How Would You Respond To This?

[thesmokingtexan]

I think you need to be careful that you not being judgmental. You should go over there hang out and not worry about how they live their lives. If their company brings you joy and happiness and the bond of friendship is strong and true then keep hanging out with them. If that is not true and every time you go over there you wonder why the hell do I keep coming back and subject myself to these a-holes then move on. Just make sure that you are not going to throw away good friends just because you have chosen to live your life in a different way. Also make sure your girl isn’t pushing some of this doubt into your mind. When I was your age I had a girl keep tell me how much better I am than my friends and how immature and stupid my friends were and how I could do better. Well she was really just jealous cause I had guy weekends and hung out with the guys and not her. I am now married to that women and still have two die hard friends from that group that I would do anything for and they would do anything for me and a whole hell of a lot of good stories. They may still not live their lives like I would but it aint none of my business I don’t judge I just accept them for who they are.

On a side note, DUDE YOUR ONLY 20. Go have some fun and stop worrying about getting married. Loosen up man. Soon enough you’ll be married with kids and be chained down at the house by those wonderful hell raising gifts from god. Go have some adventures while you still can but don’t DUI it aint worth it. I almost chopped my head off and have the scar around my neck to proof it. I flipped my truck end over end when I was your age because I passed out at the wheel drunk. (That being said maybe you should ignore everything I just said and listen to the more sane people)

Also let the joke go. It isn’t that big of a deal. Maybe in poor taste but not really that big of a deal.

 

[unadoptedlamp]

Pipenscotch- Since you asked for it, and it seemed like a genuine request, here it is: Yes, you are being unreasonable and dramatic.
Unless they're snorting coke off of a hooker's ass at three in the morning on a Wednesday, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. And even so, if you harshly judge a friend for snorting coke off of a hooker's ass at three in the morning (assuming it's not a bad habit of theirs that is also ruining your life in the process), then you might not end up with very many long term friends. Or you may end up with an incredibly tiresome bunch of people who want to spend their time talking about investments, politics and the state of religion at stuffy dinner parties. If that's your bag, then chuck your friends out. They are definitely going to get in the way.
You may be in a rush to stiffen up and march into those dinner parties to solemnly nod and say things like "mmhmmm", and "yes, yes, of course", but later on, I think you may be missing out on some truly great moments with friends who might push your boundaries and comfort levels a bit. Guess what? That's where the growth is! People do loads of stupid shit when they're young, and many of them level out and become great people. So far, you haven't said anything that suggests your friends are doing horrible things. They're just not very funny. You seem to know where your limits are and how to think for yourself, so what's the worst thing that can happen?
You said they were a great bunch of guys. If you're not lying to yourself about that, then maybe it's good to embrace that aspect of your friendship and try to be a little more forgiving with some of their other qualities. None of us are perfect, and the ones who are pretending or trying to be are very, very boring people. The eddies of life collect them together so that they end up swirling around in circles, keeping their bad funk from rubbing off on the rest of us. They go to... dinner parties. (Picture Bill Murray saying that last line, go ahead and do it. Do you see now?)
For the record, I just shrugged at my friend who was snorting coke off of a hooker's ass at three in the morning. I can't imagine all of the loss if I had decided that he was so far out of line that we couldn't be friends and enjoy other aspects of life. Luckily, he's got a wide range of interests, most of which aren't illegal, and he's one of the most interesting and talented people I've ever known. You want to know the really interesting part? That guy literally wound up saving my life, and that's no figure of speech. I simply wouldn't be here.
Learning to forgive and roll along with things lets you experience so much more in life. As long as you know who you are and what you will and won't do, then maybe it's good to roll along with things until your comfort level explodes and you need to go home. It'll be worth it, trust me. Acting like an authoritarian judge of character and people (you don't seem to be there yet), that's death. They never seem to be interesting or know interesting people. Of course, I could have it all wrong. It may not work out quite the same for you.
Good luck.

 

[phred]

Do you think I'm being unreasonable and a little over dramatic?

Not in the least. People find different things funny. These guys obviously think they're hilarious - and you don't. No big deal - some people love Adam Sandler movies, others prefer Monty Python. Or "Jackass".
Move on. You don't have to make a production number out of it - just find other things to do, other people to be with whose sense of humor more closely matches your own, and if any of them are aware enough to ask why, just tell them as much of the truth as you think they can handle without necessarily making it about them.
And don't worry overmuch about settling down with someone at 20-something - my wife and I met in college at 19 and 21 respectively, and we're still together (legally married for almost 25 of the years since that happened...). Sometimes you grow apart from others, and other times you figure out how to grow together. :D

 

[thesmokingtexan]

It's ok to snort coke off a hookers ass just don't chopped the coke up with razor on the hookers ass. It never turns out good.

