Luck to Have Tobacco-Tolerant Spouse?
- Thread starter 12pups
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Brian --
After my first marriage, a long, weary endurance contest, which I finally failed, I was a bachelor for a nice, long time, learning to be quite the independent fella and wary of relationships. I never wanted to go through that again.
I feel for everyone who is without the kind of partner I was blessed with now. It's hard to celebrate out loud about my current wife without "rubbing it in" to those who are "without" someone like this.
And not everyone *wants* to have a partner. Heck, I didn't think *I* did.
I hope I haven't poked anyone's wounds out there. I just wanted to see people in good relationships raising their hands and testifying that it works, that it's surprising when it works, and between people like that, if one of them doesn't like smoking... how does it work out?
Pipesmoking isn't all adversarial! When there isn't mutual indulgence, there are at least workarounds! -- So let's bring them out. How do couples "work around" pipesmoking when one doesn't like it? Doesn't have to tarnish the marriage, right?
After my first marriage, a long, weary endurance contest, which I finally failed, I was a bachelor for a nice, long time, learning to be quite the independent fella and wary of relationships. I never wanted to go through that again.
I feel for everyone who is without the kind of partner I was blessed with now. It's hard to celebrate out loud about my current wife without "rubbing it in" to those who are "without" someone like this.
And not everyone *wants* to have a partner. Heck, I didn't think *I* did.
I hope I haven't poked anyone's wounds out there. I just wanted to see people in good relationships raising their hands and testifying that it works, that it's surprising when it works, and between people like that, if one of them doesn't like smoking... how does it work out?
Pipesmoking isn't all adversarial! When there isn't mutual indulgence, there are at least workarounds! -- So let's bring them out. How do couples "work around" pipesmoking when one doesn't like it? Doesn't have to tarnish the marriage, right?
Great words of wisdom, 12pups ! I too am fortunate to have found my soul mate and would quit, if asked but I'm lucky that she enjoys the pipe aroma and even some cigars. But relationship is far better than even a good bowl of tobacco. 
God bless you and may He continue to use you for His wishes. Great testimony for marriage.
God bless you and may He continue to use you for His wishes. Great testimony for marriage.
Pups, no wounds poked nor offence taken. I took this post, I believe, in the spirit you intended which was to be a man means to compromise and consider your partner in life. I wish my wife were able to enjoy my love of the pipe, I think she would have very much approved. So no need to qualify your post, I enjoyed it immensely and just raised my pipe in your and your spouse's honour. Enjoy her.
And to rest of the brothers and sisters, I K of its cliché, but you never know when life will throw you a curve. Enjoy every moment so you have no regrets in the end.
And to rest of the brothers and sisters, I K of its cliché, but you never know when life will throw you a curve. Enjoy every moment so you have no regrets in the end.
Over here it is planning, not luck. We do have a rule in this house though. No smoking in the upstairs, which is bedrooms.
A great post. I'm fortunate that my wife tolerates my pipe (and cigar) smoking. No, I don't smoke in the house. I've never been told not to, but all the same, somehow, I understand that I shouldn't. We really don't want the house to smell like tobacco. I understand. I get it. So, the porch and the back deck are OK and in cold weather I have to grin and bear it. The thing is, it does not need to become a pissing contest: you or my pipe is a bad way to go. She will sit with me by the fire on the back deck, or on the porch, when I have a pipe. My compromise is that I will usually smoke an aromatic when she is on the porch with me. They aren't my favorites, but more and more I don't mind them and I'm happy to share a glass of wine on the porch with my wife -- an aromatic in the pipe is the least I can do. By the fire, anything goes because the fire on the back deck pretty much overwhelms anything.
At the end of the day, I'm lucky to have, and happy to have, a wife who gives me no grief about smoking a pipe and about spending $100 or more a month on pipe tobacco. She's more than I deserve. I think it works, for us, because she has her own life and career and I have mine. We are together because we want to be, not because one of us needs to be.
At the end of the day, I'm lucky to have, and happy to have, a wife who gives me no grief about smoking a pipe and about spending $100 or more a month on pipe tobacco. She's more than I deserve. I think it works, for us, because she has her own life and career and I have mine. We are together because we want to be, not because one of us needs to be.
You know, when I think about it, I am very lucky and grateful for my girlfriend. I'm 19, and she is 17. We have a lot of rough points ahead of us, with me going to medic school and her going off to college. But we have been dating for almost 4 years now. And I don't see anything changing. She doesn't mind when I smoke, but it cannot be Latakia. It makes her sick! Lol so I smoke that when I am by myself, which sadly will be more often come this fall. But as of now, she gives me everything in looking for in a partner, is tolerant of my many hobbies and 65+ hour/week work schedule, which is all I can ask for. She's good to me, and I try to be the best I can for her. And in a relationship, at the very least, that's what each partner deserves. If you can't put your heart into something 100%, then you don't have much of a reason to try in the first place. 12pups, it seems that so many people are so hardheaded about letting the relationship equal out in power and it's refreshing to see that you have that point of view. A wife/fiancé/girlfriend (or husband/boyfriend) should be the most important person in your life. If they aren't, then maybe they are in your life for the wrong reasons.
youngsterpuffer:
See Wilson above you. He nails it when he writes
I didn't *have* to marry my wife. I married her because I wanted to. I voluntarily passed on my bachelor independence, which I was totally happy with, and believed that I would finish out my life as a bachelor. I eagerly took up the adventure of becoming "one" with someone else. A new identity, legally, spiritually. It's so satisfying that to be self-centered just isn't that tempting.
