The Great Flakes or the Grand Delusion

[The Amish Tyrant]

There is no coolness in shag world.

Five Brothers begs to differ.

Like a rockstar, some tobaccos want to be Five Brothers (I'm looking at you Irish Flake, trying to act all stout), while other tobaccos want to be with it (I'm looking at you aromatics, which embrace the strength of Five Brothers in a flavorful parfait with depth and desire).

Smoke some Five Brothers and your chest hair will become thicker and curlier, emulating the shag cut you just smoked in the sincerest form of flattery. Inadvertently inhale it and your beard will.grow instantaneously while coughing to the point where those who can't grow beards will have a 5 o'clock shadow (which was undoubtedly named after Five Brothers).

So next time someone tells you shags are uncool, tell them to hide their wives and children, pull out a pouch of Five Brothers, roll some cannon balls out of the shag, lock and load your pipe, and be prepared to have coolness ooze out of your poor's with a full body transformation.

For those that didn't previously know or who haven't tried Five Brothers before, consider yourself warned. Now back to your regularly scheduled programing.

 

[rmbittner]

I love me some flake, but am beginning to wonder if I've bought into them a little to much. Part of me thinks that flakes (and their brethren, cakes, ropes and coins) are popular (or more talked about) because, due to the added process, they are perceived as special, better, cooler, like Brando or James Dean. Flake reminds us of breakfast cereals, eatable, delicious. They recall to us wood chips, chunks or hunks of something larger. They are as appreciable as a well planed and square plank of wood. They are an object to appreciate, consider, inspect, hold, admire. They show a grain! Ribbon, on the other hand, ribbon is frilly, a melange, something a gal might tie her hair up with, reminiscent of a bow, something soft, prepared, indulgent, perhaps a bit hoity-toity. And rough cut, well, while nice enough, rough cut reminds us of floor scraps, unrefined processing, little care, &etc...

Now, I smoke all cuts of tobacco, but prefer a flake, or its progenitors, the cake (among other pressed and compressed forms). However, I tend towards flakes for the aforementioned reasons, and likely, because it is more involved, more ritualistic in its processes of preparation.

Now, to my questions, why is it that such a seeming majority of the most celebrated tobaccos are flakes? Is this because of some perceived superiority (that we've self marketed to ourselves)? Or is it just a better manner of processing the tobacco, aging it, continuing fermentation, marrying the flavors, and distributing?

And to the ultimate question at which all these thoughts point: what tobaccos, if any (not distributed in pressed form (including broken or general ready rubbed for that matter)) show great superiority to equivalent flakes? Or do they just not? For example, what VA of an alternative cut outshines all flakes and presumed equivalent of ropes, coins, or cakes? What about Englishes? &etc...

Of course all of this is a matter of personal taste, but I am curious all the same, even if all this is a bit tongue in cheek.

I personally don’t choose a flake because it’s a flake; I choose it because I want to enjoy a particular blend and that’s the form the blend comes in.

 

[jpberg]

Five Brothers begs to differ.

Like a rockstar, some tobaccos want to be Five Brothers (I'm looking at you Irish Flake, trying to act all stout), while other tobaccos want to be with it (I'm looking at you aromatics, which embrace the strength of Five Brothers in a flavorful parfait with depth and desire).

Smoke some Five Brothers and your chest hair will become thicker and curlier, emulating the shag cut you just smoked in the sincerest form of flattery. Inadvertently inhale it and your beard will.grow instantaneously while coughing to the point where those who can't grow beards will have a 5 o'clock shadow (which was undoubtedly named after Five Brothers).

So next time someone tells you shags are uncool, tell them to hide their wives and children, pull out a pouch of Five Brothers, roll some cannon balls out of the shag, lock and load your pipe, and be prepared to have coolness ooze out of your poor's with a full body transformation.

For those that didn't previously know or who haven't tried Five Brothers before, consider yourself warned. Now back to your regularly scheduled programing.

The idea that 5 Bros has any ass is an internet myth, relayed by people who have not had tobacco with any ass.

 

[The Amish Tyrant]

The idea that 5 Bros has any ass is an internet myth, relayed by people who have not had tobacco with any ass.

Name your king.

 

[LeafErikson]

Flakes are awesome once you get them figured out. They’re a bit confusing at first for most pipe smokers. Certain companies make flakes that require more dry time to smoke than others. I tend to smoke more ribbon cut than flake in smaller/medium pipes for 20-40 minute smokes. It’s kind of insane how many different ways there are to enjoy the pipe when you think about it.

