Back in good old England, my late great, great, great, great uncle Jack lived with his darling bride Emma. Uncle Jack was a barber and a kindly hearted man who ran a food pantry for the needy. Jack and Emma had a boy named Otto and a girl named Jane. Jack and Emma had a mostly good marriage. I say mostly good because sometimes Uncle Jack like to drink. Other times he would drink and enjoy what we call nose powder but like the famous Sherlock Holmes, he enjoyed a 7% solution. Well, when he combined the two, old Uncle Jack would apparently flip out. Occasionally, he would flip out, black out and kill a whore. He just slaughtered them, which naturally made Aunt Emma mortified. She loved him though so she never turned him in. It also made her furious because she had to clean his "killing clothes" which wasn't easy. She had enjoyed chemistry in school and played with some chemicals. Eventually she came up with a formula that cleaned up his clothes.
One day she woke up and the laying on the living room floor was a dead whore. Well, she wasn't cleaning that up. Uncle Jack didn't remember bring the dead whore home. He thought house work beneath him and wouldn't clean it up either. So Aunt Emma doused the body with Lakeland essence, which as we all know, over powers every other smell, covered her with a blanket and tossed on some pillows. They used her as an ottoman, thinking when life gives you lemons, make lemonade as they say. Anyways, slowly Uncle Jack had "killing" flashbacks and the heat from the police and press started to turn up so they moved to Germany and changed their last name to Rohm. Uncle Jack decided to give up drinking and drugs when they got to Germany. Life was good again after that. So good in fact, that their son Otto ended up growing up and selling his mom's cleaning formula as detergent called Burnus. He made a fortune but he kept all the credit for himself! "In 1907, owner and chemist Dr. Otto Röhm made a breakthrough with the invention of a new kind of laundry detergent based on enzymes" Yeah, that's a lie. Aunt Emma invented it to clean my uncles killing clothes.
Where was I going with things lasting forever? Oh yeah, well, that Ottoman didn't last forever. It got tossed overboard on the channel crossing. What seems to be lasting forever is my Uncle Jack's reputation as a killer. We prefer to think of him as the guy who inspired a woman to invent laundry detergent.
One day she woke up and the laying on the living room floor was a dead whore. Well, she wasn't cleaning that up. Uncle Jack didn't remember bring the dead whore home. He thought house work beneath him and wouldn't clean it up either. So Aunt Emma doused the body with Lakeland essence, which as we all know, over powers every other smell, covered her with a blanket and tossed on some pillows. They used her as an ottoman, thinking when life gives you lemons, make lemonade as they say. Anyways, slowly Uncle Jack had "killing" flashbacks and the heat from the police and press started to turn up so they moved to Germany and changed their last name to Rohm. Uncle Jack decided to give up drinking and drugs when they got to Germany. Life was good again after that. So good in fact, that their son Otto ended up growing up and selling his mom's cleaning formula as detergent called Burnus. He made a fortune but he kept all the credit for himself! "In 1907, owner and chemist Dr. Otto Röhm made a breakthrough with the invention of a new kind of laundry detergent based on enzymes" Yeah, that's a lie. Aunt Emma invented it to clean my uncles killing clothes.
Where was I going with things lasting forever? Oh yeah, well, that Ottoman didn't last forever. It got tossed overboard on the channel crossing. What seems to be lasting forever is my Uncle Jack's reputation as a killer. We prefer to think of him as the guy who inspired a woman to invent laundry detergent.
