We Are From The Global ... And We're Here To Help...

[carver]

I just read this in an old edition of Pipes and Tobaccos Winter 2013 and I found it absolutely hilarious and thus I want to share it with you.

There was a change in the preliminary questions asked by a young nurse at my last medical

checkup. “Have you ever smoked?” she asked.

That made me pause. I’ve made no secret of my smoking and that’s reflected in my

medical records. “Yes,” I said.

“When did you quit?”

Another head-scratcher. I always reek of smoke and was surprised that this medical

professional couldn’t detect it. Fishmongers have sniffed the air on my approach and

asked if someone is smoking.

“About 15 minutes ago, when I got out of my car.”

Now it was her turn to pause. “So you’re having trouble stopping smoking?” she asked.

“No. Pipes go out all the time. It’s why I carry a lighter.”

She was flummoxed. I had the impression I was the first smoker she’d met who wasn’t

contrite about smoking and anxious to be delivered from tobacco.

“I’ll let the doctor know he needs to prescribe something.”

“Pharmaceutical companies have enough money already. Keep your prescription.”

It reminded me of a similar episode following surgery last year. I had an unusual

coughing fit as I was coming out of anesthetic. The hospital staff was helpful: They said I

was risking my stitches and told me to stop coughing, which I eventually did. Not being

a medical professional, I’d never have found that solution myself.

Five minutes after I was wheeled out of recovery and into my hospital room, a happy,

upbeat young man sauntered in and introduced himself as a respiratory therapist. “I

guess you’re not a smoker anymore,” he said. “I brought some quit-smoking flyers.”

“I’m a pipe smoker.”

“But you want to quit after that coughing episode.”

“You think pipe smoking caused that?”

“Of course.”

“I’ve smoked nearly every day for 30 years and never had a coughing fit. Then today

I did—right after you guys stuck tubes down my throat and forced gas into my lungs for

two hours. And you think the most probable cause is …?”

“Smoking, naturally.”

“You poor deluded drone. Is that the caliber of critical thinking they encourage in

respiratory therapist school?”

He blinked. He seemed to expect gratitude rather than ridicule. “If you’re not worried

for yourself, you should know that passive smoking causes more than 50,000 deaths—”

“I’ve researched the subject for years. I’ll be polite and wait until you’re gone before

destroying that rubbish—if you go away now.”

He left. I’ve been noticing this attitude lately—the assumption that all smokers want to

quit, that they recognize absolutely no value in smoking. And I see that attitude mainly

from younger medical people. I think it’s what they’re taught in school now. It bothers

me. It presupposes that I’m incapable of steering my own life and that I require intervention

to appropriately alter my ignorant behavior. I especially resent the imbecilic earnestness

of those employing this tired propaganda technique. They don’t know they’re being

used to disseminate misinformation and oppress others. They don’t seem to recognize

that they’re tools.

But I’m willing to tell them.

 

[beerandbaccy]

This sums up the attitude I guess. I'm all for education about risks of various forms of behaviour, like smoking, eating certain foods, drinking too much alcohol etc. but let us make our informed decisions and live with them.

 

[jvnshr]

One nice memory of Warren probably

 

[anarchisthermit]

Maybe you just have to be old and curmudgeonly for this to work.
Health care worker: Do you smoke?

Me: Yes. I usually have a pipe in my mouth when not eating or sleeping. No, I have no desire to quit in order to extend my stay in a nursing home when that time comes.

 

[gloucesterman]

My doctor told me, in a similar situation, "smoking will take ten years off your life". I smiled and told him "yes Doctor but those are the ten years I'd be in some rest home drooling all over myself so they have gladly have them". We haven't had that discussion since.

 

[fitzy]

My Dr. when he asked me if I smoked I told him a pipe and an occasional cigar. His response was that's not smoking that's enjoying yourself.

 

[carver]

I wonder what's going to be my next chat with my doctor like...

Since he'll probably be chinese, he might be smoking one while taking my blood pressure.

 

[twangthang]

Shouldn't the question be..

"Do you smoke cigarettes?"

The person answers yes

"Do you need help switching to pipes? I have some literature on how to pack and smoke a pipe."