Embarrassing Moments

[anantaandroscoggin]

By the time I got out of the service, after 10 years, all I had left to me for a life philosophy was:
"Life Sucks, You Embarrass Yourself Horribly, and Then You Croak."
'nuff said!
Ananta

 

[bnichols23]

Ray-Bans ... "They have no sense of humor around here."

Dead-on there, Jesse! They absolutely do not; on duty those guys have even less of a sense of funny than the FBI does. I've known some of them, & when it comes to duty they are 125% business & nothing but. A cop buddy of mine in Louisville coordinated with them for a couple of presidential visits, & even he was impressed. He'd been part of "Air America" (had some shrapnel in his leg that "wasn't there"), so you know if it impressed somebody like *that*....

"Life Sucks, You Embarrass Yourself Horribly, and Then You Croak."

Yeah, I know a couple of guys who 2-blocked themselves out of the promote-immediately group due to momentary lapses in judgement. And then there was the Security Forces guy at Eglin AFB (read "Air Police" for the rest of us old guys) who basically augured in the rest of his career *&* reputation by running his cruiser into an F-15. Uh-huh. **On The Flightline.** Yup, 100% serious, NOT kidding. Cost ~$62K damage to the F-15's landing gear. The cruiser was a total loss since the responders had to cut the roof off to get the guy out. Absolute true truth; I was working at the Eglin Med Group at the time ('99). https://www.scribd.com/doc/6647150/F-15-vs-Lumina

 

[prndl]

She was blonde. And tall. An Elle Mcpherson doppelganger, if there ever was one. I was a newly implanted Nawth Jawja hillbilly who looked just as awkward walking backassards as forwards.
And we had both just turned 13.
Still, I was smitten with her, straining just to see glimpses of her on the schoolyard or in passing thru the hall. After months of silence, I decided to go for it and finally bring myself to walk over to her and say hello. I even watched every Clark Gable movie I could think of, just to get those first few words right.
At lunch one day, I saw her sitting on the front steps by herself, her long hair wisping in a light breeze as she read from a textbook. With a hard swallow, I got my John Wayne stride going and casually walked over to her. She looked up from her book and smiled slightly.
And, in my best Cary Grant voice, blurted out to her, "What size...shoes do you wear?"
Hard to believe that, to this day, that girl has still not spoken to me, huh?

 

[bnichols23]

Yeah, been there, prndl. We probably all have, except for the liars.
BTW, all, on mine earlier about the cop with poor judgment, I meant to add & didn't have time --
The (public) reason for his running into the aircraft was that [ahem] he had his personal cellphone in his hand (a big no-no while driving on duty in a govt. vehicle, even in '99) & had "dropped" it, so he was trying to pick it up. What was left UN-public was [AHEM*2*!] ...
his civilian girlfriend was in the car with him. An even BIGGER big no-no while driving on duty.
Yeah, un-huh, yeah, got it, he "dropped the phone." And I'm still Tsar of all the Russias, AND the Queen of the May too. -sarcsnort-
Bill

 

[tschiraldi]

Okay, one from prison life. I was a brand new officer and was working Area Patrol in a vehicle. We had a prison farm with cows where some of our minimum security inmates worked. Well, as I was patrolling the farm area, I noticed a young African American inmate struggling to get a calf back to the barn. He was pushing, pulling, and smacking it on the rear, Ll to no avail. "City Boys", I thought, chuckling. I got out of the vehicle and said to the young man " Here, let me show you something". I stuck my thumb in the call's mouth and began walking it back to the barn. "A calf will suck on anything" , I proudly said! Well, you can guess what happened, SMH. My Captain wasn't very pleased with me the next day. The inmate was in Segregation, and my Captain grumpily shared what had happened with all my new coworkers in Roll Call. That story filled me for years!

 

[bnichols23]

Huh-boy. OK, I'll yield to that one, tschir!
Bill

 

[hawky454]

Hahaha! I love hearing these kinds of stories! It’s like when grocery shopping with your Mom and accidentally going up to the wrong woman thinking it’s her, that’s happened to me way too many times. I have a bunch of embarrassing stories. I’ll only tell one for now.
Once, I was working for the post office as a rural mail carrier back in my early 20’s. Being a rural carrier you drive your own vehicle and dress in your own clothes, no uniform necessary. I was just starting my route but I needed to fill up on gas and pogy bait so off to the gas station I went. I went to go pump gas in my car, put the nozzle in the gas tank and realized that you needed to prepay for the gas and they didn’t have those convenient credit card slots at the pump so I went inside to pay. While in the store I suddenly realized I needed to use the restroom, so I took care of my business came out and bought some treats and payed for my gasoline. I went back to my car, distracted by the wonderful flavor of my Doitos, I just drove off, totally lost in my junk food bliss. I felt a pull and a loud noise as I pulled off but didn’t think too much of it, looked in my rear view mirror, no dead cat behind me so I thought all was good, time to get to work. A few minutes down the road I noticed I was getting a lot of attention from other drivers. At first it was a wave here and a wave there, I just politely waved back thinking I was a popular mail man today, I’m like a rockstar I’m this town! Woohoo. Then I noticed the car behind me was urgently trying to get my attention, they were waving me down and laughing at the same time, they kept pointing at something on my car. That’s when I noticed it, I looked out the drivers side window in the mirror and noticed there was a big, black hose about 15 ft long hanging out of my car, dragging down the road. “Uh oh!” I thought, “I forgot to get gas”. Pulled over, and took the damn pump out of my gas tank and threw it in the trunk. How embarrassing! Even worse, I still needed gas and had to face the clerk at the gas station and own up to what I’ve done. They were surprisingly cool about it, let me fill up on gas and told me I could keep the hose as a souvenir, lol.

 

[hawky454]

A couple of months ago, we were in a crowded Cracker Barrell with friends for breakfast. While waiting for a table, a short kid was in front of me, blocking the isle. About 4'5" tall, short hair, slacks. I put my hands on his shoulders, turned him around and said "Hey Chief, you can't hangout in the aisle". It was a little old lady, who wasn't too pleased with me. My friend thought it was hilarious.

:rofl:
Oh man, this one has me crying!!! Hot damn, that’s funny! I love these little awkward moments in life, especially when they happen to someone else. These are all great stories though, thanks for the laughs y’all. I love this thread! I also need to search for that thread that the OP mentioned.

 

[mau1]

Here you go Hawky...
http://pipesmagazine.com/forums/topic/the-esudodacity-of-him

 

[hawky454]

Awesome, thanks, mau1!

 

[brian64]

and he caught me... smoking a corn cob pipe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKcAYMb5uk4

That’s when I noticed it, I looked out the drivers side window in the mirror and noticed there was a big, black hose about 15 ft long hanging out of my car, dragging down the road. “Uh oh!” I thought, “I forgot to get gas”.

I love how your immediate reaction was just that you forgot to get gas...instead of the realization of the hose ripped from the pump and dragged down the road. :rofl: