Grrrr, my wife found my PAD, TAD stash.
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If I found out Shaun had a secret bank account for anything, the earth would tremble and brimstone would pour from the heavens. I would much prefer he got cash out of the bank and set it aside than put it in an account I don't have access to.
Our marriage is based on partnership. We are not equal in all things but together we make a team. One of the team members setting something aside where the other team member can't get at it? That's just begging for an ass whooping. We tried the "Southern Biblical" version of marriage and nearly divorced because I expect to be treated as an "equal" and not as a "woman." That period was the most unhappy I have ever been in my life and we both made huge mistakes because it can easily be taken too far.
In the small things, we trust each other to handle the business as we see fit as an individual. On big things though, like bank accounts, large purchases, major things to do with the kids and pets, etc... are handled as a team and we make no decision until we have talked it out and we're both in agreement. If either one of us is uncomfortable with a proposed solution, it's tabled until we either figure it out or come up with an alternative we both agree to. Our marriage is one of mutual respect and honesty.
Anyways, just my $0.02.
Our marriage is based on partnership. We are not equal in all things but together we make a team. One of the team members setting something aside where the other team member can't get at it? That's just begging for an ass whooping. We tried the "Southern Biblical" version of marriage and nearly divorced because I expect to be treated as an "equal" and not as a "woman." That period was the most unhappy I have ever been in my life and we both made huge mistakes because it can easily be taken too far.
In the small things, we trust each other to handle the business as we see fit as an individual. On big things though, like bank accounts, large purchases, major things to do with the kids and pets, etc... are handled as a team and we make no decision until we have talked it out and we're both in agreement. If either one of us is uncomfortable with a proposed solution, it's tabled until we either figure it out or come up with an alternative we both agree to. Our marriage is one of mutual respect and honesty.
Anyways, just my $0.02.
My wife and I have always managed our own money. The catch is, we're both savers, not spenders we pay our bills on time and neither feels the need to manage the other. We do what we want with our own money but we respect each other enough not to put unnecessary financial burdens on each other.
My wife has a shopping adddddddiction. I mean the bills get paid but when she finds out I got extra(meaning more than enough for my gas and tobacco)she wants to buy things take trips and what not. So I give her most of my check to cover bills. She realized I had been putting in overtime. Mostly so I could build up my PAD TAD expenses a little, been wanting to get a really nice hand made brier sitter. Nice strait grain, birdseye on the top and bottom of the bowl and on the top of the shank. What she thought was oh now we can take a vacation and see her friends in North Carolina, nice people don't get me wrong. I guess I have to do something else till I can get that pipe. But I worked it out to have more in my account and now the new account I created is going to be a college fund for the kids.
Hiding it was the best thing to do. Remember - It is ALWAYS easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.
Well, having the account without her knowing about it may have been wrong, but for her to find it and then figure out where to spend it without conversing with you was also wrong. Two wrongs making a right? I think not.
I don't have a seperate account, she is able to check and remove/add too any account we have. I mostly deal in cash in the pocket/jar for any pipe stuff.
My wife used to have a problem with my spending on pipes and the like, mostly tooling and stock to make pipes. That is until I explained to her that I wasn't using houseold money. My pipe hobby, both smoking and making is pretty much self sufficiant. I don't actually hide any money from her, but don't always tell her just how much I have. Another thing I have done several times is to purchase something a bit expensive on the spur of the moment, explaining the money came from my Pipe Stuff money. Or I may surprise her with a night out, from the same money source. She no longer has any problem with my spending on pipe stuff.
Honesty is a great thing, to a certain point. The only reason I don't always tell her how much I actually have from pipe stuff is that she would be more apt to help me spend more of it, leaving me short when a special purchase or really good deal comes along.
I don't have a seperate account, she is able to check and remove/add too any account we have. I mostly deal in cash in the pocket/jar for any pipe stuff.
My wife used to have a problem with my spending on pipes and the like, mostly tooling and stock to make pipes. That is until I explained to her that I wasn't using houseold money. My pipe hobby, both smoking and making is pretty much self sufficiant. I don't actually hide any money from her, but don't always tell her just how much I have. Another thing I have done several times is to purchase something a bit expensive on the spur of the moment, explaining the money came from my Pipe Stuff money. Or I may surprise her with a night out, from the same money source. She no longer has any problem with my spending on pipe stuff.
Honesty is a great thing, to a certain point. The only reason I don't always tell her how much I actually have from pipe stuff is that she would be more apt to help me spend more of it, leaving me short when a special purchase or really good deal comes along.
