Dad Advice
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Don't forget to put your wife first before the kiddos (just be ready for number two), because somebody has to take care of her as well... and she almost certainly will forget to put anything before her baby.
Also to echo what warren said, remember that you aren't raising a child, if you try to do that you will fail as a father. Raise an adult. In the meantime soak in every second of childhood, because you get to be a kid again too, enjoy that part together.
Also to echo what warren said, remember that you aren't raising a child, if you try to do that you will fail as a father. Raise an adult. In the meantime soak in every second of childhood, because you get to be a kid again too, enjoy that part together.
Lots of the "entertaining" type of advice so far.
Now for the serious stuff.
Two things.
Either one can mess kids up but good, and there is no rewind button because the damage is developmental. i.e. Creates hardwiring.
Keep them away from pot:
nida.nih.gov
Keep them away from a "social media lifestyle":
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Now for the serious stuff.
Two things.
Either one can mess kids up but good, and there is no rewind button because the damage is developmental. i.e. Creates hardwiring.
Keep them away from pot:
What are marijuana's long-term effects on the brain? | National Institute on Drug Abuse
Substantial evidence from animal research and a growing number of studies in humans indicate that marijuana exposure during development can cause long-term or possibly permanent adverse changes in the brain.
Keep them away from a "social media lifestyle":
The impact of the digital revolution on human brain and behavior: where do we stand?
This overview will outline the current results of neuroscience research on the possible effects of digital media use on the human brain, cognition, and behavior. This is of importance due to the significant amount of time that individuals spend using digital ...
www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
Can't help you there. However, my eyes saw "Bad Advice" upon glancing at this thread for the first time, so I was getting ready to unload a few choice numbers, until I observed the title with more care.
I'm going to heed some good advice instead, and perhaps look into my first pair of reading glasses.
I'm going to heed some good advice instead, and perhaps look into my first pair of reading glasses.
I have 2 sons in their mid-30's (10-1/2 months apart), raised with 'tough love', & as much attention as I could provide.
After the birth of my first grandson, I gave this to my eldest son...
A Little Fellow Follows Me
Rev. Claude Wisdom White, Sr
"A careful man I want to be--
A little fellow follows me.
I do not dare to go astray,
For fear he’ll go the self-same way.
I cannot once escape his eyes.
Whatever he sees me do he tries.
Like me he says he’s going to be —
That little chap who follows me…
He knows that I am big and fine —
And believes in every word of mine.
The base in me he must not see —
That little chap who follows me…
I must be careful as I go
Through summer’s sun and winter’s snow,
Because I am building for the years to be;
This little chap who follows me.
But after all it’s easier,
That brighter road to climb,
With little hands behind me —
To push me all the time.
And I reckon I’m a better man
Than what I used to be…
Because I have this lad at home
Who thinks the world of me."
After the birth of my first grandson, I gave this to my eldest son...
A Little Fellow Follows Me
Rev. Claude Wisdom White, Sr
"A careful man I want to be--
A little fellow follows me.
I do not dare to go astray,
For fear he’ll go the self-same way.
I cannot once escape his eyes.
Whatever he sees me do he tries.
Like me he says he’s going to be —
That little chap who follows me…
He knows that I am big and fine —
And believes in every word of mine.
The base in me he must not see —
That little chap who follows me…
I must be careful as I go
Through summer’s sun and winter’s snow,
Because I am building for the years to be;
This little chap who follows me.
But after all it’s easier,
That brighter road to climb,
With little hands behind me —
To push me all the time.
And I reckon I’m a better man
Than what I used to be…
Because I have this lad at home
Who thinks the world of me."
1. Don’t ask a bunch of strangers for parenting advice.
2. As long as you’re asking, consider this as one of the many dubious choices you will make as you head into parenthood.
3. Practice forgiveness, for your wife, your child, and yourself. That goes a long ways toward making a difference. And makes the difficult parts a little easier to do.
4. Expectations are great as long as you don’t have any. Reality is rarely what you expect. Expectations get in the way of being present. Being present is a fundamental part of being a parent.
5. Teach by example. Anything else is bullshit.
Don’t forget #3.
2. As long as you’re asking, consider this as one of the many dubious choices you will make as you head into parenthood.
3. Practice forgiveness, for your wife, your child, and yourself. That goes a long ways toward making a difference. And makes the difficult parts a little easier to do.
4. Expectations are great as long as you don’t have any. Reality is rarely what you expect. Expectations get in the way of being present. Being present is a fundamental part of being a parent.
5. Teach by example. Anything else is bullshit.
Don’t forget #3.
Since some are being realistic, forget advice. First three months are all about survival, for you and your wife. Get through that first. Get as much help as possible. But keep your eyes on your kid at all time. The kid is your responsibility. Something goes wrong, you are it. Don't let the kid out of your sight You can trust your wife, but still have her in your sight. Your wife might be on an emotional rollercoaster, or not. Better to be read to help her than have her have an accident.
