College Smokers?

[gamecockpiper]

Due to my mother's staunch and highly unforgiving stance on all tobacco use ("It's just suicide by self inflicted poison")I can only freely fire up my pipe when I'm away for a long while or when I'm back at college. She doesn't know I smoke (not that I hide it per se, but I just don't give free information and I keep it "on the DL". I'd reply if she asked so I don't feel like I'm lying, really.) I can't help but wonder, has anyone else been in this position before?

 

[jeepnewbie]

Personally I just put it out in the open when I was younger and staying with my grandparents. I put my Grabow on a stand in my room for all to see, and had the tobacco jar setting next to it. My grandmother at first didn't really like it but I was over 18 and working full time helping them out on bills. She grew to accept it as I didn't do it in the house or around her, and she much rather me do something legal than illegal like most kids at that age.
At your age you are legally considered an adult, but even so we still consider their feelings and wishes. Continue like your doing and if they ask be honest.
Good Luck

 

[phred]

My mother tends to fly off the handle about things, so I learned early on to keep my own counsel about stuff. I'm now 47 and living in another state, but there are plenty of things I just simply don't mention because they're none of her business and I don't feel like getting an earful of her opinion about certain things (tattoos, for example, or pipe smoking). The fact that I no longer live at home makes this much easier than it used to be...

 

[tarak]

Personally, I would respect your mother by not violating her wishes at home, but I also wouldn't "hide" anything. Living that way doesn't get us very far in life, and we've only got so long with each other. Give the opportunity for open, honest conversaion, even though it may be a long process to reach a point where you both agree. My two cents.

 

[85royals]

I just told my Sister that I enjoy a pipe and the cigar every once in a while.. once again not hiding it just kept it to my self the other sister knew the folks (life long cigarette smokers) knew.. I feel better knowing she knows.. but her approval or disapproval was not going to make me stop.. good luck my friend its a enjoyable hobby

 

[irwinmetro]

When I smoked nails I had to hide that from my parents for disapproval -until the wife quit and I was semi-forced to follow suit. For some reason the pipe gets a pass from the family and wife, too.
I believe that's the reason I smoked a pipe (poorly) for long enough to discover this forum and refine my habits. Now it's daily, and still gets a pass. A wonderful stroke of luck to be sure.

 

[phred]

Give the opportunity for open, honest conversation, even though it may be a long process to reach a point where you both agree.

If you can get to this point, great. It's how my wife and I operate, and I highly recommend it as long as both of you are committed to openness and honesty.
My mother, however, is only okay with openness and honesty if I'm in total agreement with her point of view. :roll: I've learned to pick my battles. As I didn't start smoking a pipe until this year, it's one of those things I will not be bringing up in conversation - and thankfully, it's so far off her radar that she's highly unlikely to ever ask me about it...

 

[boudreaux]

As a related to topic comment, when I first took up pipe smoking during the Pre-Cambrian era at college, you could puff away in class. That kept me awake through many a boring lecture! :P

 

[cavendish36]

I don't think moms ever stop being moms. Mine doesn't know I smoke a pipe, even though I've been married for ten years and have three kids of my own. My wife thinks it's a great hobby for me and has even given me tobacco as presents on occasion. It's just that moms will always be moms. Give deference to her when you're around her and respect her wishes while at her house or together at a function. There's not alot you (or she) can do beyond that.

 

[gamecockpiper]

@phred- That's exactly how mine is. She's highly conservative and not exactly open to differing opinions on some things...this being a big one. You can almost see the instant dismissal and "shut out" when you try to talk about the differences (Which we have when a friend of mine took up the pipe, in the context of him and his health).
@boudreaux- I wish I sure could...Man, it'd probably help me concentrate! Plus, what's wrong w/ a little "Captain Black Cologne" hahah?
@cavendish36-That's exactly how I do it now. I don't consider it to be a big enough deal to just bring up, but I never do it at home or around her (mostly so she wont find out but hey lol) I figure it's up there with what you do on a date, you just don't report back everything you did to your mom because it's your personal stuff and she has no need to be involved.