 

[jpberg]

Name your king.

Dark Plug, dark flake, brown bogie, brown sliced.
For starters.

 

[The Amish Tyrant]

Dark Plug, dark flake, brown bogie, brown sliced.
For starters.

Agreed, the Gawith ropes are more stout. Unfortunately, they aren't readily available.

As for shag cut, Five Brothers is king but I suppose Gawith's Dark Bird's Eye is an heir apparent.

 

[jpberg]

Agreed, the Gawith ropes are more stout. Unfortunately, they aren't readily available.

As for shag cut, Five Brothers is king but I suppose Gawith's Dark Bird's Eye is an heir apparent.

They are easily available. And there’s a half dozen GH shags stouter than todays limp dicked iteration of 5 Bros.
Need I list them for you?

 

[The Amish Tyrant]

They are easily available. And there’s a half dozen GH shags stouter than todays limp dicked iteration of 5 Bros.
Need I list them for you?

Yes.

 

[jpberg]

God.
How about any GH shag. Do I need to link the website for you?

 

[The Amish Tyrant]

God.
How about any GH shag. Do I need to link the website for you?

Nope, I'm fully capable. Figured sharing is caring.

As a moderator on another forum, I figured you be more of an ambassador instead of trolling what was initially meant to be a humorous post.

 

[jpberg]

Nope, I'm fully capable. Figured sharing is caring.

As a moderator on another forum, I figured you be more of an ambassador instead of trolling what was initially meant to be a humorous post.

I didn’t see the humor in your post. Does that make me a troll?
And I’m not a moderator here, there’s a full compliment of good fellows taking care of things.
Five Brothers used to be a good stout blend. Now it ain’t.
Sorry if I harshed your humor.

 

[hoosierpipeguy]

I don't think anyone should knock Flake until they've learned to properly pack them and smoke at least ten tins. I'm enjoying a tin of F&T Golden Mixture every morning right now which is a ribbon cut. I'll smoke any cut if I like it. Reality is, not many of the prime Virginia blends are available in anything other than Flake form. Conversely, it seems there few Flake cuts in Aromatic and English blends. I'm not so sure the debate isn't more about genre preference than cut.

I like Flake because I find it fast and easy to pack, it burns slower and the flavors are more intense. Easy experiment is to smoke Capstan Blue Flake and the Ready Rubbed version. To me, they taste like two entirely different blends. I happen to like both but prefer the Flake.

 

[ThermionicScott]

It's also a challenge to get the right sized wad that slides in easily and doesn't choke the bowl.

Story of my life... oh wait, what were we talking about?

 

[Chasing Embers]

There is no coolness in shag world.

Fans of Pembroke and Margate may disagree with that.

 

[5star]

Fold & stuff and you get a nice long smoke.
Quick & easy.
What’s not to like ?

Mac

 

[Worknman]

Flakes aren't just for looks. The pressing helps marry the flavors and also makes for a slower smoke. I like broken flakes such as C&D makes or blends like Old Gowrie.

 

[Oddball]

I haven't read all the responses but I think there is a worthy place on the shelf for all forms. My favorites is the Mac Baren ununiform coin, those little swirly looking goons. That being said, I love my flakes and scoop them up. Sometimes the ready rubbed/ribbon/shag is the right one.


If I am in a hurry: 30-45min, or in a place where I am not set up to mess with the flakes, then I go that route.

I think the rope twist things are the ones I am most confused about but I haven't tried them all and none of the bulk offerings.

 

[logs]

They are easily available. And there’s a half dozen GH shags stouter than todays limp dicked iteration of 5 Bros.
Need I list them for you?

I agree, Five Brohams is boring. I'm a Dark Birdseye guy personally.

 

[mso489]

Flake and other cuts like coin, plug, and rope, have the panache of requiring a little more effort to smoke and thus suggesting that the smoker is more advanced in their knowledge and skill, and there may be some truth in that.

I tend to smoke mostly loose tobacco of various cuts just for the savings in time.

However, I will say several good things about flake. Like the other more solid cuts, it seems to retain moisture and flavor longer than loose tobacco. Solid cuts also burn slower and longer than loose tobacco, so for example, you can pack a small chambered pipe with one of these cuts and get a much longer smoke, similar to a medium size chamber or larger.

And finally, I think the additional prep time of rubbing out, slicing, grating, or otherwise preparing flake cut blends actually adds to the ritual, sense of anticipation, and feeling and smelling the blend before you pack it and light it up that can enhance the experience. But the prep is important, so don't try to rush the process. Go with the flow.