Running Into People Or Not

[puff_not_snuff]

Often when I walk my dog at night I hope to run into this one guy who lives in my building who I only bump into occasionally as we always have a nice chat about music etc. Actually was in a rather successful indie band in the early 00s but is a programmer now and unlike a few of the other neighbors I try to chat up he's an interesting, thoughtful person who doesn't rush into the elevator and start smashing the close door button (which I suspect does nothing) when he sees me coming. We haven't crossed paths in a few weeks now and I had some rather urgent music related crap I am looking forward to bending his ear about. I guess we could exchange numbers but- I think we both enjoy this sort of serendipitous arrangement. Anyways, it got me thinking about middle school and such, the occasions where you were hoping to bask in the light of some girl who wasn't in any of your classes but perhaps had a class in the same room before or after you, and you'd linger about to catch a glimpse of or make attempt at some awkward conversation with (but usually not), and actually just how exciting that was. I wonder how many kids experience that sort of pubescent anticipation now- or with the same intensity considering they can easily look each other up on social media and interact in a way that has a much lower risk of embarrassment... sort of sad really, distance making the heart fonder and all that. Anyways... yea, this is just another old man on his knees shaking two clawed fists grasping the decomposing hubris of youth at a cloud passing above his head on the giant feed in the sky...but well, this slow death of randomness on this mortal plane does create some existential pain, for me at least. But, whatever....that's just life in 2023 and beyond.

 

[WhiteCrown]

What an interesting thing to ponder, I haven't noticed it but you are correct. It becomes more rare to have that anxious feeling as we have less new experiences. Everything starts to become "already been done". It's good that you have something new to remind you of your youth. A good reminder to not become idle and boring while stuck in our daily routines.

I have an old friend from high school, with whom I've lost touch and not spoken with or even thought about in almost 20 years. One day (while smoking a pipe) I thought of him and wondered how life may be going for him. For some reason I decided to look him up. The internet is pretty amazing, I found his linked-in profile to see what he was doing, and a couple phone numbers. I actually got ahold of him and we reconnected. It seemed like only months had passed though it had almost been two decades. We picked up our friendship right where it trailed off. That's the closest I have come to feeling what you describe in a long time.

 

[AJL67]

My last place the guitar player from a major hair band from the 80s - currently on tour lived a few blocks away in a modest house with his elderly father. I would ride that route on my bike for exercise l, i had a Bluetooth speaker on my bike and would play bait nation or classic rock, mind you i had no idea who he was, but i would see him on the porch smoking cigarettes and we’d always wave.

One day he was cleaning his truck and a particular song was on and he yelled over that i had great taste and i laughed and said “ rock snd roll” and kept going. One day i was riding and he was at the end of his drive way shredding on s guitar, from the sound he had some massive amps in the house, i stopped to watch for a minute and he broke into that song and killed it! Told him that was awesome and that was one of my favorite bands and he smiled and said him too.

I started thinking snd googling the band and member into snd lo and behold he was the lead guitar player! One day i day him and i stopped! I would always smoke a cigar on the ride and this time i brought two in case i saw him and hit my nerve up, anyway pulled up snd offered him the stick, a little Monte 5, he lit it up snd we sat and talked, mainly random music stuff and snout living in this area, when his father got too old to be on his own but refused to move out of the house he bought with his wife decades ago this guy moved back in to take care of him. Big points there! When i was living he was like “do you know who i am?” I told him yes but I’m sure he appreciated the chill day smoking and BSing with a neighbor instead of getting asked 50 million questions. He laughed snd said he appreciated it snd to come by anytime.

I actually moved about s month later, they were back on your do i dud see him again but one of these days i might drive by snd see what’s up.

 

[hawky454]

What’s the name of the indie band? I’m just curious.

I was just thinking about this antisocial world we are living in, we are cut off from human interaction almost entirely these days. You can go grocery shopping without speaking to another soul and it’s basically encouraged, most just have their groceries delivered. My Walmart, stopped selling all tobacco products and all checkouts are self-checkouts now. It’s just odd. I do like the self-checkouts, I’m not going to lie but this is just the beginning, most people don’t even have to leave their homes anymore. I work from home, so the only real social time I get with my peers is when I’m working on a project with my colleagues who live on the west coast. The world is crowded yet it’s a lonely existence for many people.

 

[sablebrush52]

One might think that with people sharing everything on social media, from the meals they're having to the sex they're having that there would be little mystery left, but it appears that people are lonelier and more estranged than ever. Funny how so many things that people invent end up having the complete opposite effect of what was intended. Funny how few of us actually realize that.

Personally, I've always been a loner and rarely a joiner, which worked out well for me in terms of being an artist. If you're not comfortable in your own skin and comfortable with long solitary stretches you can't make any worthwhile art.

I've never been one for revisiting closed chapters. When I'm done, I'm done. I have a handful of close friendships that have endured through the decades, that are important to me, but haven't ever felt the need for a large social circle. It gets in the way for me. For others that large social circle is the way.