Raising the kid, that's another story. You might have some ideas as to what you would like to do. But depends on the kid, it might have to change or modified. One thing I did was not trusting anyone when it came to my kids. I had my eyes on them. Never allowed any single adult to be with my kids at any time without my wife or I. My kids are my responsibility. Just loving them doesn't work. Just giving hard love doesn't work. You have to be flexible. Some rules, don't bend them. But set it so you can forgive. It's a lot like driving. You can be the best driver, but there are other people driving like crazy around you. Keep 'em safe, but don't let them know you are always there. They need freedom and breathing room to grow. But be ready to catch them before they fall on their head. It's a lot like juggling. Yeah, they need to know you are the dad. But they also need to know they can count on you to listen to them when they need you. You have to be their dad, and a friend, and a good cop and the bad cop. You have to be their everything without them expecting you to solve everything for them. It's hard. But it's worth it.
Raising the kid, that's another story. You might have some ideas as to what you would like to do. But depends on the kid, it might have to change or modified. One thing I did was not trusting anyone when it came to my kids. I had my eyes on them. Never allowed any single adult to be with my kids at any time without my wife or I. My kids are my responsibility. Just loving them doesn't work. Just giving hard love doesn't work. You have to be flexible. Some rules, don't bend them. But set it so you can forgive. It's a lot like driving. You can be the best driver, but there are other people driving like crazy around you. Keep 'em safe, but don't let them know you are always there. They need freedom and breathing room to grow. But be ready to catch them before they fall on their head. It's a lot like juggling. Yeah, they need to know you are the dad. But they also need to know they can count on you to listen to them when they need you. You have to be their dad, and a friend, and a good cop and the bad cop. You have to be their everything without them expecting you to solve everything for them. It's hard. But it's worth it.
I'll say it, reading though this thread brings a tear to my eye. I'd go back and have our kids from scratch and go through their growing up all over again in a heartbeat - loved every stage (and they are fine now, haha, but still, having kids around was the best and sitting here in the dark by the light of the Christmas tree and this screen that needs dimming has me in a nostalgic holiday mood and the puppy looking at me with concern, lol).
Wake up with the baby, a lot.
Her staying home with a newborn is also work. Wake up with the baby, lot. Whole nights, shifts, whatever y'all work out.
Just make sure you're doing an equal share of waking up with the baby.
This is #1
Her staying home with a newborn is also work. Wake up with the baby, lot. Whole nights, shifts, whatever y'all work out.
Just make sure you're doing an equal share of waking up with the baby.
This is #1
I've enjoyed reading through this thread, thanks for all the advice given and experiences shared.
The best advice I gave to my 8-year-old son when his mother and I went our separate ways was to "Take care of your mother and get your education". Yes, he was eight but the brains in the family once I had left,
Stress this with your kids, "Actions.decisions have consequences!" Kids should have that pounded into their heads from the time they are old enough grasp it. Some kids in law school are sadly gonna learn that when they hit the market if they have a history of mindless and overt (pictures in the paper, signed protest letters, etc.) activism.
Be sure to communicate with your woman. Always treat your kid with respect and it will be reciprocated. Too often I see parents that demand respect from their children and don’t give it. Giving respect doesn’t mean being a pushover and acquiescing to their every demand, but listening, explaining, and avoiding name calling or belittling will go a long way. When there is mutual respect between you and your child it becomes easier to be their parent as opposed to their friend as they tend to respect your decisions more.
Really solid advice on the thread. Congratulations on your impending child.
A few things that helped and continue to help with my two sons 23 and 21:
Be patient with your children, wife, and yourself. Strive for the best, but expect mistakes along the way. They will remember the good and the bad that you do, so act accordingly.
Treat their mom with respect at all times. The weekly date or alone time goes along way In maintaining a positive relationship.
Time flies - be present in their lives and soak it up. Try to coach their sports teams, attend music lessons, whatever they enjoy be there to support them.
And if you can afford it - start a college fund now and then help them establish a Roth IRA once they start making money.
A few things that helped and continue to help with my two sons 23 and 21:
Be patient with your children, wife, and yourself. Strive for the best, but expect mistakes along the way. They will remember the good and the bad that you do, so act accordingly.
Treat their mom with respect at all times. The weekly date or alone time goes along way In maintaining a positive relationship.
Time flies - be present in their lives and soak it up. Try to coach their sports teams, attend music lessons, whatever they enjoy be there to support them.
And if you can afford it - start a college fund now and then help them establish a Roth IRA once they start making money.
I’m still raising kids and won’t really offer advice since time will tell if I did a good job or not.
I will only say this: children love and long for their fathers for all of life. I’m trying to be the kind of dad that will be missed once I’m gone. My dad made some really big mistakes (understatement) and I still miss him like crazy. I think you’ve got to be a real bastard to not be missed at least a little.
I will only say this: children love and long for their fathers for all of life. I’m trying to be the kind of dad that will be missed once I’m gone. My dad made some really big mistakes (understatement) and I still miss him like crazy. I think you’ve got to be a real bastard to not be missed at least a little.