I have to thank you guys for the free entertainment. My new favorite poster is that metal head fellow. You’re all right, man.
I guess I should have said at the outset that I’d thoroughly cleaned the pipe, but I didn’t think you all would think I’d be the sort of fellow to stick something that looked like that in my mouth. OF course that means reaming the bowl (yes, that’s how you spell it!) and draft hole and cleaning out the mortise. Used these things called pipe cleaners and an exotic fluid by the name of Wis-Kee until they came out clean. Wiped it down with some water on a rag and then a dry buff. What did I get?
A heavy pipe. How heavy?, you ask, attempting to define terms. Good question. Let’s take this one on faith. It’s fooking heavy. Heavy to the point of two regular bowls (yes, that’s how you spell it!). How do I know? Like you, I smoke and own pipes, with an emphasis on meerschaum. Good Turkish should be light as a feather, good African slightly heavier, but this thing is a quoit.
Now, to my theory. It’s very popular to say meerschaum is a stone, and technically, that’s quite correct. But it isn’t granite. It’s more like clay. As a matter of fact, it was used as a substitute for fuller’s earth for a long time. That’s a type of clay, for those of you good sports who followed through this far. Now clay pipes, as we all know, turn brown and can get heavy with repeated use. They’re cleaned by placing them in the coals of a fire or refining them in the kiln. This bakes out the dirty and lightens the pipe in both color and weight.
So I’m thinking meerschaum might work the same way. Those tubules fill up with the funk and turn your pipe all sorts of lovely shades. But maybe they can reach a point of saturation over, say, 40 some years of being the only pipe some filthy bastige ever smoked.
Now that I’ve shown why I think you’re crazy and elucidatedet my own craziness, I have proven we are all bozos on this bus, and that’s what makes the ride fun. QED.
Also, Cosmic, I’d be really worried that you had the same crazy thought I did.