Raise your glass high for all those spouses who, not into it themselves, are "big" enough to allow their pipe-smoking spouse so much latitude. If your spouse says, "I don't get it, myself: but he/she must, and whatever makes them happy makes *me* happy."
That there is a GREAT spouse, one others should envy you for.
See Wilson above you. He nails it when he writes
Very much reminds me of Stephen Covey, who wrote that first we must be independent before we can commit to becoming "inter-dependent."
I didn't *have* to marry my wife. I married her because I wanted to. I voluntarily passed on my bachelor independence, which I was totally happy with, and believed that I would finish out my life as a bachelor. I eagerly took up the adventure of becoming "one" with someone else. A new identity, legally, spiritually. It's so satisfying that to be self-centered just isn't that tempting.
Raise your glass high for all those spouses who, not into it themselves, are "big" enough to allow their pipe-smoking spouse so much latitude. If your spouse says, "I don't get it, myself: but he/she must, and whatever makes them happy makes *me* happy."
That there is a GREAT spouse, one others should envy you for.
My wife saved my life, literally and figuratively. We have been together 25 years and had the full range of experiences shared by most lasting marriages. As said above by a number of others, she tolerates my pipe and I do my best not to abuse that tolerance. She walks beside me every day - I want and need nothing more. If she asked me to stop, there'd be a job lot of pipes and tobacco on here - proceeds to charity - within the hour.
Andy
Andy
Someone once said, "Genius is the ability to make the complex, simple."
I totally reject that. To me, that's not genius: it's nuclear war.
I change it to, "Ability to recognize what is simple so fast, it makes the rest of us look stupid. To avoid calling ourselves stupid, we call that other guy a genius. Genius is also the ability to recognize what is too complex for easy explanations, and then back the hell away, admitting "That there's too f'ing complex for words."
That's the only "genius" I recognize talking about our marriages. And definitely it does not apply to marriages. But I think it is safe to say these three things:
1. A smoker who proclaims he would end a marriage rather than give up the pipe is an unworthy spouse.
2. But there's also something wrong with a spouse who would put the marriage in jeopardy by making authoritarian demands on a pipe smoker.
3. The more attractive marriages talked about in our forums only reveal what we knew already anyway: they're based on mutual respect, genuine appreciation, and a passionate commitment to be a contributor to each other's happiness and well being.
I totally reject that. To me, that's not genius: it's nuclear war.
I change it to, "Ability to recognize what is simple so fast, it makes the rest of us look stupid. To avoid calling ourselves stupid, we call that other guy a genius. Genius is also the ability to recognize what is too complex for easy explanations, and then back the hell away, admitting "That there's too f'ing complex for words."
That's the only "genius" I recognize talking about our marriages. And definitely it does not apply to marriages. But I think it is safe to say these three things:
1. A smoker who proclaims he would end a marriage rather than give up the pipe is an unworthy spouse.
2. But there's also something wrong with a spouse who would put the marriage in jeopardy by making authoritarian demands on a pipe smoker.
3. The more attractive marriages talked about in our forums only reveal what we knew already anyway: they're based on mutual respect, genuine appreciation, and a passionate commitment to be a contributor to each other's happiness and well being.
'Tis nice that many of us who have partners in life who love men and the smell of men... which, admittedly, isn't always all that pleasant. ;-)
My fiance is a cigarette smoker, and doesn't mind the smell of my pipe on me. In fact she prefers it to my dip habit, as there are no bottles full of tobacco juice to knock over on the carpet. I have been exiled to the porch while smoking English blends though, as my upstairs neighbor tends to stomp on the floor and cuss whenever there's a hint of smoke in the apartment. Even wood smoke from over enthusiastic sanding with a dremel.
Great post 12pups!
I consider myself a very lucky man to have such a great wife! She's a great woman in many ways, including her support of my hobbies.
She routinely buys pipes and tobacco for me on special occasions, and she never gripes at me for buying pipes or large amounts of tobacco.
Yes, lucky I am!
I consider myself a very lucky man to have such a great wife! She's a great woman in many ways, including her support of my hobbies.
She routinely buys pipes and tobacco for me on special occasions, and she never gripes at me for buying pipes or large amounts of tobacco.
Yes, lucky I am!
Great post. I'm quite lucky as well. My girlfriend just bought me four nice ceramic raku pipe rests. One for her kitchen, bathroom, living room, and her bedside table, everywhere I would set my pipe down to do something. She said that she was afraid her cats would knock my expensive pipes into the floor. This from a woman who used to snarl with disgust at just showing someone on TV smoking a cigarette. Yep, I'm a lucky one.
But, of course I've tried to include her in my hobby from the start. I bring her sometimes to the Briary to sniff test blends, and to help me "try on" new pipes. Of course, she doesn't want to go with me every time, but when she comes with me, it's always fun. And, she totally understands why I don't smoke aromatics and has become quite the connoisseur of Virginia and VaPer room notes.
Ugg, in fact, I should probably take her out for dinner and dancing tonight. Thanks for the reminder, Pups.
But, of course I've tried to include her in my hobby from the start. I bring her sometimes to the Briary to sniff test blends, and to help me "try on" new pipes. Of course, she doesn't want to go with me every time, but when she comes with me, it's always fun. And, she totally understands why I don't smoke aromatics and has become quite the connoisseur of Virginia and VaPer room notes.
Ugg, in fact, I should probably take her out for dinner and dancing tonight. Thanks for the reminder, Pups.
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