Marital advice on snus usage

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Lifer
Nov 26, 2018
10,186
41,406
RTP, NC. USA
Maybe it reminds her too much of chewing tobacco. Buy a big bag of chewing tobacco and carry a spitting cup around with you. Make sure to drool some of the tobacco juice down and around the chin. Day or two of that will have your wife order the snus by the truck load or show up with a divorce lawyer.
 

Briar Lee

Lifer
Sep 4, 2021
4,960
14,329
Humansville Missouri
1 Peter 3:3-4

3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.
All considered as advisory opinions not in “red letters” by a man who should have stayed in the boat and not tried to walk on the water, according to women of our faith.:)
 
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SBC

Lifer
Oct 6, 2021
1,612
7,602
NE Wisconsin
Since you've connected this to your Christianity, I'll answer on that level:
While "dwelling with your wife in an understanding way" (1 Pet. 3:7) is obligatory for a Christian man, so is self control (Prov. 25:28, Titus 2:11-12, etc.), which excludes the kind of controlling addiction you've described. With St. Paul, we should "refuse to be enslaved to anything" (1 Cor. 6:12).
Your wife is correct to see a problem with addiction, regardless of relative health concerns. Thank God for a wise wife.
 

sablebrush52

The Bard Of Barlings
Jun 15, 2013
20,686
48,848
Southern Oregon
jrs457.wixsite.com
I have been continuing to use it in secret when I am working from home, in the office, or doing homework in private in our office but refrain from mentioning it or using it when she is around (not sure if she even knows I have any tins in the house). There is no beating around the bush and I will openly admit it: I am totally addicted. What would be your advice? Do I continue to use it and just don't mention to her or should I respect her wishes and go cold turkey? Half of me wants to do the latter but the other half enjoys snus more than the pipe and cigar and would gladly give up the two to continue snus usage as it gives me so much joy. Thanks in advance for the responses.
What do you love more? Your addiction or your marriage? Skip all of the rationalizing, "liberty", religion, and whatever other bullshit you can come up with to obfuscate, all of it, and get real about this question. Because right now you're lying in your marriage which is the best way to kill it.
 

beezer

Part of the Furniture Now
Jul 12, 2013
618
745
Hopefully snus discussion is allowed on these forums. Both my FIL and a Swede friend of mine have got me totally hooked on snus. I'm absolutely obssessed with it, almost moreso than my pipe. However, my wife is not a fan of it (and that is putting it lightly). She is fine with me smoking a pipe and cigars on a regular basis (or at least doesn't make a big deal about it) but when it comes to addictive direct nicotine substances like snus, she is against it with a passion. We actually had an explosive argument about it two weekends ago. I told her I wouldn't use it anymore since she was so opposed to it and while that was true for several days, I once again found myself buying another tin. As it seems to me, her main objection is that she doesn't like the thought of me being hooked on an addictive substance (ironic, I know). As you might be able to tell, I am a young guy and have been married for around three years so would appreciate your sagely advices. I have been continuing to use it in secret when I am working from home, in the office, or doing homework in private in our office but refrain from mentioning it or using it when she is around (not sure if she even knows I have any tins in the house). There is no beating around the bush and I will openly admit it: I am totally addicted. What would be your advice? Do I continue to use it and just don't mention to her or should I respect her wishes and go cold turkey? Half of me wants to do the latter but the other half enjoys snus more than the pipe and cigar and would gladly give up the two to continue snus usage as it gives me so much joy. Thanks in advance for the responses.

I can relate to some of what you've wrote. I have a highly addictive personality and for years it was my alcohol usage that concerned my wife and after quitting that it was my pipes and cigars. For the past 18 months I have been full blown hooked on Zyn pouches (first 3mg and now 6mg) and haven't touched my P&Cs. I think because of the discreetness (and I'm very discreet) my wife doesn't give me any crap (perhaps she would if she knew how many pouches I blow through a day). However, I realize I need to scale it back a bit and have been fighting that battle quietly. I find this particular nicotine delivery system (Zyn) to be a blessing and a curse. The convenience, discretion, relative affordability, and the ability to toss a pouch in literally anytime/anyplace has made it an extremely difficult addiction to tame for me.

At the end of the day if your only vice is Snus then I'd say try and reach a compromise with your wife. Do some research and show her the benefits nicotine has (in moderation) and how it might be a healthier alternative to smoking tobacco, etc. If she still doesn't meet you in the middle then I would consider cutting it out of your lifestyle entirely, but this to me would need to be done gradually and not cold turkey (i.e. "wife, you're right and I'll taper off over the next 20 years and quit by our 25th anniversary.)

Good luck my friend.
 

blackpowderpiper

Part of the Furniture Now
Dec 19, 2018
831
3,865
Middle Tennessee
You may not want to hear this but pick the one you want to keep. Snus or being married to your wife. It sounds like you're starting down a slippery slope. Hiding things from your wife never works, they always find out. As someone else mentioned, soliciting advice from strangers on the internet is probably not going to help your marriage. No matter how irrational you may think things are, do you respect and love your wife enough to make this sacrifice for her? If not, go ahead and get your divorce attorney retained. You'll be needing them soon.
 

anotherbob

Lifer
Mar 30, 2019
16,646
31,197
46
In the semi-rural NorthEastern USA
better avoid coffee. I suggest finding medical studies about snus and that kind of thing. Won't change that it's addictive but might help. Though honest is really the only way to go, you'll get caught eventually.
Also I don't know what history she has with addictions and dealing with people with them but I'd wager there is something there.
Though me I'd insist on not being married to someone that thinks they can dictate what I do to myself. They can have an opinion but if they can't return the courtesy I show in letting them live their life. So take that as you will.
 
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