 

[undecagon]

When I was 17 and my friends started turning 18, I said to my parents "I'm going over to my buddy's to play D&D, and we are going out to buy cigars to celebrate my friend turning 18." They wanted to make sure that's all the smoking I'd taken or will be taking part in. I assured them I stayed away from nails and the green stuff. They weren't going to say "This makes me so happy" or anything, but they didn't give me a hard time because I just said it. It wasn't an event, or a weird conversation, it was just there - out in the open. That year we smoked cigars off and on as the mood struck us. Then once we were in college, one of my friends came back and said "Look what a college buddy got for me!" It was a pipe, and he had a cob for me. I liked it, and that Christmas he bought me my Rattray's. All the while, we would be outside, but outside at my parents house. Never once trying to hide, or "just not show when the rents are around" or anything. It was just a decision I made, and similarly to not being ashamed with a pipe while walking around town, I'd be damned if I was going to be ashamed while spending time with my own family. Since then, the folks still don't sit there and think it's the best idea in the world, but they have gotten me numerous tins of tobacco, a pipe rack, a tobacco jar, cigars, matches, ash trays, and a few pipes for Christmas or Birthdays. And when I needed to move back in for a year after college, they hooked me up with the basement, and said "Keep it down there, doors closed, windows open, candles lit afterwards, and you can smoke your pipes."
So, the upfront approach definitely paid off!
::

 

[johnscs]

Moms don't stop being moms, but like everyone else, they're subject to the kinds of life changes that can affect both parents and kids when kids reach milestones like turning 18 and leaving for college. No point bringing on grief if that's what your parents are likely to give, and if they're affirmed antis. Smoking your pipe on the DL may be the way to go until you're 100% independent, but at 18, no reason a guy should hide the fact that he's made an adult decision to take up a perfectly respectable pastime like pipe smoking.
When I learned to smoke a pipe in my teens, I enjoyed it from the start, except for hiding it from my mom. I hated sneaking around, but I knew she couldn't possibly approve b/c I was so young. Senior year of high school, when a friend of mine turned 18, he just started smoking his pipe and his cigars openly. My mom took notice and had to ask if I ever smoked w/him. Her question wasn't accusatory, and the way she talked about my friend was actually kind of complimentary. I didn't come out and confess right then, but her comment made me less nervous, and I kept on smoking (feeling a little less guilty). That summer before college, I ended up not going public b/c I just wimped out. At college, though, I smoked my pipe in public and relaxed - other guys my age were doing it, and I fit in just fine.
While I was at home on break, the pipe thing just kinda came up thanks to my younger brother. My mom wasn't even a little upset. "You smoke a pipe now? Well, as long as you stick w/a pipe and enjoy it, I wouldn't try to stop you. A pipe actually suits you." And that was about the extent of getting approval.

 

[erichbaumer]

I've been up-front with my parents since I started smoking freshman year. Two years later, my mom smokes cigarillos with me on the porch almost every time I'm out here with a pipe or cigar. My dad won't partake, and still gives me grief for it every once in a while, but he doesn't exactly avoid the porch when I'm smoking. They even let me smoke inside in winter if we have the fireplace going. It's a lot more acceptance than I expected from either.

Bottom line is, you're 18 (or older) and can and must make your own decisions. I'd suggest trying to bring it up in conversation and emphasizing how relaxing and enjoyable it is for you while assuring them/her that you've looked into the health risks, etc. Good luck!

 

[papipeguy]

I'd wager that more than a few of us here started smoking pipes in college. I started in 1970 in my freshman year. My parents were not overjoyed but they thought I was just "going through a phase". Well, 43 years later I'm still in that phase and my, now 87 year-old, mother still looks at me askance but does not comment.

So, what I say to you younger guys is, stick with what you like, don't hide it and by the time your 61 your parents will be more abiding of your choices. See, it's a matter of sticking it out.