Seadog - you are not alone, and you're right to not lock down and keep everything to yourself.
I divorced a year and a half ago. My ex wife and I grew up together, went to high school together, she stayed with me during my military years, and we loved each other. I worked multiple jobs and went to college. When I wasn't around, she amused herself with adultery enough times for me to finally throw in the towel. I did everything I could to salvage that relationship. The final straw was finding her with a long time friend that I invited to stay with us when he was evicted from his family's home after coming out of the closest as a transgender individual (the family were Irish Catholic from Ireland, which can put American Catholicism to shame regarding discrimination.) I didn't care about the transgender stuff, but the fact that she took advantage of a situation like that for her own ends.
Divorce pain is worse than physical pain, but you will survive it. Try to keep things non aggressive if at all possible. We drew up our own divorce papers, specific down to every little thing in a 50/50 fashion, and it was approved by the Judge with no problem. Not a penny spent on lawyers. A lady at the courthouse actually was kind enough to give me the documents with blank spaces in them, and supervised my editing of the raw documents. Sometimes all you need to do is ask for a bit of help in life when you need it.
There are many good things that can come from divorce too. I learned who my true friends were, and the ones that definitely were not true friends. There was a bunch in the middle that I realized basically meant nothing, and so I quit wasting my time on empty friendships too.
Freedom to *rediscover who you are as a single entity* is a beautiful thing. It's a valuable time to reflect upon who you are, and consider how you might go about improving yourself in the future - not because anything is wrong with you, but because you can do so now entirely as you see fit. I used this transitional period to re-evaluate everything about myself. As a result, I am a much stronger person now. I've also doubled my income entirely as a byproduct of having a healthier state of mind and healthier state of being. I've got a great girlfriend now, when at the time I didn't know if I would ever even want another relationship again :
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You will also likely gain, eventually, a new understanding that our time on Earth is limited. Your time and your efforts are more precious than you realize. You'll begin to find good ways to utilize that knowledge in whatever way is best for you, coming from a clean perspective.
One piece of advice - if you could possibly benefit from professional help from a therapist or psychologist, and you can find a way to make it happen, I would recommend it. If I am honest, I needed the help at the time, but I was too damn stubborn and stupid to go get it. It probably would have been very helpful. No man is unbreakable and no man can survive as an island. Lean on us, but despite the very best of wishes, I reckon most of us lack real credentials that may prove useful to you.
It is the hardships in life that make us who we are. You can allow them to torment you, or you can use them as catalyst tool for growth. I guess I did the former and followed it with the latter. In any case, I am a much healthier, happier, and better person after divorce - and I hope that you will be too.
