Telling my Parents I Started Smoking

[Icepiper]

Title edited for caps and brevity. Please read rule 9.

I'm a new pipe smoker and started in the summer of '22. At the time I was 17 and now I'm 18. I smoked during summer because I don't want to smoke during winter where temperatures in Iceland can get down to -20C. When I started piping I told my parents and they were devastated and worried because I come from parents that abused drugs which in turn means I'm more likely to get addicted to things (I'm definitely not addicted to pipe smoking because I quit cold Turkey after summer). Also I am a very talented guitarist, I'm an athlete that goes 5x a week to sports practice and then 6x a week to the gym. Anyway, I told them I tried smoking a pipe once and didn't like it, which was true at that time. The hobby then grew on me and I started liking it the more I smoked my pipe. Well the summer is almost here and I want to come clean and tell my parents that I like sipping on my pipe once in a while. But it's not that simple because they are very strict, hate cigarettes and associate pipes with cigarettes, their parents used to smoke back in the day (pipes and cigarettes) and they will forever use my pipe smoking against me when I'm playing sports or tell me I waste my money on things like a pipe and tobacco. My parents got very disappointed in me and asked me where they failed me when I only told them I smoked once and didn't like it. I don't know and I also don't want to know what will happen when I tell them about my "addiction!". I need help with approaching this conversation. And I really need to tell them because they have extremely sensitive smelling-nose and there is nothing they hate more than being lied to or finding out something has been hidden from them. Btw, my grandfather will really like me even more for smoking a pipe. Anyhoo, what's my next move whilst summer is creeping in?

 

[MattRVA]

Listen to your parents and respect their wishes. Be honest always. Moderation is key, pipe smoking isn’t healthy but in moderation it can really add to life’s enjoyment. Good luck, hopefully they will come around but it sounds like their concerns are coming from a place of love.

 

[paulfg]

you are an adult it is your decision.If they don't like it well so be it.

 

[jndyer]

I am not sure what the cultural expectation in Iceland is for when someone is considered an adult. Until you are considered an adult you should listen and follow your parents wishes. Once you are an independent adult you will just have to inform your parents of you choice, listen to their concern and then live with their disappointment.

I am sure you parents love you and their concern is probably from a place of love; however, part of being an adult is making your life choices and living with the consequences. Many times in your life you will make choices that others disagree with. The only thing you can do is live your life on your terms and learn to be comfortable within yourself about these choices.

 

[simong]

 

[Sobrbiker]

If you’re living under their roof (literally or financially), respect that.
If you’re on your own, don’t flaunt it out of spite but it’s your call.

Couple of appropriate adages regarding all relationships that I wish I started living when I was your age:

-don’t lie, don’t cheat, and don’t make promises you can’t keep.

-Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don’t be mean saying it.

 

[ThermionicScott]

As a parent, it's hard not to see how your kids turn out as a reflection on you and your efforts. Rationally, we should know that our kids are going to turn out however they will, but I think it generally takes a lot of time to become comfortable with that reality. When your kid is still a teenager, it probably hasn't been enough time yet.

So in the meantime, I wouldn't lie about it, but I also wouldn't bring it up unprompted. Take a shower and wear clean clothes every time you go over.

From what I've gathered, a bowl per day on average has a negligible effect on mortality. Riding my bike to work probably has a much greater chance of ending my life prematurely. So your parents may never like your choice to take up pipe smoking, but perhaps in time they will at least respect that you have weighed the risks and made your own choice. Or not -- you can't control how your parents turn out, either.

 

[The Amish Tyrant]

If it's a concern enough to join and make this post on the forum the same day, you seemingly know how your situation will play out and are likely wanting affirmation to proceed.

In short, you can always do what you want but there are consequences to each decision. If still relying on The Bank of Mom and Dad, proceed with caution.

 

[monty55]

I assume you still live at home?
Sounds like you got your head on straight. You take care of your body. That speaks volumes on the decisions you've made with respect to your health and well being, but it's best to respect your parents rules while living under their roof.

