I have either been away from the Northeast for too long, or not long enough. This afternoon, I woke up in a haze from a well-deserved after-work nap to an episode of "This Old House" on PBS. After what was apparently a lengthy renovation, they had the code inspector present, and what appeared to be a recap of his many previous visits. I'm not drawing a direct parallel between nanny-state tobacco laws and building codes, but there was some niggling sense of familiarity.
Here's an example of how a chat goes between a homeowner and Code Enforcement in Arizona:
HO: "Hello, Code Enforcement? I'd like to do some renovations to my home, and am looking for some guidance."
CE: "How extensive are these renovations?"
HO: "Well, I'd like to dynamite the house off of the foundation and completely start over."
CE: "Why are you calling us?"
HO: "I thought you could give me some guidance."
CE: "Oh, okay. You should go to Home Depot. They should have everything you need."
HO: "I meant more with the building part."
CE: "Oh, right. There should be an assload of illegals in the Home Depot parking lot that can help you out. Try not to call us again."
The conversation with CE on "This Old House" sounded more like:
CE: "So, looks like some good woohk heah. I notice the spiral staih treads tapah to less than six inch at the narrah end. Big safety hazahd, but ya get grandfathah'd in. Same with that bannistah; should be continuous and wrapped with six inches ah foam rubbah fah safety, but, again, grandfatha'd. Can't give ya a pass on that landing, though. State says it needs a good eight inches a bubble wrap. Get that taken carrah, good to go. Looks like you got the standahd 14 smoke detectahs per room, and the CO2 detectahs with the diesel backup generatah. You didn't do any plumbin' mods, did yah?"
HO: "Well, we have a leaky washer in the hall bath..."
CE: "Oh,yeah. Definitely gonna hafta get our plumbin' guy out heah. Probably be in a couple weeks ah so. Could be an old asbestos washah on that thing. Don't wanna mess with that. Say, you don't have anything in heah that's evah been painted, do ya? Yeah? Gonna hafta get the lead paint contractah out heah as soon as we can...".
Here's an example of how a chat goes between a homeowner and Code Enforcement in Arizona:
HO: "Hello, Code Enforcement? I'd like to do some renovations to my home, and am looking for some guidance."
CE: "How extensive are these renovations?"
HO: "Well, I'd like to dynamite the house off of the foundation and completely start over."
CE: "Why are you calling us?"
HO: "I thought you could give me some guidance."
CE: "Oh, okay. You should go to Home Depot. They should have everything you need."
HO: "I meant more with the building part."
CE: "Oh, right. There should be an assload of illegals in the Home Depot parking lot that can help you out. Try not to call us again."
The conversation with CE on "This Old House" sounded more like:
CE: "So, looks like some good woohk heah. I notice the spiral staih treads tapah to less than six inch at the narrah end. Big safety hazahd, but ya get grandfathah'd in. Same with that bannistah; should be continuous and wrapped with six inches ah foam rubbah fah safety, but, again, grandfatha'd. Can't give ya a pass on that landing, though. State says it needs a good eight inches a bubble wrap. Get that taken carrah, good to go. Looks like you got the standahd 14 smoke detectahs per room, and the CO2 detectahs with the diesel backup generatah. You didn't do any plumbin' mods, did yah?"
HO: "Well, we have a leaky washer in the hall bath..."
CE: "Oh,yeah. Definitely gonna hafta get our plumbin' guy out heah. Probably be in a couple weeks ah so. Could be an old asbestos washah on that thing. Don't wanna mess with that. Say, you don't have anything in heah that's evah been painted, do ya? Yeah? Gonna hafta get the lead paint contractah out heah as soon as we can...".
