When my friend David and I last played the nursing homes my sideman David would scold me not to smoke my ten dollar Kaywoodie Flame Grain until we almost wore out that act.
Then the nursing homes were full of folks who grew up during Laurel and Hardy but by now the Rat Pack generation ought to be there in their wheelchairs.
Everybody’s Somebody’s Fool - Loretta Lynn version
Who’s Sorry Now 1951 Dean Martin version
David has gone home to his family nearly ten years ago and there’s a brand new crop of folks in wheelchairs waiting to be entertained over the noon meals in the nursing homes, and today—-I’m a card carrying Medicare Advantage holder—-
Which Medicare Advantage do you have there, Van?
Well, let’s see, I need the bottom of my trifocals
Here let me try to read it, Van
It says United Healthcare, you have the same card as Luigi !!!
Maybe it might buy a Hundred Dollar Funeral , then?
Pretty Miss Norma Jean Version
Today, the hundred dollar Charatan generation is in the nursing homes and I need to practice up at the Friday jam sessions and find another old man about my age as my side man.
And in spite of my humble Bug Tussle roots I’m not exactly a poor man, today.
You don’t look poor sitting there in your thousand dollar suit, Van
The wife and me are retired and living on a fixed income and she gives me an allowance for my pipes
How much is your allowance?
A Hunnert Dollars!
I kinda need to go smoke my Forty One Dollar ROSEDALE !
How many pipes do you have in those suit pockets?
Well I have a Forty Dollar Bertram, and a Sixty Dollar Bertram!
That’s about your whole allowance isn’t it?
Until my Social Security check comes in, maybe!
Whose counting?
If Taunia finds out she might give you
Heartaches by the Number!
Ready?
BR5-49 Version!
Next month they should have the Friday jam sessions at the local park, and the nursing homes bring the old folks to the sunshine on Fridays.
And I just LOVE the local jam session rules!
1. Every Friday at one, inside a local business if it’s hot or cold or in the park in nice weather.
2. All songs have to be Grand Ole Opry sing alongs.
(No long haired hippy type songs)
3. Only one microphone for the lead singer.
4. All musical instruments strictly aucoustic
5. Since they take turns singing lead, and I only play chords, I get to smoke my pipes and thank the crowd personally for forty one years of good living as a lawyer.
(I’m getting in a geniune Charatan’s Make super high dollar hoity toity City of London briar pipe I only had to give one dollar a year as my retirement present to myself, it’s a ROSEDALE. Ain’t much to look at, is it?)
And always, in a Continental Suit