Am I a hypocrite to my child?

[fitzy]

Ok so I have a 12 year old son that I've tried to teach that smoking is bad for you. I don't smoke cigarettes but I do smoke pipes and cigars. However the frequency of my smoking is very infrequent. It was maybe a bowl or 2 a week or less and maybe 1 cigar every month or 2.
I would prefer if my son didn't smoke however how can I tell him not to smoke when he get's older if I'm smoking myself? It wouldn't be the end of the world when he was 18 if smoked a pipe but would prefer if he didn't.
I really don't want him smoking cigarettes though. We all know the affects of smoking on our health however I believe that everything is ok in moderation. However with cigarettes your inhaling and I believe it's more habit forming. Most cigarette smokers I know of don't smoke in moderation they smoke all day long any chance they can get.
So I'm curious how other's on here have dealt with their children on this issue.
My son has asked me to quit smoking and we have an agreement that I can smoke on special occasions or with a waiver from him for certain times like for poker night.

 

[sixmp]

Just teach him to A) Think for himself B) Things are good in moderation.

Explain that you smoke in moderation.

Explain the difference in cigarettes and other tobacco products
Let go of what you want for him. It rarely happens plus what is important is that he gets what he wants in his future and you give him the correct tools to make the right choices.

 

[flmason]

You can always tell him to collect pipes and not smoke them. My father smoked pipes for many years. I collect pipes since they remind me of my dad but I do not smoke pipes. The ultimate choice will be up to your son.

 

[ohin3]

I agree with sixmp. Teach him the difference and the mindset. And certainly stop trying to make him what you wish him to be. all you can do is counsel him and teach him all the tools that enable you to make the right choices in life and then let him go and be himself.

 

[captainprophesy]

My son has asked me to quit smoking

I hear it all the time as well...
"Dad please stop smoking heroine, Dad please stop smoking crack, Dad please stop injecting" and im all like "AAGHHHERGSHKDHBfffrrr....." then I throw up and pass out.

 

[pstlpkr]

Sixmp nailed it.

::

 

[kris]

@ cap. :rofl:

 

[tbradsim1]

You Father, He Child, enough said. The old cajun

 

[brian64]

It wouldn't be the end of the world when he was 18 if smoked a pipe but would prefer if he didn't.

Why? What's wrong with smoking a pipe?

Just teach him to A) Think for himself

Amen to that. It sounds like a good opportunity to teach the kid about the dangers of propaganda. IMHO, if he thinks you need to stop smoking pipes or cigars, he is in the process of being brainwashed.

 

[numbersix]

I am a parent too, so I know where you're coming from.
I am a big believer in genetics. IMHO, if you like to smoke, there's a fair chance he will too. Better that he learn from your example as well as the difference between inhaling chemically laden cigarettes and natural tobacco that is not inhaled.
No matter what, a parent can protect their children from the big bad world for just so long. There will be a lot of temptations as he gets older so teach him as best you can and hope for the best. That's the most a parent can do.

 

[shawn622]

+1 sixmp. I am going to be going through similar trials in my near future. Not looking forward to it.

 

[baronsamedi]

Tell him the truth. The current (i don't want to callit way of thinking, because there isn't much thinking there) is pipes=tobacco=cigarettes and that is wrong. Explain what tobacco is. Explain about different types of tobacco. Explain the difference in inhaling a boatload of tar, chemicals and nicotine via a cigarette as a delivery system for feeding an addiction vs. puffing the occasional cigar or pipe and the relatively minute quantity of garbage in unadulterated quality tobacco, the reduction in risk to your lungs as a whole from not inhaling. If he's 12 (and I assume quite intelligent)he will be able to understand that anti tobacco "facts" are politically motivated, based on data that has been debunked by a Federal court (EPA Second hand smoke study) and propagated through political nannyism and nonprofit fraud.