In high school I wasn't interested in being popular which caused me to become fairly popular, more of that result being the opposite of intentions kind of thing. I did most of the things high schoolers did back then, and added a bit of counter culture social rebellion, becoming the staff cartoonist for the first high school underground newspaper in the country. Charles Bragg liked the work enough to donate to keep us printing. And of course we were suspended, or arrested, for distributing this radical pinko stuff. Well, I wasn't, but some others were.

Hanging around, watching for the pretty girls wasn't something on my radar. Besides, I was plump and goofy looking. On the other hand I was polysyllabic, so the pretty girls with brains liked to hang out with me. Same in college. Of course in college, they liked to do more than hang out.

The very thoughtful OP brought all this back to mind, in part because I found a copy of that newspaper while cleaning out the garage as part of getting ready for the move, in part because this old geezer isn't done flipping the bird to this fraudulent society until he falls off the twig, and still doesn't give a crap about how anyone feels about that.

I still love a beautiful Constable sky, but I absolutely hate that "walking along the beach at sunset" crap.

 

[HawkeyeLinus]

Or not!

 

[kcghost]

This reminiscing is good for some fold but not so good for me. In general, people are a PITA and at best they are merely okay in modest doses. The thing about people is that if you hang around them long enough you get to see all their warts. And it isn't pretty.

 

[timelord]

A brother of a friend story...

My friend's brother used to be in a band and is actually a reasonably successful music producer these days but is also a real curmudgeon. One Christmas he was horrified when his wife invited the garbies (bin men, refuse collectors) in for a drink and mince pie.

One of the garbies spotted his collection of guitars and mentioned he used to be in a band when he was younger. Curmudgeon thought he'd better be hospitable and ask about the band; Johnny Kid and the Pirates was the answer.

(*) for you young whipper snappers out there; Johnny Kid and The Pirates were a popular beat combo in the early 60's who had several hits.

 

[anotherbob]

my job is to cover people who are off or to help with projects. So pretty much every work day consists of who am I going to see today.

 

[The Amish Tyrant]

A brother of a friend story...

My friend's brother used to be in a band and is actually a reasonably successful music producer these days but is also a real curmudgeon. One Christmas he was horrified when his wife invited the garbies (bin men, refuse collectors) in for a drink and mince pie.

One of the garbies spotted his collection of guitars and mentioned he used to be in a band when he was younger. Curmudgeon thought he'd better be hospitable and ask about the band; Johnny Kid and the Pirates was the answer.

(*) for you young whipper snappers out there; Johnny Kid and The Pirates were a popular beat combo in the early 60's who had several hits.

Peter Steele of Type O Negative worked for New York City's Department of Parks and Recreation even after the band's first major release, at times driving the garbage truck.

 

[anotherbob]

Peter Steele of Type O Negative worked for New York City's Department of Parks and Recreation even after the band's first major release, at times driving the garbage truck.

it's not that uncommon for bands of a certain size to have other jobs. Even bigger bands often have side gigs. Sometimes it's important to have steady income. Fun thing is talking to someone waiting for a royalty check that is pretty big but can't pay rent on promises.

 

[Chasing Embers]

that's just life in 2023 and beyond.

That's just adulthood no matter the time or place. Time to throw off the shackles of youth and accept it.

This reminiscing is good for some fold but not so good for me. In general, people are a PITA and at best they are merely okay in modest doses. The thing about people is that if you hang around them long enough you get to see all their warts. And it isn't pretty.

^^^^^^^
This

Crying about the past isn't going to bring it back and won't allow someone to move forward. I avoid people at every opportunity as they hinder my ability to function.

 

[brian64]

This reminiscing is good for some fold but not so good for me. In general, people are a PITA and at best they are merely okay in modest doses. The thing about people is that if you hang around them long enough you get to see all their warts. And it isn't pretty.

That's just adulthood no matter the time or place. Time to throw off the shackles of youth and accept it.


^^^^^^^
This

Crying about the past isn't going to bring it back and won't allow someone to move forward. I avoid people at every opportunity as they hinder my ability to function.

 

[AppalachianPipe92]

Great point madd by @sablebrush52 about people being more lonely the more engaged they are with social media. I see this with friends in my life. Their social media looks like they got the world by the horns and are taking full advantage, but really they're lonely and just don't really have anything going on in life.
Like you, I'm a loner. It's hard for me to talk to people in real life. But I'm aware of how toxic social media is so I try to avoid it, though I frequent this place.
The technocracy we find ourselves in is ever growing and evolving. I fear for the future of young and new generations. Kids in my daughter's class already have cell phones (2nd grade) - mine has cows and a four wheeler.
Nice pondering OP, that is indeed an interesting topic

 

[gamzultovah]

A very well written and introspective post. Excellent responses as well. I recently went back to NY, the place of my birth and adolescence, to see what memories could be stirred from childhood. While in Manhattan (the present), I had a great time and talked with many interesting people, but when I went back to Brooklyn (the past) I saw nothing but decay and met with rudeness at almost every turn. I got so depressed (dejected, really) that I cut the trip short and took the train back to Manhattan. The old saying “You can never go home” held true that day. While I had many good memories walking around my old neighborhood, the feeling of not being wanted (belonging) there was palpable. On the train ride into Brooklyn that morning, I brought along a book of poetry and as is my habit I randomly opened the book to start my reading, and this was the poem I came across:

The Old Familiar Faces
Charles Lamb

I have had playmates, I have had companions,
In my days of childhood, in my joyful school-days,
All, all are gone, the old familiar faces.

I have been laughing, I have been carousing,
Drinking late, sitting late, with my bosom cronies,
All, all are gone, the old familiar faces.

I loved a love once, fairest among women;
Closed are her doors on me, I must not see her —
All, all are gone, the old familiar faces.

I have a friend, a kinder friend has no man;
Like an ingrate, I left my friend abruptly;
Left him, to muse on the old familiar faces.

Ghost-like, I paced round the haunts of my childhood.
Earth seemed a desert I was bound to traverse,
Seeking to find the old familiar faces.

Friend of my bosom, thou more than a brother,
Why wert not thou born in my father's dwelling?
So might we talk of the old familiar faces —

How some they have died, and some they have left me,
And some are taken from me; all are departed;
All, all are gone, the old familiar faces.

I immediately put the book down and knew that the day was going to be less about joyful reminiscing than I had imagined. Once back in Manhattan though, I went directly to Keen’s Steakhouse and made a reservation for one for that evening. Everything snapped back into place once I was back in Manhattan and the world was once again aright. My dinner at Keen’s was splendid and any troubling thoughts of that morning quickly vanished. I firmly believe that King Solomon was correct when he said: “Do not say, “Why were the old days better than these?” For it is not wise to ask such questions.”
But more to the OP’s point, yes I did walk past my first crush’s house, her name was Barbara and she was the most lovely little Irish girl a boy could ever see. Lots of boys in our class had a crush in her. Then I walked past the apartment building of a much older girl than I who had a crush on me. Her name was Michelle. She was known in the neighborhood as a promiscuous girl and I remember when she asked me to come out onto the rooftop to keep her company while she sunbathed. It was the first time I had ever seen a girl san clothing; not something easily forgotten. I did not run into any familiar faces, though, which was just as well.
Thanks for this post, OP.

 

[hawky454]

This is pretty ironic, I think the world is full of asses just as much as the next person but to say you don’t need human interaction is pretty silly. I mean, why visit a forum?

 

[mso489]

Lately I've been reaching out to people who I haven't heard from lately, both close friends and acquaintances, to see if they want to be in touch.

I think the ease of online communities drains off some of the social energy of taking the time to interact in person, to spend time on the phone, or heaven forbid to write letters back and forth.

I think Facebook and similar formats have starved off many friendships with people not on that social media. People disappear into them and simply don't use other channels.

They aren't a member or they don't have stamps and envelopes, or they can't spare the phone time.

I recently went to a discussion group sponsored at my church but not particularly religious in emphasis, about 14 people including the moderator. My point here is that because I have not been especially social during Covid, to spend an hour with a group like that, with an interesting discussion but nothing earth shaking, was an actual buzz.

I spend some alone time every day. It's my recharging time. So it took me by surprise, since I am usually escaping social groups. We are, in part, social animals, unavoidably, even if we are loners.

 

[brian64]

This is pretty ironic, I think the world is full of asses just as much as the next person but to say you don’t need human interaction is pretty silly. I mean, why visit a forum?

I only posted the above clips in jest...but I will admit I can relate to a great degree to @Chasing Embers comments. I too tend to avoid most unnecessary and random interactions whenever possible when going about my business in every day life...but I'm never rude to people, I just have no desire to get into conversations in the grocery check-out line.

 

[Chasing Embers]

but to say you don’t need human interaction is pretty silly. I mean, why visit a forum?

It's no more human interaction than reading a book or playing a video game, it's just inflectionless text on a screen. I work a 7/12 shift with no more human contact than a list of tasks that need doing at the beginning of the shift, and leaving a completion/concerns report at the end of the day. My company only has an official first shift so I'm completely alone during the second shift that I work. All of my purchases are done online and all are done using pseudonyms. A knock at the door informs me that my groceries or medication have been delivered and I've yet to make face to face contact with those delivering them. A forum is a useful resource for information ie. brands, sales, legislation, techniques, etc. but doesn't carry much "physical weight". I've been doing less and less online interaction in the past few months on all of the forums I've participated in. Talking about smoking for me is like talking about breathing. It's long just been something I do without thinking and there's been a heavy decline in forum morale and civility over the past few years. I'm just not much of a social entity and prefer silence over idle chatter.

 

[puff_not_snuff]

What’s the name of the indie band? I’m just curious.

It was Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, you might remember one or two radio hits they had, or not...

A lot of insightful posts in this thread which I look forward to mulling over later.