My great great great grandpa on my mom's side of the family was a boat captain. He left school at 13 to pursue a career on the sea. He did well, working both privately and in the Royal Navy Reserve. He eventually became commodore of the company he worked for and it was his job to take their newest boats on their maiden voyages. Well, on what would be his last voyage, his brother Charles asked Grandpa Edward to take his grandson Buck on the trip with him. He was always helping people so he said yes. Buck was around 10 years old. Grandpa Edward loved smoking his pipe on the bridge and relaxing with it on deck off shift. He had dozen of beautiful pipes in his captains quarters and would smoke them for a day, then choose another one for the next day. "Always start the day with a fresh clean pipe!" he would say!
Anyways, turns out Buck was a bit of a handful. Today we would say he has Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, load him up with Ritalin and give him an Xbox to play with but there was no such thing back then. After a number of days of him being disruptive on the bridge, Grandpa Charles had had it with Buck and sent him down to the engine room to work off his energy shoveling coal. One night, Buck snuck back on the bridge and apparently decided to play "What's this button do?" You guessed it, he hit the emergency button that took the ship hard to starboard when they should have been going to port, taking them right into a collision with an iceberg, sinking that shiny new ship and killing hundreds of people. Irony being what is meant Grandpa Edward went down with the ship while Buck the imbecile made it into a life boat. They even made a couple of movies about that boat but kept the Buck part of the story to our family because, well how embarrassing. Anyways, Great Great Great Grandpa Edward said, "Always start the day with a fresh clean pipe!" So I do.
On my dad's side, my late great uncle Claus smoked the same pipe all the time, day after day. I don't do that because apparently he was an idiot who accidently set fire to an airship that apparently burned down in New Jersey somewhere back in the 30's. He ended up jumping out and surviving, but killed 35 people trying to sneak a smoke in a chamber filled with hydrogen. It made the news, once again forcing my family to change their last names in the hopes of finding a normal life.