 

[bigmick]

I'm kind of with baronsamedi, I explained the words addiction and nicotine to my kids. I told them I wanted them to NOT get addicted like I was/am. 2 of them don't smoke and likely never will, the third smokes now and then, but he doesn't seem to have the addiction gene. "It's too late for me,save yourselves."

My youngest is the one who learned the hard way that not all the propaganda is true. She is Asthmatic, and was told for years that my smoking would kill her, as she sat on her grandfathers lap while he smoked... hey who can explain ex wives logic? She does find some difficulty when in the presence of a lit cigarette, but my pipes rarely bother her, in fact she likes the smell of some of my tobaccos.

 

[lyle]

As a parent, I know it is complicated. I agree with the advice about being honest with your kid and setting a good example for moderation, but I don't know what age that should happen. My kids are too young to have that talk, so for now I hide it from them (which isn't hard--they go to bed at 8:30). Is twelve too young for that talk? I don't know.
I think it is easier with alcohol, because it is food. Beer is an adult beverage, as is coffee, but it's not that different from drinking soda (unless you're getting loaded, which is a whole different thing). I've never thought twice about it. However, tobacco is a more nuanced subject. I share your fear of cigs, and it concerns me that my kids will want to be blowing smoke like their old man and not getting the difference.
So, I feel for you. I think you're on the right track with the special occasion thing, and sooner or later they'll be old enough to have an adult discussion about tobacco.

 

[hunter]

Everyone has been saying it pretty good, all things in moderation. Not only that but giving your son as much of an education you can on our beloved vice is also a good thing. If he understands that not only do you moderated but are a completely different animal from the pack a day cigarette smoker that has a better chance of doing real harm you are better off. I personally would love for my dad to stop smoking cigarettes, I almost got him converted to cigars but my home town doesn't have a cigar shop and ordering stuff online isn't his specialty. And if worse comes to worse he has about 6-9 years before he moves out of the house... unless the economy takes another nose dive....

 

[lasttango]

I agree with the folks here... especially the simple words of the old cajun...
If you get a chance... listen to George Carlin's take on this on his album: you are all diseased... the section called: Kids and Parents... .99 on itunes... funny... yet quite inspiring in my opinion... as a high school teacher, I couldn't agree more.

 

[baronsamedi]

hey who can explain ex wives logic?

Assuming that she is good natured and wouldn't do something nasty like try to tear you down or shame you in front of your kids, it's just one of those catch-all white lies parents tell to children so they don't have to spend all day explaining or if they don't give kids enough credit for being able to understand complex things.
I smoked cigs for 15 years or so and I was definitely an addict. I quit altogether and later started with th epipe in my 30s. Unlike the nails, I can quit my pipe for as long as I want to with no ill effect and I can run 2.5 to 3 miles a day now because the pipe isn't killing my lungs!

 

[philip]

Even if you quit smoking you have no guarantee that your son won't smoke. Whether he smokes or not, drinks or stays sober, marries wisely or foolishly... these are decisions he will have to make for himself.
As long as you give him the facts and teach him to think, you are not a hypocrite. Whatever he decides, he will be doing what you are doing - using his brain to make his choices.
If you are a praying man, it's not too early to start.

 

[weezell]

If you are a praying man, it's not too early to start

+1 Philip...

 

[nsfisher]

Nope mate, you are not a hypocrite. As I told my children many years ago:
"I am an adult and choose to smoke, knowing what the health repercussions may be. When you become of age, I hope you choose not to smoke, but you will be well educated on the health issues by said time".
Schools now-a-days, do a great job of educating our Children on the horrors of smoking. The age to buy smoking products in Nova Scotia, Canada, is 19 years of age. By this time, our Children, or Young Adults, will have enough knowledge to make an Educated decision.
Oh yea, and to my Children, the following statement was made; There will be no smoking under this roof. I don't smoke here, so neither will you. (I didn't smoke inside when my Children lived home) If you wish to smoke, you may do so AFTER you move out.