How do get a non-smoker to understand?

[tokerpipes]

Help! Just had a big fight with the wife about me smoking. I go outside I wash when I come in or play with the kids. All she says is pick a different hobby that isn't going to kill you. I told her I switched from cigarettes for that reason. She just doesn't understand that this is how I keep mellow. She has seen me when I tried to quit the death sticks cold turkey, I nearly bit her head off due to the nic fit. :crying:

 

[nsfisher]

dont know what to tell u mate, and all the advice others here may give u is no good either. Its obviously a major factor to ur wife. I can tell u i smoked for 33 yrs, been married 25 and my wife dont smoke. but that aint gonna help u one little bit. My best advice, the both of u need to go to counseling to somehow work this out. It affects her enough to cause distress in ur marriage so u either cave in to her wishes or get professional help to save ur marriage.

 

[olderthandirt]

By all means, find a compromise.

Compromise does not need be a bad thing, submission on the other hand....

 

[ace57]

. All she says is pick a different hobby that isn't going to kill you.

Skydiving

Bull riding

Car racing

Kick boxing

Deep sea diving

Or You can be safe and smoke a pipe. :rofl:

 

[olderthandirt]

Ah, but there is wisdom there Ace (-:

 

[jchaplick]

Yeah this is a hard one, my girl doesnt like it that I smoke either. I am not planning on stopping anytime soon, I only smoke my pipe, and only maybe 7 or 8 times a week, but I like it and she knows that so she deals with it

 

[sherlock]

This is always a hard thing. I think that there is a compromise you can make, but you will probably never convert her. My wife has accepted my pipe smoking, but she still doesn't like it and she will never understand it, like many things that I do. I would tell her how important it is to you and ask her to respect that. However, and I hate to tell anyone this, if it becomes a huge issue I would quite. I love smoking a pipe, but I love my wife more and wouldn't trade her or my family for it. Good luck.

 

[gwynclan]

Choose your battles wisely. If the ritual of pipe smoking becomes a hassle in stead of a pleasure then just think twice to see if that's the battle worth fighting.
Long and short of it is you and your spouse need to meet on common ground.

Someone else mentioned

counseling. Going to counseling is not a end all cure but simply a way for each partner to express their views in a "safe from ridicule environment"

 

[theotherspace]

It's not really a case of making her understand. It is a potentially dangerous hobby, and her concern comes from love and fear of loosing you. You need to sit down and explain your reasons. It sounds like you use nicotine as a coping mechanism, to reduce stress so there is benefit there. I smoke but don't drink alcohol. My other half drinks but doesn't smoke. The balance we have is I won't talk about the risks alcohol present if they don't talk about the risk of smoking!
She may never be happy about you smoking but she can learn to accept it! The only way she will get close to acceptance is a long talk, avoid getting emotional and don't let it become an argument. Remember her objection is out of love for you.

 

[lonestar]

I'd challenge her to an arm wrestling match.

Winner decides who smokes or doesn't.

Seriously though, the studies are in your favor. Pipe smokers live LONGER than non smokers. I'm sure someone here has links to the research.

 

[lordofthepiperings]

Tough situation. Definately couldn't hurt to bring in an unbiased third party, aka a therapist. I'm sure Kevin has a link to the Surgeon Generals report that mentions pipe smokers living longer on average than non pipe smokers. Hang in there and try and work it out the best you can.

 

[zanthal]

Yeah, my suggestion like lonestar said, is to have her read some of the reports about pipe smoking compared to other tobacco use.
Now not smoking around the kids, I can understand that.
But making you wash before you touch them, that's just silly and she's missing the reality of the situation.

 

[batdemon]

No easy answer to this one. Counseling may help but it may not. Most likely all the statistics in the world won't change her mind. I don't know your situation as far as how often you smoke and when, etc. You may be able to compromise with her about the amount you smoke or having a "smoking time" or something to that effect. As theotherspace said, remember that her concern comes from love and not wanting to lose you, and you are fortunate to have someone who cares so deeply. I will keep my fingers crossed for you that things will work out for the best.

 

[tokerpipes]

As I was a pack a day nail smoker I go through about 2 ounces a week giv or take. So the cost is not an issue. Hell she didn't realize I spent $200+ a month on nails.
She did say she would lay off if she got a girls night out every other week, but I donth think its going to work out the way I hope for. Well let's see how the next month goes. Lonestar haven't forgot about the pipe I just baught hpe she doesn't get crazy when she finds out.

 

[baronsamedi]

I really don't know your relationship, but perhaps doing something for her that she enjoys will help her understand and be more sensitive to your needs. Sometimes it isn't even about whatever they are blowing up about. Sometimes it just means they need to feel wanted.
The '64 Surgeon General's report is a good idea, but citing statistics never helped me much with woman trouble.

 

[pawpaw]

did ya smoke before ya met her?

 

[tokerpipes]

Religiously a pack a day. I smoked a pipe before that but switched for the convinience. She has calmed down found out the 28th day was yesterday. That explains things a bit.
Guy response feed the woman drinks and wait it out. Crossing fingers ::