Brothers and Sisters, please return to the Fold. We, as devout Followers of The Leaf, must rededicate ourselves to the Great Teachings and resist the temptations put before us. We must, despite the cries of the non-believers, follow the footsteps of the Great Ones, Dunhill, Barling, Comoy, and all their Brethren. We must unite under the One True Church of Nicotine, and raise the standard of Burley, Virginia, Latakia, and Perique!
As a duly established and recognized religion, we have no alternative but to sue for our religious exemption from this sacrilegious and discriminatory attempt to impose others' beliefs upon us. The Government has a long-standing position of exempting religious organizations from its devious plans and cannot ignore our plea!
Chant with me, now, "Lunting! Lunting! Lunting!"