Having said that, if smoking a pipe is the worst thing you do that's such a disappointment to them, your doing well my friend ... you might mention that in your discussion with them.

 

[Icepiper]

Thanks for all the tips and answers. I am definitely going to tell them and they need to accept that. I have been looking for an apartment where I can enjoy the pipe at peace, so that will be the case. Thanks a lot.

 

[cosmicfolklore]

Yeh, adult or not, you’re not totally free to make your own life choices till you are paying for your own place, transportation, and bills. Until then, respect your parents.

 

[ThermionicScott]

Thanks for all the tips and answers. I am definitely going to tell them and they need to accept that. I have been looking for an apartment where I can enjoy the pipe at peace, so that will be the case. Thanks a lot.

If the pipe smoking is something they "need to accept", you'd better get that apartment lined up sooner rather than later.

 

[trouttimes]

Tell your parents that your girlfriend is pregnant, you got drunk and wrecked your car and the gun wasn’t your. After all that, pipe smoking will seem trivial.

 

[kcghost]

Well, you have a problem. You have the problem of doing what your well-meaning and misinformed parents wish you to do or going ahead as you think is best. If you were in the U.S, where the legal smoking is 21, I'd say respect your parents' wishes until then. If you are living at home respect their wishes regardless of your age. If you're of age and don't live at home, do as you wish. In other words, "man up". You won't be the first person here who has to disappoint their controlling parents.

 

[sablebrush52]

Just be honest. In the long run, life goes better when you're honest. Ups and downs are part of it and none of that is permanent.

 

[Scottmi]

At the bottom of this link are some papers and discussion of the health risks associated with pipe smoking in particular, which may help you with your general approach and consideration for your own mitigation practices (such as using a water pick).
There may be an extensive thread here, somewhere, too?

 

[JOHN72]

It can be very expensive to invest in this. Europe is already making it almost impossible to smoke and drink alcohol, with the price hikes, and their anti-everything campaigns. Start small, try it for a while, and then maybe decide if it is really worth it or not. Above all, don't get obsessed, and analyze the tobacco world in your country, laws, prices, etc. Good luck.

 

[mso489]

Don't introduce them to this idea by lighting up. In some pleasant, relaxed situation, I would off-handedly mention that you are trying out a pipe to smoke now and then. You're an adult, so do not approach this like you are asking their permission. You are just sharing a minor fact of your life.

If they are negative, slightly, or completely horrified, give them much more time, and mention it again in months or a year from now. If they are only mildly disapproving, let it drop, but mention it again in some weeks. I'd give them plenty of time to adjust, and then eventually, if they are accepting, you could announce that you are stepping outside their place to smoke your pipe, and then come right back and continue with regular family activities.

Be respectful, be polite, be affectionate as possible, and see what happens. If they are totally rejecting on an ongoing basis, then just don't smoke around them or mention it much in the future. Maintain other things you enjoy having in common with them. You'll always need your parents in an emotional way, and they will always need you, so leave room for that. Your parents and your children are a life-long thing, as is family in general. Work with it as best as possible. There will always be points of irritation; hey, it's a family.

 

[olkofri]

Lean on your grandfather to make your case. Maybe break out the news during a gathering or when your grandpa is present. If he's still alive and well after all those years of pipe smoking it should help dispell or at the very least somehow allay the fears your parents have.

Do bear in mind that your parents are overreacting because they have misconceptions about things, but bear also in mind that they are worried for your wellbeing. Parents usually want the best for their children; the problem is that their idea or definition of "best" many times is anything but.

I know because my mum hates smoking and drinking. She saw the effects of alcohol with some of her brothers way back then and developed a fear and abhorrance of drunks. Where she's wrong is in her assumption that a little ALWAYS necessarily leads to full fledge vice, when the truth is that as long as you do it in moderation you're fine. Ditto tobacco. In spite of her fears and misconceptions and admonitions, I tell her that I smoke pipes and cigars and have a drink every night. In the end, we're adults, fully responsible for our decisions and free to make them.

 

[mso489]

I often joke that the term dysfunctional family is a redundancy.