In this edition of Trustworthy Tobacco Review Co's tobacco reviews, we're going to take a look at arguably one of the most popular pipe tobaccos to ever be produced, Frog Morton's Cellar.
The tin art here features quite a strange scene. From the name on the tin "Frog Morton's Cellar" we can safely deduce that what we're seeing here is, Frog Morton (he's the pipe smoking frog in the ascot), in his cellar. Barrels of whiskey everywhere. A broken barrel on the floor. A bottle of whisky and a glass of whiskey on the barrel Mr. Morton is sitting beside.
Tobacco leaves hanging on the wall. A row boat conveniently stashed in the aquifer for a speedy get away.
As usual, we need to figure out what's going on in the tin art, in order to be able to determine what's going on inside the tin. Luckily, I'm pretty much an expert at figuring out what the paint on the can means, and I've already put all the pieces together in such a succinct way, that you'll pretty much about tell exactly what this tobacco tastes like without even smoking it, pretty much.
Here are the major clues.
The first fact that the evidence presents us is this. Mr. Frog Morton is a bootlegger. Why else would he be hiding a bunch of liquor in his basement, with a getaway boat in a secret aquifer?
Second fact is this. Frog has clearly been caught off guard. The surprise and fear written all over his features is evident. Leaning back, arms raised, eyes bugging. Someone else is in the room and they're threatening his life.
Hopefully you're following along up to this point. Some of you may be following along, and even jumping ahead a little and assuming you know who's in the room! Revenuers right? The law men busting in on Frog for runnin' likker, and not paying his taxes right? Wrong. Remember when I pointed out 2 stools, and only one glass. Well, I've read enough Sherlock Holmes to realize something. Two stools, means two people. The law man doesn't come in and pull up a chair. Clearly it's someone Frog knows. We can judge from the fact that there's only one glass, that this someone also doesn't drink.
We can also tell from the busted barrel on the ground, that they're angry. Very angry.
Now, why would someone who doesn't drink, be hanging out in a bootlegging frogs basement? Remember the tobacco leaves on the wall? Not only is Frog a bootlegger, he also fancies himself a tobacco blender. So, we can safely deduce that the person in Frog's cellar threatening his life is a disgruntled tobacco customer. Why would he be disgruntled? This one's easy. Let me tell you a story.
One year I planted black beans in my garden. When it was time to harvest and dry the beans, there were also rain storms in the area. I decided that I could dry the beans by hanging them up in my basement and keep them from rotting with all the rain. Bad idea. The basement had a bit of moisture and within a week the beans were molded. There's two lessons here,
1.Don't dry beans in a humid basement
2.Don't dry tobacco in a "cellar" right next to a subterranean river!
Frog was taking moldy tobacco, and soaking it in whisky to mask the fungus. The mystery person threatening his life has had enough. I don't think I'll be smoking anything from is basement either.
Has a Tin note Shiitake and bootleg liquor. Burns evenly with a cool blue flame all the way down to the bottom of the bowl to a fine green ash.
A full bodied blend. The whiskey is the leading component. Notes of antifreeze and penicillin swirl in and out throughout the smoke.
5/5 stars if you mix alcohol and antibiotics.
Disclaimer: No frogs were harmed in the writing of this review.
The tin art here features quite a strange scene. From the name on the tin "Frog Morton's Cellar" we can safely deduce that what we're seeing here is, Frog Morton (he's the pipe smoking frog in the ascot), in his cellar. Barrels of whiskey everywhere. A broken barrel on the floor. A bottle of whisky and a glass of whiskey on the barrel Mr. Morton is sitting beside.
Tobacco leaves hanging on the wall. A row boat conveniently stashed in the aquifer for a speedy get away.
As usual, we need to figure out what's going on in the tin art, in order to be able to determine what's going on inside the tin. Luckily, I'm pretty much an expert at figuring out what the paint on the can means, and I've already put all the pieces together in such a succinct way, that you'll pretty much about tell exactly what this tobacco tastes like without even smoking it, pretty much.
Here are the major clues.
- Mr. Morton is in his cellar
- Cellar is a fancy word for basement
- Liquor barrels everywhere
- Busted liquor barrel on the floor
- Getaway boat
- Two seats, one frog, only one whisky glass
The first fact that the evidence presents us is this. Mr. Frog Morton is a bootlegger. Why else would he be hiding a bunch of liquor in his basement, with a getaway boat in a secret aquifer?
Second fact is this. Frog has clearly been caught off guard. The surprise and fear written all over his features is evident. Leaning back, arms raised, eyes bugging. Someone else is in the room and they're threatening his life.
Hopefully you're following along up to this point. Some of you may be following along, and even jumping ahead a little and assuming you know who's in the room! Revenuers right? The law men busting in on Frog for runnin' likker, and not paying his taxes right? Wrong. Remember when I pointed out 2 stools, and only one glass. Well, I've read enough Sherlock Holmes to realize something. Two stools, means two people. The law man doesn't come in and pull up a chair. Clearly it's someone Frog knows. We can judge from the fact that there's only one glass, that this someone also doesn't drink.
We can also tell from the busted barrel on the ground, that they're angry. Very angry.
Now, why would someone who doesn't drink, be hanging out in a bootlegging frogs basement? Remember the tobacco leaves on the wall? Not only is Frog a bootlegger, he also fancies himself a tobacco blender. So, we can safely deduce that the person in Frog's cellar threatening his life is a disgruntled tobacco customer. Why would he be disgruntled? This one's easy. Let me tell you a story.
One year I planted black beans in my garden. When it was time to harvest and dry the beans, there were also rain storms in the area. I decided that I could dry the beans by hanging them up in my basement and keep them from rotting with all the rain. Bad idea. The basement had a bit of moisture and within a week the beans were molded. There's two lessons here,
1.Don't dry beans in a humid basement
2.Don't dry tobacco in a "cellar" right next to a subterranean river!
Frog was taking moldy tobacco, and soaking it in whisky to mask the fungus. The mystery person threatening his life has had enough. I don't think I'll be smoking anything from is basement either.
Has a Tin note Shiitake and bootleg liquor. Burns evenly with a cool blue flame all the way down to the bottom of the bowl to a fine green ash.
A full bodied blend. The whiskey is the leading component. Notes of antifreeze and penicillin swirl in and out throughout the smoke.
5/5 stars if you mix alcohol and antibiotics.
Disclaimer: No frogs were harmed in the writing of this review.
