Becoming a Dad

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psychpipes

Senior Member
Sep 4, 2013
322
94
31
Nature Coast of Florida
Hey Gents,
It's been a while since I've been on the site. I tend to take a break from smoking during the summer down here in Florida. The weather is too hot for me to enjoy my porch. Now that it's getting colder, I've resumed my after work pipe. I love doing this because, as a child psychologist, I encounter some pretty intense people and situations. This winter though, my thoughts have drifted to my latest news: my wife and I are having our first kid. I'm excited and terrified at the same time. We have the first prenatal (10 weeks along now) tomorrow afternoon.
I'm scared for all the things that come with taking care of a human life, but I just can't help but smile as I ponder the situation over a bowl of Bulls-eye flake. Don't know yet what it is going to be, but it doesn't matter too much. Told my wife to forgo getting me a pipe for Christmas like she planned so we could save a bit more, but it feels worth it. I've been using some of my pipe time to think of names, but so far the missus doesn't care for names like Ace Danger Goodbred or Gotham Goodbred (So when it cries I can exclaim "Gotham needs me!") Anyway, just wanted to share my thoughts with you all. If you have any advice for me, let me have it.
Cheers,

Randy

 

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warren

Preferred Member
Sep 13, 2013
7,717
810
I've been watching my daughter and son-in-law going through OJT with their two month old. I'm impressed, no manual, just a great couple of role models and their instincts.
I'll speak from my experience only, have a plan with regard to growing the new one into a functioning adult and remember, it's all about the kid. A plan or goal will help with the decision making as it gives you a reference point. You and your wive are in for some challenging times, mostly thoroughly enjoyable and very rewarding. But, you and your wife have a serious task ahead. Good luck and enjoy!
How about Sobranie or Latakia for girl names. I lean towards Peterson or Dunhill for a boy as Corn Cob would lead to too many childhood fist fights.
I'm pulling for you two to pull it off and raise a great kid!

 

pipebaum81

Preferred Member
Nov 23, 2014
630
17
Wow, what a great thread. As a young father 33 now, 24ish when I started, I lack the whole picture wisdom that others members can provide. I wouldn't mind sharing a couple of tenants although I feel slightly foolish seeing as though you are a trained professional. There is something to be said about dealing with your own child.
Try and be as uniform and in-step with your wife as possible. Especially on the big things. Upraising, discipline, family time etc. Be ready to compromise on your principles because the child is truly a joint venture.
Try to come from a place of your family’s truth and integrity. Families do things in their own way. Seek out advice where needed but don't be afraid to do what you and your wife feel needs to be done.
Try, period. From early on my wife and I agreed that we will in some way inevitably come up short as parents. It’s bound to happen because no one is perfect. Under no circumstance though is it going to come about by a lack of trying or effort. The choices made and actions taken have been through intentional cognitive motions. Our decisions may turn out to be dissatisfactory to our children in the long run but I want to tell them that at the time we really put our heart, souls, and minds into being parents and didn't just allow things to fall into place while we watched People's Court (which I love) on the couch.
I'm excited for you and wish you and your wife all the best.

 

buster

Preferred Member
Sep 1, 2011
1,305
0
Congratulations Randy,
First bit of advice is get the baby room ready well in advance. This Calms the expecting mother when the nest building hormones kick in. This is a strategic move that will save you stress later.
Second, be the Dad with a plan. Plan for the unexpected poo incident. Put emergency diapers, wipes and baby clothes in a ziplock bag in each car trunk. Put in an extra T shirt for you also. Because there can be collateral damage with poo incidents. Get a daddy tackle box/bag keep it handy. The contents will change as the baby grows .baby basics are obvious but put in a bottle of water and some snacks for you adults also. This emergency prepping has saved me quite a few times.
Plan to take the baby out and about so your wife can have an hour or two to herself. This pays huge dividends. Do this early and often.
You will figure things out as you go. Just keep mommy happy and stuff will fall in place.

