"Don't trust anything you read or hear, and only half of what you see." - Both my folks drummed this into me incessantly - fortunately, thanks to their teaching, I only half believed them! 
Your Fathers Favorite Sayings
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Another one of my dad's favorites when me and my sister were bugging him, " Go play in traffic".
When discussing the stock market he would say, " Bulls and bears make money, but pigs get slaughtered".
Hi favorite limerick was:
There was an old man from Madrass
Whose balls were made out of brass
In in-climate weather
His balls banged together
And lightning shot out of his ass
When discussing the stock market he would say, " Bulls and bears make money, but pigs get slaughtered".
Hi favorite limerick was:
There was an old man from Madrass
Whose balls were made out of brass
In in-climate weather
His balls banged together
And lightning shot out of his ass
ditto, also
"close only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades"
"get your act together"
"looks like you stepped in shit again young man"
and most important the 7 Ps = Proper Prior Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance
A few that I remember:
Me: Dad could you make me a sandwich? Dad: Poof! You're a sandwich!
Me: Dad what time is it? Dad: Time to get a watch.
"Aren't you just full of piss and vinegar."
"You look like a monkey humping a football."
"Hey who sings this song? ..... Why don't you let them sing it?"
and finally, "You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose."
Me: Dad could you make me a sandwich? Dad: Poof! You're a sandwich!
Me: Dad what time is it? Dad: Time to get a watch.
"Aren't you just full of piss and vinegar."
"You look like a monkey humping a football."
"Hey who sings this song? ..... Why don't you let them sing it?"
and finally, "You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose."
Grandfather would tell me he"d rather a thief than a Liar because you knew the thief was gonna steal, but the Liar? The old cajun
When we stood in front of the TV Dad would say, "You make a better door than a window."
"Isn't there somewhere you need to be?"
"Your brother was not put here for your amusement."
"The bigger they are, the harder they hit."
"Isn't there somewhere you need to be?"
"Your brother was not put here for your amusement."
"The bigger they are, the harder they hit."
LOL... Totally forgot about that door/window comment. :rofl: I also remember him saying similarly, "I'm not a glass maker." Also anytime my brother or I acted strangely, "You must be the mailman's kids."
"Do more than what is expected"
"You have to sleep sometime."- This is probably the sole reason I grew up to be a night owl. Thanks Dad.
"You have to sleep sometime."- This is probably the sole reason I grew up to be a night owl. Thanks Dad.
"You don't know how long that snake is till you stretch em out." Meaning their is always more to a person or situation than is readily seen. And "one boy is a boy,two boys is half a boy, and three boys ain't no boy atall." Meaning kids do dumber stuff they wouldn't normally do when i na group.
One of my dad's favorites along with some others on this post.
And, You only have so much fight in you, so chose the battles you can win and leave the rest alone.
My dad has plenty but the most recent I remember was after I smoked a drive off of a telephone pole while playing golf the other day. The angle was perfect and the ball ricocheted right into the middle of the fairway. My dad's comment was "Boy.......you're luckier than a two peckered billy goat."
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