I was sitting at the kitchen table after dinner tonight fine tuning the button on one of my pipes and my seven year old sat down beside me and started asking me lots of questions about my pipes. He was really taking an interest, he asked me what each part was called and why I smoked a pipe. Then he said how come I never see you smoke your pipe much? I hadn't thought too much about it really. When my sixteen year old was little he had a bubble pipe, and then a little briar pipe and there are pictures of him with a pipe in his mouth on my lap while I smoked smoking his own pipe. You see I don't smoke less now than back in the late 90's in fact I probably smoke much more. I run my own construction business so have a pipe in my mouth pretty much from the time that I leave in the morning with my first coffee to my getting home at night. I smoke a bowl when I take the dog for a walk at night and outside on Saturday and Sunday while tinkering. Somewhere along the way I think I bought into the second hand smoke rhetoric because I smoke so little around my kids now that they are asking why I don't smoke anymore. So while it's great that my son is taking an interest although the chance of him taking up the hobby in 15 or 20 years is slim these days I have to ask myself, am I doing them a disservice by not smoking around them more. Some of my fondest memories of my Dad are with his pipe. It was a part of him. He smelled like a pipe, his tobacco and pine shavings and Old Spice aftershave. I realized that I do not shave in front of my kids, yet it was a favorite memory of mine watching my Dad shave and getting shaving cream put on my nose by his huge hands. I wonder, is the thread of second hand smoke real enough that somewhere along the way I am robbing my kids of memories I had, or have I just gotten to busy to realize what incredible memories these things create. Food for thought........ Weight in with your opinions I would love to hear them.
The Younger Generation in My House Is Taking An Interest and an Opinion Needed
- Thread starter piperl12
- Start date
- Status
I think it's great that your son is taking an interest in the hobby. I've been through this myself, and with a late-life little one, I'll be going through it again. You are paving the way for his critical thinking processes and his ability to think outside herd-mentality group think. Excellent. You're setting him up for a lifetime of independent thinking, not to mention a lifetime of enjoyment of fine tobacco pleasure and overall discernment of taste.
I'm not a dad, so there's my disclaimer. I'd be as straightforward as possible. Kids know when they are
being propagandized, but they also want your point of view, maybe balanced by at least telling them about
the objections to smoking they might hear. Why don't they see you smoking much? Because young people
are especially sensitive and might have some sort of allergy or asthma that could be irritated by your pipe.
(Or not, if that's not what you believe. But that's what I might say.) You have to keep this all age appropriate,
simpler for younger kids, more nuanced and balanced for older kids. Sooner or later they will interrogate you
about smoking and your health. Then you have to be upfront about how you moderate the habit, or why you
don't. The main point, be honest and real, about facts, about how you feel, leaving room for other opinions
(theirs) when the time comes. There is not a more difficult assignment in this life than being a parent, but
that's why it's such a point of pride with most parents.
being propagandized, but they also want your point of view, maybe balanced by at least telling them about
the objections to smoking they might hear. Why don't they see you smoking much? Because young people
are especially sensitive and might have some sort of allergy or asthma that could be irritated by your pipe.
(Or not, if that's not what you believe. But that's what I might say.) You have to keep this all age appropriate,
simpler for younger kids, more nuanced and balanced for older kids. Sooner or later they will interrogate you
about smoking and your health. Then you have to be upfront about how you moderate the habit, or why you
don't. The main point, be honest and real, about facts, about how you feel, leaving room for other opinions
(theirs) when the time comes. There is not a more difficult assignment in this life than being a parent, but
that's why it's such a point of pride with most parents.
I have always been upfront with my smoking with my daughters. From sharing my first stories about how I started to having them as support as I was struggling with quitting cigarettes for ten years. I would have thought that with their brainwashing at school and watching me struggle, that they would not have been interested in starting to smoke. But, this new generation is just as curious about cigarettes as my generation was. When my oldest was in school I would see parking lots of kids all smoking, and then started finding evidence at home of cigs. They approve of the pipe, and I encouraged my oldest to swap the cigs for the pipe, but as she slips with age out of the grasp of parental control, I am not sure what she has truly decided.
I have mixed feelings on the whole subject and frustrations.
I just keep the whole "change what I can and accept those I can't" thing in mind, but...
I have mixed feelings on the whole subject and frustrations.
I just keep the whole "change what I can and accept those I can't" thing in mind, but...
Rob my little guy asks a ton of questions too and I've had to really think about my responses. My 11 year old is critical of smoking so I explained to her why I do it and how it helps me relax when I'm very stressed. I also pull out facts for her so she understands that I did my homework and although I'm taking a risk it is a calculated risk. I struggle with the second hand smoke thing too and generally don't smoke indoors around them. I do however smoke around the campfire at the trailer with them and my boy likes how it smells.
