see you do it all the time. Next question will surely be: then how come you do it all the time Dady ? Both my sons take interest in my pipe occasionally but my problems have not started yet because they can't speak yet. I have yet to come up with a plan as to how I am going to handle this when the time comes.

 

[didimauw]

Very true panda. I don't ever want to be a hypocrite. It's just finding the right words to explain it to them.

 

[warren]

Easy to explain. You just have to disabuse them of the believe that you are infallible, "even daddy makes dumb decisions now and then." And, that they should learn from your errors with regard to burning up money and challenging the health considerations. You made a conscious decision to smoke, when they are old enough they will be free to make the same errors or they can learn from you. Very simple. It's the old adage, "Do as I say, not as I do." Once you are out of the house you are free to do as you wish.