 

tuold

Preferred Member
Oct 15, 2013
2,125
67
Beaverton,Oregon
From my own experience, it's like a rollercoaster ride, fun and terrifying, but mostly fun. Savor every moment, because time will now seem to speed up. Maybe keep a journal or blog of your days of learning to be a dad for your child to read as an adult.
Good advice about taking care of mom. Nobody is happy if mom isn't happy.

 

johnnyreb

Preferred Member
Aug 21, 2014
1,787
4
Congratulations to you both!
Start a savings plan (a 529 plan) for advanced education now. The world will be a much more competitive place in 21 years when he/she enters the job market. Only an advanced education will let them compete for the best opportunities in life.

 

cobguy

Preferred Member
Oct 18, 2013
3,743
3
Congrats Randy!
I have a niece that was born just a few months back and my sister and brother-in-law named her Briar.
That made her pipe smoking uncle quite proud! :)
Thanks for sharing this piece of Joy and best of luck to your family!

 

teufelhund

Preferred Member
Mar 5, 2013
1,499
0
St. Louis, MO
Congrats! I married into a kid and got to jump right into all the fun stuff; we're currently working on our first... I can imagine that it's easy to worry about being responsible and what to expect, but just relax... The younger they are the more attention they may require but the problems are few and easily rectified. The older they get the less you understand them especially when they are a 9 year old girl. What I do remember most about being the oldest of 4 though is this: babies are pretty durable; you'll be fine.

 

corncobguy

Member
Nov 3, 2012
141
98
Congrats dude!!! you'll do great just have fun with it and everything works it self out as it should. Those 3am feedings are kinda tough but you get used to it.

 

mso489

Preferred Member
Feb 21, 2013
28,125
5,029
Congratulations! In the first few years, and in the teenage years, sometimes this makes the parent feel

like they've lost their own sense of themselves, but in the long haul, it's a huge growing experience. Not

a parent myself, but for most who have children, the idea of life without them is sort of unthinkable.

 

pylorns

Preferred Member
Aug 20, 2013
1,970
22
Austin
Congrats! Just about 3 years ago I was in the exact same position. I was freaking out. You'll be amazed at how trivial some of your fears were. Oh yeah, I also wrote this article - cause seriously I was in the dark on diapers. http://www.instituteofman.com/2013/01/03/a-new-fathers-guide-to-diapers/

 

dottiewarden

Preferred Member
Mar 25, 2014
3,049
8
Toronto
Congratulations!
Greatest thing that's ever happened to me. You'll learn much about yourself and much from your child.
Amazing is as close as I can come to a description of the experience.

 

metalheadycigarguy

Preferred Member
Apr 26, 2012
2,577
2
Washington State
What do you consider "getting colder"? Is that like 70 degrees. LOL Congrats on becoming a dad! Its definitely scary and great at the same time. I'm a father of twin boys and its been a fun, scary, stressful and awesome 8 years.
One suggestion... buy her a Mothers Day Card!!! Even though she'll still be pregnant she is still a mother already as her body and her are already caring for the child. Woman are weird about stuff like this, but I was smart and bought my wife a mothers day card when she was pregnant and it saved my butt! I would have been in the dog house if I hadn't. LOL

 

toby67

Senior Member
Sep 30, 2014
413
1
Australia
Congratulations mate, I became a dad just over 4 years ago, and I'm now a single full time father, yes he has his moments but for the most part he is the best thing that ever happened to me. He is my reason for living considering my physical conditions, he keeps me going and is such a blessing. Only real Con is that my pipe smoking is limited to outdoors.

 

toby67

Senior Member
Sep 30, 2014
413
1
Australia
I'm sure your fatherly instincts will kick in and you will make a great dad. Just the fact your here listening to others about their experiences speaks volumes of the parent you will become.

 

tombraider

Member
Feb 21, 2013
128
0
As a father of 2 (10 and 12 year old girls) I can tell you I'm very envious of you. There is nothing, nothing better than being a dad. I miss taking care of them the way I used to. Feeding time, play time, bath time and bed time gave me the best memories that still resonate with me. Cherish every moment of fatherhood. Congratulations!!

 
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