You Have No Cellar, Nor Do I
- Thread starter iamn8
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That's a Cellar!! LOVE your color choices!!! That red is brilliant!!! What's the beverage of choice? Dark Knight is my second favorite movie of all time. Physics, time, movies... Great tastes!!! That could very well have been my room! Are those glasses Baccarat?
My juvenile sense of humor is my own cross to bare, as is your lack of sense of humor your cross (unless you are atheist) to bare.
Stuff got complicated when people started referring to those little refrigerator gadgets as "wine cellars."
And I thought a wine cellar was a drunken Frenchman with a beret...
Fantastic! Would love to see more.
Nothing wrong with sixth-grade humor... it's generally funnier than the Sophisticated(tm) variety.
My advice when it comes to creating and curating a tobacco cellar can be summarized as follows:
1. Just because you have a few tins of tobacco does not mean you have a cellar, in the same way that having a dog and a parakeet does not mean that you have a zoo. Volume and variety are key.
2. You need a really large and temperature-controlled place to store your tobacco. I prefer an abandoned prison, but other venues may be suitable.
3. You must store your tobacco in cabinets that have a dramatic flourish about them in order to impress the poor schmucks who frequent internet pipe forums. My cabinets are made from severely endangered Madagascar baobab trees that I illegally chopped down myself. Having a famous architect design your cabinets, like the world-renowned Ikea, may also serve this purpose.
4. You don’t need to know anything about tobacco to have a great tobacco cellar. I know dozens of people with amazing tobacco cellars, though none nearly as comprehensive and valuable as mine, and not one of them knows the first thing about tobacco. Remember, you can always buy people who actually know something. Don’t bother to understand tobacco; strive to possess as much of it as you can. Appearance always trumps authenticity. This is true of most things that cost money, like breasts and politicians.
5. Money is as useful to cellaring tobacco as having fingers is to bowling. You can bowl without fingers, but it isn't nearly as much fun and you would look goofy doing it.
1. Just because you have a few tins of tobacco does not mean you have a cellar, in the same way that having a dog and a parakeet does not mean that you have a zoo. Volume and variety are key.
2. You need a really large and temperature-controlled place to store your tobacco. I prefer an abandoned prison, but other venues may be suitable.
3. You must store your tobacco in cabinets that have a dramatic flourish about them in order to impress the poor schmucks who frequent internet pipe forums. My cabinets are made from severely endangered Madagascar baobab trees that I illegally chopped down myself. Having a famous architect design your cabinets, like the world-renowned Ikea, may also serve this purpose.
4. You don’t need to know anything about tobacco to have a great tobacco cellar. I know dozens of people with amazing tobacco cellars, though none nearly as comprehensive and valuable as mine, and not one of them knows the first thing about tobacco. Remember, you can always buy people who actually know something. Don’t bother to understand tobacco; strive to possess as much of it as you can. Appearance always trumps authenticity. This is true of most things that cost money, like breasts and politicians.
5. Money is as useful to cellaring tobacco as having fingers is to bowling. You can bowl without fingers, but it isn't nearly as much fun and you would look goofy doing it.
I am destined to never cellar successfully. The reason is that I like a few things, none of them rare, and smoke them with great delight when I have them. Over time, I'd simply stockpile a few dozen pounds of each and retire to my study. More fun is the tasting of different blends, getting to know them, and then moving on or adding them to the short list of things I think kick total ass.
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