 

[kibo]

There's no accounting for friends, even the most mature can pull a total 'asshole card' and even the most immature can turn out to be the truest solid gold friend possible...If they habitually pull asshole cards, well, maybe it's time to branch out and maybe not cut ties but at least build a buffer. I'm 30, just got there July 2nd, and nnot one of my old "crew" said a word...folks I spent half my life running with. My case changed when I had a brain injury that permanently altered me and I had a son, priorities change and a good friend will grow and adapt or at least understand...those who don't will just fall away. For now, for what it is worth, enjoy the ride and the company, if they don't judge your choices or turn up their nose at your mature decision, I'd allow them the same courtesy for their youthful indulgences. Not long ago, I was the guy bagging random chicks, drink everyone under the table (just a high tolerance though), and my friends back then knew me as that... but they didn't adapt to family-man Kibo, and that's fine, I suppose. That's my story and if there's anything you get from it, then I'm glad to help...If not, well, sorry for the ramble.

 

[ravkesef]

So you can call me a stick in the mud if you want to, or a wise old man if you wish. Here's a little bit of history: you never know where you're going to want to go in 10 or 20 years or so. Things that seem very far off right now may be your dream in the future. My youngest son is currently attending one of the country's top law schools. He's in the top 5% of his class, made Law Review, etc. etc. When he was a teen, he did some stupid things. No convictions, just some things that got him in trouble with the police. At a counseling session I attended with him with one of the juvenile officers, we were told that everything would be buried, It would never surface again if he kept his record clean. The only exception would be if he wanted a position with the federal government. Otherwise it would be buried and stay buried, provided he kept his nose clean. He took the lesson seriously, kept his nose clean,, Graduated magna cum lauded from college, and went to this top law school. Not where he thought he would be a dozen or so years ago. He will very likely get a good job. He told me however that one of the things he might wish to consider is working within the federal system as an attorney. However, the very foolish and immature things he did as a teen would then be looked into, because while those records are sealed from everyone else, they are not sealed from the Feds. As I said, he will have a very successful career as an attorney, but one corner of the legal world is forever close to him--whether he wants to go there or not. Please – take that lesson to heart.

 

[winton]

Pipeinscotch, I have been teaching from the Proverbs in the Bible for about a year at church. Here is one of the many verses in this wisdom literature that applies to what you are describing:
Proverbs 15:20 He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.
It sounds like you have already made your decision. Your girlfriend probably will appreciate your wisdom.
Winton

 

[Perique]

I've been growing tired of their company. I'm staring to feel like a fish out of water when I hang out with them.

Sounds like you already know the answer.
Winton's bible verse is apt here. But I'll give you some even simpler down-home farm wisdom: Birds of a feather flock together. Age old saying, and as true as the day is long. Another truth is that you will be impacted, and to some degree judged (rightly or wrongly) by the company you keep.
It's a very personal thing, your question, and it would be unfair for anyone to give very specific advice only knowing what you've written in a post. However, generally good advice would include the fact that if you want to be positive, successful, happy -- surround yourself with people who mirror the behaviors that achieve the desired outcome: people who are positive, successful, and happy (or at least working towards that direction). If you want to be a jackass, surround yourself with people who play grabass. There are certainly many shades of gray in between those two extremes - but the point is to choose to surround yourself with people who mirror your values.

 

[natenice1]

+1 Perique I was raised by my grandmother born in 1916 she instilled this in my head "Nathan you are judged by the company you keep." I had that happen to me once out drinking with the guys had quite a buzz on and they let me drive home, they stayed two hours Later I get a call someone can't drive home can you come? In PJ's and a robe I walk into the bar looking like Niles Crane still buzzed and I am the laughing stock of the bar. The point is I was buzzed and theirs wore off they were fine but they had no consideration of me driving drunk. With friends like that you don't need enemies! Take the lady out for a nice dinner and you both enjoy an apertif together at home. ::

 

[gregprince]

Great advice here, I don't have anything to add except to observe. You and your friends are at about the age when most young men choose to either become "drinkers" or adults who sometimes drink. You can have good friends in both worlds but you can't live in both.

 

[peckinpahhombre]

There sure are a lot of judgmental tight asses here. No one said these guys were doing anything illegal. They are 20 year olds having some fun, as 20 year olds are prone to do. Chill and keep your friends. Most, if not all, of these guys will grow out of this phase.

