Secretive P.A.D or T.A.D?

Log in

SmokingPipes.com Updates

Watch for Updates Twice a Week

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

PipesMagazine Approved Sponsor

Status
Not open for further replies.

didimauw

Moderator
Staff member
Jul 28, 2013
10,767
38,015
SE WI
Hello everyone. I try very hard to not go crazy buying pipes, tobacco, etc at one time. But i slowly add to my collection of pipes and tobacco. My fiance is all for my pipe smoking, she even shows interest occasionally. But she doesn't know how much i have. All she knows is that i have A LOT... which in my eyes, isn't enough. I sneak just about all my tobacco past her... If she knew how much money i spent, she'd lose her mind. What mamma don't know, won't hurt her...right? :)
P.s. Family always comes first. Groceries, gas, diapers, etc. Then tobacco, and pipes.

 

flyguy

Lifer
Nov 20, 2012
1,018
4
Yeah, my wife sees the packages and boxes from UPS and snail mail and sees me jarring away tobacco but doesn't ask any questions. I'm a lucky guy.

 

mso489

Lifer
Feb 21, 2013
41,211
60,659
An advice columnist I ain't, but I think it's a balance in a marriage between full disclosure and not micromanaging

each other. My wife doesn't consult me on every piece of clothing, shoes, or specialty cooking items she buys,

and I don't consult her on every pipe and tobacco purchase. On the other hand, I don't think you want to be

sneaking around. My wife models her clothes for me, and I show her my pipes and she smells the tobacco. The

more you can share, the better. Otherwise, you may tend to grow apart. Let your fiance buy you a pipe or tobacco

gift now and then, if she chooses to accept your hints and specific suggestions, and she won't feel as "outside" that

activity.

 

didimauw

Moderator
Staff member
Jul 28, 2013
10,767
38,015
SE WI
On the other hand, I don't think you want to be

sneaking around. My wife models her clothes for me, and I show her my pipes and she smells the tobacco.
Exactly! I couldn't put it a better way myself!
It's a happy medium! :)
 

voorhees

Lifer
May 30, 2012
3,833
943
Gonadistan
Same here I don't get to question her every purchase and she is the same. I don't use the "family" funds for my tobacco/pipes. I have a saturday side job for that.;

 

petes03

Lifer
Jun 23, 2013
6,212
10,660
The Hills of Tennessee
My wife gets to keep a certain percentage of her paycheck, and I get to keep some of mine. Lately, most all of mine (and sometimes a little more, shhh....) has been going towards PAD/TAD purchases. As a matter of fact, a new Peterson came in the mail today! My wife just said, "Oh, did you get another pipe?". She doesn't ask what I'm spending, she also doesn't mind if I spend a little extra as long as we can afford it. What can I say, I've got a good woman!

 

didimauw

Moderator
Staff member
Jul 28, 2013
10,767
38,015
SE WI
:) I received a new Peterson in the mail yesterday. That's actually part of the reason I started this post.

 

jah76

Lifer
Jun 27, 2012
1,611
35
Agreed MSO.
My wife would much rather me huddled around a book, a pipe, and sipping a drink at home instead of running around town like a wild man.

 
Dec 24, 2012
7,195
463
I am a lucky guy. My wife couldn't care less what I buy. I have even bought cars that she didn't know about until I drove into the driveway. She knows what I'm like and chooses her battles carefully. Of course, she is a woman, so she wisely makes a mental note of what i have bought, and tosses that at me when she wants to buy something. i just ordered a new car - a two seater convertible - no idea how she will react to that when i pull in with it in a couple of months.

 

werdna

Can't Leave
Jun 6, 2013
360
2
Buy a small corncob for her, and offer her a bowl of something you think she likes. Sit together and chat while smoking, and she may enjoy the time with you, and the pipe. The drawback is you may need to spend double on PAD/TAD.
no idea how she will react to that when i pull in with it in a couple of months.
peckinpawhombre - you are a braver man than I.

 

zonomo

Lifer
Nov 24, 2012
1,584
5
What mamma don't know, won't hurt her...right?
Sorry OP and everyone else here but I couldn't disagree more. One of the key pillars of a healthy relationship is trust. As you say "she doesn't know" but what happens when she eventually finds out? She's going to feel a sense of either betrayal or distrust. Do you really want the seeds of distrust in your relationship to be part of its foundation? Finally, do you feel the same way, that what you don''t know yet wont hurt you? Please hear my heart here, not trying to lecture you or tell you what to do, but trying to impart a little wisdom from a man who has done a few things right and a few things wrong in marriage.
BTW, I am not talking about micro mananing as mso has discussed where you share every little element of your life. However, I think in this case this is a deliberate action to hide. I hope this all works out.

 

didimauw

Moderator
Staff member
Jul 28, 2013
10,767
38,015
SE WI
Yeah i knew i would offend someone by saying that. It was a harmless joke. I'm not banging other girls, i just buy tobacco...

 

youngpiper1

Might Stick Around
Jun 6, 2013
89
0
Me and my fiance have an agreement we can buy whatever we want and it doesn't matter, as long as we can afford it, and still pay the bills. Within reason of course.

 

zonomo

Lifer
Nov 24, 2012
1,584
5
Please don't mistake me here. I'm not offended in the slightest. Just offering my .02. It's worth the price you paid for it. :D

 

barleynbaccy

Can't Leave
May 31, 2013
436
0
Its weird to some people, but the wife and I both have separate accounts and a joint. We throw money in for the bill and a percent for house upkeep and they rest we keep in our accounts. We tend to get what we want with no questions asked.

 

cigrmaster

Lifer
May 26, 2012
20,248
57,313
67
Sarasota Florida
didi, please don't take this the wrong way, but I really think you should be honest with your mate and not be hiding anything from her. If she finds out she will not trust you and that can ruin a relationship. You should work out a budget where you can spend so much on your hobby and she can spend an equal amount on her stuff.
Now this is just my opinion, but you should also be putting money away for your kids college, I am one that believes if you bring kids into the world, it it your obligation to give them the best start in life that you can and having them graduate with a ton of debt is not the responsible thing to do. I give up a lot of things so my kids can graduate college and start their lives with no debt. My oldest just graduated a private university and I could have bought a couple of dozen Bo Nordhs with the money, but I get more enjoyment seeing that he has a head start in life. Now of course when you work hard you are entitled to spend some money on yourself, but I think if you really look at things, giving your kids the best opportunity is way more satisfying at least it has been for me. I have seen people get caught up in PAD and TAD to the detriment of their marriage and their kids and I would hate to see that happen in your case.

 

didimauw

Moderator
Staff member
Jul 28, 2013
10,767
38,015
SE WI
I appreciate the concern but didn't ask for advice on being a parent. I made a comment and all of a sudden people are telling me how to live my life and care for my kid. If you didn't fully read my post I said, baby comes first, then groceries etc. I would never put my daughters life or my soon to be marriage in jeopardy because I wanted a pipe...

 

cigrmaster

Lifer
May 26, 2012
20,248
57,313
67
Sarasota Florida
did, I was not trying to tell you how to live your life, sorry if you felt that I was. I was just telling my experience is all and how I have dealt with things over the years. Of course you should always do what you feel is the right thing for you. No hard feelings I hope.

 
Status
Not open for further replies.