Pipe Collections, at Infinity, Are of Infinite Size

[saltedplug]

How many pipes in my pipe collection, and how many pipes is the maximum that it should hold? That's a badly formed idea, a maximum as regards my pipe collection. As pipes are infinitely precious, they should in fact be accumulated with the caprice of precious jewels. Did Elizabeth Taylor think about a maximum amount of diamonds, a ceiling on emeralds, a limit to her silver and gold? No, if Burton bought them for her, she was destined to have them, which was perfectly in accord with God's plan for women. Plus buying pipes is one of the most treasured practices in smoking pipes, closely resembling tobacco hoarding.
So when your wife casts suspicious eyes on your collection and question you about it, lie. Tell her anything, but at least spend some time considering how to lie so that you you have some time before she finds out. During the interval buy 5 times as many pipes as you normally would so that you can have them on hand, preceding the inevitable fight on being found out and while navigating the treacherous waters of rapprochement, when you can't risk being seen cruising the pipe sites, when thunder is sure to come down on your head if she catches you buying another pipe.
It's all about ebb and flow, when you can buy and when you must lie low. Never tell her that you're going to have an S. Bang seven day set delivered to the funeral parlor where you are to be waked, to be buried with you so that you can smoke along the way to eternity.
A collection is necessarily more than one, of anything, limited only by the collector's definition of size. The biggest secret about any pipe collection is that at infinity it has infinite size.

 

[mso489]

Spoken like a true Forums member. Every time I order a pipe, I fume and cry, "Enough!" But I never feel that way. My wife happily gifts me with pipes. I find a great bargain for Christmas and ask if she wants to give it to me as a gift, and she buys me that one and another that costs five times as much even on sale. I'm in the vortex. Pipes swirl around me in an endless maelstrom, and I like it.

 

[saltedplug]

mso wrote "I'm in the vortex. Pipes swirl around me in an endless maelstrom, and I like it."
Fine diction, I must say!

 

[elpfeife]

You gentlemen are not being helpful!

 

[pruss]

So when your wife casts suspicious eyes on your collection and question you about it, lie.

Profound? No. Profoundly stupid? Yes.
-- Pat

 

[warren]

Surely it was a stream of consciousness written with tongue in cheek.
My philosophy is that the pipe is a tool used for smoking tobacco. As such, they should be selected with infinite care. I do not include the esteemed cob in this musing, as I consider them akin to condoms, fireworks and ammunition, items to be used, enjoyed and the detritus discarded when no longer serviceable. I've, as yet, not had a meer or briar reach the unserviceable stage.

 

[fishnbanjo]

I learned long ago when my first obsession with firearms bega and as a hunter the secon obsession, knives of course. I then began gun repair and did well enough to offer stock refinishing and restorations, I also got my FFL to work on other peoples firearms, like mounting and bore sighting scopes, stoning trigger assemblies to fine tune them, especially handy for revolvers which vary tremendously on their pull. My modest collection grew past the gun cabinet to become all those guns. As time went on I saw the day that certain semiautomatic firearms may become harder to own and having never fired more than 2 shots at game I felt less reason to hang onto those and began selling them off.
Part of the monies generated became bamboo fly rods and of course fly reels and like the firearms they were replacing became all those fly rods/reels. Of course now we're into being a formidable pipester and am currently all those pipes, tampers, lighters and tobacco, yes I have a good life.

banjo

 

[Chasing Embers]

I tell my wife about every purchase because, 1-she has a near photographic memory, and 2-I don't want to die. ::

 

[pipesmokingtom]

I consider them akin to condoms, fireworks and ammunition, items to be used, enjoyed and the detritus discarded when no longer serviceable

My cob is not going to taste as good tonight, I just know it.

 

[warren]

Why? All three of those items can be fun in their place. I wouldn't be without my cob near at hand when out and about. I always make sure I have sufficient ammo. Condom? Now days they usually survive their "use by" date. I no longer blow up my money, it smolders in my pipe, but I do still enjoy watching the kids blowing off their fingers and stuff.
What about the guy that put a mortar on his head and torched it off? I do believe that is something one does only once!

 

[pipesmokingtom]

What about the guy that put a mortar on his head and torched it off? I do believe that is something one does only once!

True for that fella, at least.

 

[tuold]

My mail carrier tipped off my wife that someone in the house had a "problem" because packages where arriving three times a week at our address. If she only knew! Seriously, I was tempted to go out and meet her at the mailbox the next day and tell her to mind her own business. Just deliver the %$#*! pipes!