 

[andystewart]

Again, lots of great advice above, especially about 'growing up' too soon. My tuppence worth. I'm 50 in 9 days; for the first time in my life I've found myself really thinking about things that matter. I've done some insane things in my life and seen my friends do stuff that even I baulked at. The thing is, I have spent most of my life dedicated to sport and work. Unlike my wife, who has maintained her childhood group of friends, I now have no-one I can call a long-term friend. They drifted away as I focussed on what I thought mattered. I confess I'm sometimes lonely and often regret lost friendships.
I don't know you or your friends or the detail of your relationships, but I would urge you to think before you act. Although this seems a prank that required thought and preparation, was it malicious? Did any one or more of your friends mean to hurt or offend you, or were they just thoughtless and caught up in the act? Perhaps think about those things before you make any decisions on next steps.
As for people judging you - my experience is that that consideration is over-rated, except by those who like to do the judging.
Andy

 

[michiganlover]

I think this so called "prank" was acted out on you precisely because you are the mature person of the group, who is growing up and doesn't really belong anymore. They know you don't fit in. They also don't respect your morals or choice of lifestyle.
You can move on, and find new friends. Or continue to be brought down by a group that has little respect for you.
As for the advice to not grow up too quickly, remember that not that long ago it was considered normal to be married and holding a job supporting your family in your 20s. Only recently has it become acceptable to be irresponsible, and wild and crazy through your mid 20s. Behavior that does nothing to prepare you to be a responsible adult.
Know what you want and pursue those goals. If you want to be settled down, no reason you can't be.

 

[plateauguy]

Being an adult isn't easy, and it entails making your own decisions after you've processed the advice you asked for.
Personally, I don't think that the guys thought past "won't this be funny" - immature, but not a crime. Talk to them when they're sober - my bet is they'll be surprised at your reaction to their joke. Don't get mad, give them and you some space to consider your friendship. The sad fact is, sometimes we outgrow our childhood friends.

 

[peckinpahhombre]

Some of you guys should shove some coal up your ass and wait a couple of weeks for the diamonds to form.
Holy moly, if this is the worst prank you have ever been the victim of then you should thank the angels.

 

[andystewart]

+ 1 Peck!
Andy

 

[wayneteipen]

Pipenscotch- Since you asked for it, and it seemed like a genuine request, here it is: Yes, you are being unreasonable and dramatic.
Unless they're snorting coke off of a hooker's ass at three in the morning on a Wednesday, it doesn't seem like such a big deal. And even so, if you harshly judge a friend for snorting coke off of a hooker's ass at three in the morning (assuming it's not a bad habit of theirs that is also ruining your life in the process), then you might not end up with very many long term friends. Or you may end up with an incredibly tiresome bunch of people who want to spend their time talking about investments, politics and the state of religion at stuffy dinner parties. If that's your bag, then chuck your friends out. They are definitely going to get in the way.
You may be in a rush to stiffen up and march into those dinner parties to solemnly nod and say things like "mmhmmm", and "yes, yes, of course", but later on, I think you may be missing out on some truly great moments with friends who might push your boundaries and comfort levels a bit. Guess what? That's where the growth is! People do loads of stupid shit when they're young, and many of them level out and become great people. So far, you haven't said anything that suggests your friends are doing horrible things. They're just not very funny. You seem to know where your limits are and how to think for yourself, so what's the worst thing that can happen?
You said they were a great bunch of guys. If you're not lying to yourself about that, then maybe it's good to embrace that aspect of your friendship and try to be a little more forgiving with some of their other qualities. None of us are perfect, and the ones who are pretending or trying to be are very, very boring people. The eddies of life collect them together so that they end up swirling around in circles, keeping their bad funk from rubbing off on the rest of us. They go to... dinner parties. (Picture Bill Murray saying that last line, go ahead and do it. Do you see now?)
For the record, I just shrugged at my friend who was snorting coke off of a hooker's ass at three in the morning. I can't imagine all of the loss if I had decided that he was so far out of line that we couldn't be friends and enjoy other aspects of life. Luckily, he's got a wide range of interests, most of which aren't illegal, and he's one of the most interesting and talented people I've ever known. You want to know the really interesting part? That guy literally wound up saving my life, and that's no figure of speech. I simply wouldn't be here.
Learning to forgive and roll along with things lets you experience so much more in life. As long as you know who you are and what you will and won't do, then maybe it's good to roll along with things until your comfort level explodes and you need to go home. It'll be worth it, trust me. Acting like an authoritarian judge of character and people (you don't seem to be there yet), that's death. They never seem to be interesting or know interesting people. Of course, I could have it all wrong. It may not work out quite the same for you.
Good luck.

I'm with adoptedlamp and Peck on this one. One advantage to being the one that doesn't get passed out drunk is that you can exact your revenge with permanent marker and lipstick. Heck, in my younger days I was known to shave an eyebrow or two. The hallmark of a really good friend is loyalty and unconditional love. That's not to say you should go down with the ship if it should start to sink but everyone grows up at different paces. Heck, one of my best friends when I was younger is in his 40's and still hasn't grown up and in some ways I envy him. I think you need to "Lighten up Francis!" :wink: