Quirky Family Sayings; Edit: Caution Salty Language

[teufelhund]

6 year old me says, "Hey Dad, can you make me a sandwich?" To which my father says with some razzle dazzle, "Poof! You're a sandwich."

 

[pstlpkr]

When my Dad would stub his toe, mash a finger, or something painful along those lines he would say: "Son of a biscuit eater."

 

[kashmir]

Serenity now ... Serenity now ... Serenity now ...

 

[weezell]

"You look like Death eatin a cracker"...

 

[piperl12]

Ok been reading everyone else's so now I have to weight in based on mine not being quite as bad as I always thought it was. My dad usually at a moment I was on the wrong side of something or doing something that to him seemed back assward or akward to him would say "Jeesus boy, you look like a cub bear jerkin himself off with boxing gloves on!" I don't wanna know who coined the phrase originally but my wife didn't appreciate it near as much as I did when I first used it on our teenage boys. :rofl:

 

[wayneteipen]

When they were particularly hungry, my grandfather and father would say, "I'm so hungry my assholes chewing a hole in my underwear." It's one of my favorites but my wife doesn't appreciate it near as much as I do.

 

[jeffboyrd]

I've always liked: You can't make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

 

[jeffboyrd]

I hear this one from my boss every now and then :"It's hard to remember that your mission is to drain the swamp when you up to your ass in alligators"
A typical greeting from Bill, an old customer from when I used to tend bar at an Elk's lodge:

Me: Hey Bill, how are you

Bill: Fine as frog's hair

Me: You sure don't look it

Bill: Everyone like's a piece of ass, but nobody likes a smart-ass

 

[mctrav]

Every time as a kid I said it was cold out my dad would say " ever tell you about the time I was in Alaska with no shoes" and if I said I was hungry or thirsty he'd say he was Georgey (his name is George).

 

[erichbaumer]

My dad's a large animal vet, and his best phrase is probably "The ratio of horses to horse's asses in this world is not equal." Also, whenever my brother or I were hurt or sick, he'd offer to go get something out of the truck. And his parenting motto is "Boys will commit random acts of stupidity."

My mom and I are in the habit of telling my adopted brother that we do still have the receipt, and that he cost less than the car.

 

[appointed]

"If a frog had wings, he wouldn't bump his *** when he jumped" - my grandmother.

She says this often in reply when I say something along the lines of "If only I had..."