Cyndi wrote:
Also agree that the idea of secret accounts -- really any secrets -- are corrosive to a marriage.
Not a single there I could have any disagreement with. Nothing there, either, that's in conflict with the notion that a husband ought to be a servant leader. The two words have to go together, and he has to understand what the one word has to do with the other.
Also agree that the idea of secret accounts -- really any secrets -- are corrosive to a marriage.
Ooooohhh... this is turning into a discussion about the interpretation of Eph.5 (and some other)... can the theologians jump in ?? ;-)
I taught a whole series on all of Ephesians last year. A whole year on Ephesians ?? :crazy: you betcha !
But then again, I think a Mod will close this out pretty darn quick if we keep going that route :rofl:
Mick,
As I mentioned above, it is -- for me and my house -- all about understanding Eph. 5 and the rest of what God has to say about marriage. But I expressly chose to forebear the Biblical side of the discussion for two reasons:
1. I sense the discussion wouldn't be welcome or productive here, and might well violate the TOS.
2. It turns out, in my view, that all of those principles for relationships hold true throughout the secular world as well, and can be discussed in terms of the nature and makeup of men and women. (I think they are awfully hard to LIVE OUT in that context, mind you. But the notion of what men and women want, how they are alike and different, and what makes a marriage work -- no surprise to me that it's true all over, not just in the church.)
And let's be clear -- there's as much divorce IN the church as out of it. Probably as much abuse, adultery, and general unhappiness in marriage, too. We have NOTHING to boast of. Since the church is full of flawed and sinful folks (me being the greatest of these) it is clear that even trying to apply the right principles for the right reasons doesn't guarantee success. I'm blessed by a joyful, peaceful, passionate, strife-free marriage. But I never delude myself into thinking I'm entitled to any credit for that.
(Honestly, this all just got set off for me by the "caught little boy" tone of the OP. Believer or atheist or member of the Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster, I can't imagine a man wanting to live like that -- or a woman wanting to be with a man who did.)
As I mentioned above, it is -- for me and my house -- all about understanding Eph. 5 and the rest of what God has to say about marriage. But I expressly chose to forebear the Biblical side of the discussion for two reasons:
1. I sense the discussion wouldn't be welcome or productive here, and might well violate the TOS.
2. It turns out, in my view, that all of those principles for relationships hold true throughout the secular world as well, and can be discussed in terms of the nature and makeup of men and women. (I think they are awfully hard to LIVE OUT in that context, mind you. But the notion of what men and women want, how they are alike and different, and what makes a marriage work -- no surprise to me that it's true all over, not just in the church.)
And let's be clear -- there's as much divorce IN the church as out of it. Probably as much abuse, adultery, and general unhappiness in marriage, too. We have NOTHING to boast of. Since the church is full of flawed and sinful folks (me being the greatest of these) it is clear that even trying to apply the right principles for the right reasons doesn't guarantee success. I'm blessed by a joyful, peaceful, passionate, strife-free marriage. But I never delude myself into thinking I'm entitled to any credit for that.
(Honestly, this all just got set off for me by the "caught little boy" tone of the OP. Believer or atheist or member of the Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster, I can't imagine a man wanting to live like that -- or a woman wanting to be with a man who did.)
Church of the FSM is an actual thing: CFSM adherents are called Pastafarians.
It's a humorous approach to atheism -- and they have nifty t-shirts. Certainly a more fun sort than Christopher Hitchens or Richard Dawkins. (And people say church folks are overbearing and dull. Yeesh. (Although, I admit, Hitchens is a little less pedantic now that he is dead. (Oooh. Too soon?)))
It's a humorous approach to atheism -- and they have nifty t-shirts. Certainly a more fun sort than Christopher Hitchens or Richard Dawkins. (And people say church folks are overbearing and dull. Yeesh. (Although, I admit, Hitchens is a little less pedantic now that he is dead. (Oooh. Too soon?)))
The Pastafarians aren't always as peaceful as some folks might want you to believe. They once attacked a Spiritual forum I administered, posting porn and disrupting the forum to the point we had to close registration and spent two days banning them all and cleansing the site of their junk.
It's a lot easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, I buy what I want and so does my lady. Open and honest communication is the secret to success in any relationship.
My bank provides what they call a "green account". To save on paper, you can sign up to a paperless account. They don't send statements or letters at all. Plus you get £5 when you sign up! Ideal ;-)
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