In this edition of Trustworthy Tobacco Review Co's tobacco reviews we'll be taking a closer look at Orlik Golden Sliced.
There's a lot on this label that doesn't really inform us about the tobacco inside and there are a couple things that do. Let's go ahead and get everything we don't need to worry about out of the way. Red background, yellow accents, most of the words on the can. All superfluous.
Now, let's look at what really matters. The old lady in a red dress with her dinner napkin still stuffed in her collar as she smokes a pipe. Weird. The phrases "smoked by all shrewd judges" and "a high grade pipe tobacco". I believe these will be the keys to the puzzle that really help us get a handle on this tobacco.
Let's start with the old lady. You may be asking yourself, "Why does this lady have a napkin stuffed in her neck while she's smoking?". Well, I'm here to tell you why. Because she's a shrewd judge, or at least she considers herself one. While you may not be familiar with this particular pipe smoking lady in the red dress, you most likely know one just like her. She's a busybody. You know the kind. She was sitting down to dinner, when she suddenly hears the sound of a car she doesn't recognize pulling into the neighbors driveway. Needing an excuse to be outside and investigate what's going on next door, she quickly grabs her pipe and steps out on the porch. In her haste to observe the scene outside, she forgot her napkin still tucked in her collar. If you drive an old car, she can't believe you'd park that eye sore in such a nice neighborhood. If you buy a new car, she'll suspect you're selling drugs because she knows where you work and you can't possibly afford it. She'll compliment your casserole at the church potluck and then put in an anonymous call to the police if your kid takes a shortcut through her grass on their bicycle. She's a self assured shrewd judge.
Now, what kind of pipe tobacco would a shrewd judge smoke? A high grade one, you better believe. A person of exacting standards and impeccable moral constitution wouldn't settle for a medium or low grade tobacco. No, a person of this caliber can only be satisfied if their tobacco is high grade, and you better believe it's better than yours.
Room note probably smells like avon and moth balls and these carry over into the flavor quite heavily. Moisture level is bone dry and it burns hot.
4 star blend if you can't believe someone would have company at this hour.
Disclaimer: If you are offended by this review, it's only because it's true, and you should tend to your lawn. Your hedges are a disgrace.