Thanks guys, it's not too often I look at these things critically and examine my current motives. Usually I just smoke a pipe and don't think about it. Tonight gave me pause for thought in why I do what I do, and what has changed over the years. I appreciate the comments from the gang. It really is a different world we live in and its not changing for the better.
One of my favorite photos is of my now thirty year old son at the age of just under two years with one of my pipes dangling from his mouth. I thought my mother in law would bust a gut. He doesn't smoke a pipe--or anything else either, and when I tell him that the more people smoke pipes, the better the world would be, he sorta looks at me.
I don't think anyone would benefit from you trying to consciously smoke around your kids, it sounds like you are smoking as much as you want to and your children are aware that you smoke, so I don't see much to be gained from wanting them to actually see you smoke. Olfaction is the strongest link to memory, and with a pipe in hand that long, I'm sure it is part of your scent that they will always associate with "dad." Unless you are wanting to intentionally prrime him to smoke a pipe, I would keep on with the routine you have...which sounds great, I'd love to smoke at work!
From as far back as I can remember, my parents always spoke to me as if I were an adult ... I was never brushed off or 'talked down to' the way some kids are by their parents ... as a kid, I didn't recognize this for what it was and after becoming a parent, I treated my own children in that manner without consciously being aware of it.
I don't think that requires an overly detailed response to the question ... no need to tell the kid how to build a clock if all he's asking for is the time of day ... but, answer as best you can without glamorizing or unduly demonizing smoking
I don't think that requires an overly detailed response to the question ... no need to tell the kid how to build a clock if all he's asking for is the time of day ... but, answer as best you can without glamorizing or unduly demonizing smoking
My 17 yr old Grandson I don't believe will ever smoke, saying that he is very interested in History and I show him the pipes I want him to have when I pass and keep, the 1943 Birth year Dunhill, explained to him about the war and the rarity of this piece, he was in awe of the 5460 yr old Morta with Carbon Dating. Pipes to me are works of Art and you don't have to be a painter to enjoy a Painting so IMHO you don't have to be a smoker to enjoy pipes.
IMHO, your son will have memories of your pipe smoking no matter how often or rarely you smoke around them. I am sure he will smell the tobacco scent in the car and on your clothes, it will be implanted in a myriad of ways.
FWIW, I am not a big believer in the threat of "second hand" smoke. My parents both smoked for the entire time I lived at home. In my own case, my daughters are 9 & 11. I do not smoke in the house, but if I am on the porch smoking or in the basement and they come sit next to me, I don't panic about it.
FWIW, I am not a big believer in the threat of "second hand" smoke. My parents both smoked for the entire time I lived at home. In my own case, my daughters are 9 & 11. I do not smoke in the house, but if I am on the porch smoking or in the basement and they come sit next to me, I don't panic about it.
My parents quit smoking when I was 7, and I started smoking at 11 (cigars, was never a cigarette man). My son saw me puff a cigar now and then but I never smoked in the house when he was growing up, and he started cigarettes at 14. He quit when he became a father...wonder what his son will do when he gets to his teens. I don't think parents have any influence toward or against their kids starting smoking, it's mainly going to be about who the other kids are they hang out with. But as far as second hand smoke goes, I'm a firm believer in not subjecting nonsmokers to it. That includes my wife, kids and pets.
Not sure if this is going to encourage him or not, but he loves my pipes so I got him one of his own. Not that this adds much to the conversation but I believe in being open with my kids and in particular with my 11 year old I talk frankly about things with her. Eventually they will make their own decisions anyways.
I spent all day every day with my kids(one with athsma). Smoking was a good way for me to take a break. I always smelled. They'd find me outside. Pipes, cigars, tobacco were everywhere. The car stunk. I never thought twice that they were NOT well aware of my obsession. I never intended one way or another for them to think other than "that's papa". I still remember my dad but he quit when I was 6. The only disservice I can think of is to give them bad memories. The bad far overshadows the good. Most of us probably remember a pipesmoking gent in a good way. I wonder why.
That's a great pic there Br. I think you'll come to treasure it more and more as you/he gets older. My kids are all grown up except for my 17 year old. She's a girl and she understands it as a guy thing right now. However, my grandsons are ten and two. I have been hesitant to smoke around them, mainly because of my wife.(She doesn't necessarily approve of me smoking a pipe, much less possibly influencing our grandsons by seeing me smoking one). However, when we were all sitting outside around the grill little over a week ago, they came out of the house and saw their "papi", dad, and two uncles all smoking a pipe, so they will see it from time to time growing up. I think it's a good thing, and they will have to decide on their own when they reach that age, just like they will do on a number of other things that might be "good" or "bad". That's life.
Thanks David, he's my little man, love spending time with him and I think he'll just associate pipe smoking with Dad when he gets older. This is another favourite pic, pre-beard. (sorry to hijack the thread Rob).
- Status