Gandalf, the Churchwarden Clencher

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dctune

Part of the Furniture Now
I love my churchwardens. I don’t always smoke them, for a variety of reasons. But if pressed, I enjoy smoking a churchwarden more than any other style of pipe.

Perhaps it’s the fact that when I do smoke one, for me, it necessitates at least one free hand. Which in turn means I am not engaged in any other distracting activities & am simply enjoying a nice, relaxing bowl. I’m also a shameless Lord of the Rings fan. Even before the wonderful (ahem…Bombadil’s absence notwithstanding) films were released, my childhood was filled with stories of the Shire. And of course, churchwardens figure abundantly in Middle Earth.

Which brings me to the title of this thread of this thread.

I’m not exactly a clencher. I give it the old college try nearly every other day. Fumblingly, I might add. I admire those of you who can, like Bing, stuff a pipe between your teeth & puff away whilst doing other things. I end up drooling all over myself like a toddler with a lollipop, or bouncing ash out & making a mess of things. It’s frustrating. But I keep trying.

You can forget about it with my churchwardens. For one thing, I don’t want to chew up my bits. For another, just read the above.

As Gandalf makes his first appearance in the film, he is, naturally, smoking a rugged, long-stemmed pipe. And he is clenching. And not just clenching. The wizard is doing so while driving a horse-drawn cart. Across bumpy terrain. Sans shocks or struts.

Sir Ian McKellan must be a world class clencher.

Any of you clench your chirchwardens? How?????
 
I got to hang with Ian of Northern Briars, and I had been enjoying a churchwarden that he had made for a few years at this point. But, I was always perplexed with why he made such a wonderful button on a churchwarden. I aske him if he thought churchwardens could be clenched, and he said, "Oh no, no no." Then, I asked him why he put such a wonderful button on it, if it was never meant to be clenched. He just shrugged, and he told me that if it bothered me to just file it down, ha ha. I haven't...
 

bullet08

Lifer
Nov 26, 2018
10,340
41,846
RTP, NC. USA
Clench can be many things. Some bite, some don't. I can and do clench Peterson House pipe, but I don't bite with my teeth. The top of button parks under my top teeth, and bottom rests on my lower lip. This is stable enough for a lunt. Never found churchwarden attractive to own, but the issue would be more of balance than the weight of the thing. I'm sure we'll balanced churchwarden would be fairly easy to clench.
 

Talon

Might Stick Around
Nov 7, 2021
70
231
Ontario, Canada
Well I have a couple really nice wooden Churchwardens made right here in Ontario by a company called MacQueen Pipes. I have clenched them on quite a few occasions when necessary and I use my teeth otherwise it would just be too floppy and hard to handle. I'm not too worried about some teeth grooves in my stem and they could probably be beneficial after awhile like slipping into a nice worn pair of gloves. This brings me to a couple points; It's most likely Gandalf used his teeth to clench his pipe and didn't give any F's. Gandalf probably wasn't worried about some teeth marks in his wooden stem and would probably welcome a nice tooth groove after clenching a few hundred times. If niether of these aforementioned points were true then the most likely cause is his pipe is imbued with magic and is extremely lightweight or perhaps it just sits happily clenched because he wills it to with little or no effort at all...
 

mso489

Lifer
Feb 21, 2013
41,211
60,646
I've never thought of clenching my churchwardens, though it is possible, but moving about with a churchwarden in my mouth inevitably has me hitting furniture or lamps. However, smoked while seated in a chair with arms, a 'warden is the penultimate of ease as you can sip the smoke with the slightest movement of your hand. It is further encouragement to get seated and stay put. I have a long-stem pipe or two that allow me to both clench and move about, so they serve that purpose. One of them is the Savinelli Prince of Wales, which was produced for only a short time.
 

olkofri

Lifer
Sep 9, 2017
8,181
15,027
The Arm of Orion
Clenching a 'warden? Only momentarily, if I have to shift gears whilst turning or performing another manoeuvre which would be awkward or risky whilst holding a churchwarden (or any pipe) bowl in one hand.

Aside from that, I don't even clench my Vauen Quixx—I always hand-hold my pipes... well, except for when I wanna look cool, then I clench even if not smoking them.
 
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Clenching a 'warden? Only momentarily, if I have to shift gears whilst turning or performing another manoeuvre which would be awkward or risky whilst holding a churchwarden (or any pipe) bowl in one hand.

Aside from that, I don't even clench my Vauen Quixx—I always hand-hold my pipes... well, except for when I wanna look cool, then I clench even if not smoking them.
This churchwarden is delicious, but it's filling...
When I can't finish my chipotle burrito so I share the rest with my friend  - Album on Imgur
 

dctune

Part of the Furniture Now
I don’t think I’ve ever seen a point so irrefutably made in all my life. I am no longer impressed at Gandalf’s operating a horse & buggy while clenching. His ability & flimsy pipe both pale in comparison to what I’ve witnessed in this post.

If there’s a World Clench title belt, it should be around your waist. If there’s not one, it should manufactured at once & publicly presented to you in a televised event.
 

romaso

Lifer
Dec 29, 2010
2,053
7,943
Pacific NW
Gosh, Ian was born in 1939 so he's in his early 80s!

BTW, @Morrison Jeremiah, are you a member of the Pipe Club of London? I enjoy getting the journal even if I'll probably never make a meeting (5000 mile commute one way and all). Not sure if they're meeting in person yet.
 
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Reactions: beargreasediet
Jun 25, 2021
1,369
4,448
England
Gosh, Ian was born in 1939 so he's in his early 80s!

BTW, @Morrison Jeremiah, are you a member of the Pipe Club of London? I enjoy getting the journal even if I'll probably never make a meeting (5000 mile commute one way and all). Not sure if they're meeting in person yet.
No I'm not a member, but I do drop in the shop now and then.
Staff are very friendly.
I would doubt there are any meetings, because of covid.
 

dctune

Part of the Furniture Now
I always found it interesting that churchwardens were so prominent in the LotR films. They were much less so in the books, where shorter pipes predominate.
I also seem to recall churchwardens being in a late ‘70s animated version of the Hobbit. I’m not 100% on this, because it’s been a while since I’ve seen it. But it seems like Bilbo or the dwarves or somebody had a pipe that almost reached to their hairy little toes.
 

Chasing Embers

Captain of the Black Frigate
Nov 12, 2014
45,380
120,163
I also seem to recall churchwardens being in a late ‘70s animated version of the Hobbit. I’m not 100% on this, because it’s been a while since I’ve seen it. But it seems like Bilbo or the dwarves or somebody had a pipe that almost reached to their hairy little toes.
Yeah, the LOTR pipes had more in common with tyloreans than churchwardens.

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dctune

Part of the Furniture Now
Yeah, the LOTR pipes had more in common with tyloreans than churchwardens.

View attachment 113247
These pipes have always fascinated me. I’ve never owned or smoked one, and they seem unnecessarily busy. Althoughunnecessarily? What do I know, having never partook? Maybe their busyness is entirely necessary, particularly in windy conditions.

In my mind, they’ve also always been akin to those old, ornate beer steins.

Annnnd now I’m…thirsty.

(Is it too early on a Tuesday? I mean, I am working from home, in my pajama pants, smoking Sutliff Majestic English. I don’t have a beer stein, but I have plenty of what goes in one.)

EDIT: I have zero clue how that Bullwinkle emoji ended up there. I was trying to type the word “And” with several of the letter N in the middle. Apparently I’ve stumbled upon some feature?