BREAKING: United States Congress Bans All Tobacco Products

[latbomber]

"This morning the 113th congress of the United States passed by a landslide vote of 530-5 the 'Prohibition of Cancer Causing Agents' act. This effectively prohibits the sale or use of any tobacco product from January 1st 2015 forward. Speaker of the House John Boehner said 'This marks a great day in the history of healthcare in this nation and will save millions of American lives' Protests from tobacco manufacturers who are upset at the clandestine way in which the bill was introduced commented 'This bill is a black mark on the freedoms afforded to us by the constitution. If we can't sell thousands of pounds of pipe tobacco a month to a few dozen men on internet forums then how will we make a living?'
Needless to say I'm shocked...

 

[petes03]

Uhhh...... I really hope this is an April Fools thing!!
If so, then Good One! If not, then Dammit I'm Pissed!

 

[tanless1]

My jaw dropped, and my breath caught.....well done merry prankster. Terrifying.

 

[ravenwolf]

Well played, sir, well played.

 

[Dutch Pipe Smoker]

The two seconds I believed it were awful! Well done!

 

[verse]

Son of a

 

[saint007]

I might have kind of believed it for a moment had you said Nancy Pelosi instead of Boehner :wink:

 

[philobeddoe]

A little bit of pee came out.

 

[pruss]

... and Peck's dreams of becoming a wealthy black marketeer came crashing to a halt with one April Fool's Day joke.
Hmmmm. Tobacco Magnate has a nice ring to it.
-- Pat

 

[yazamitaz]

If I hadn't already played numerous pranks this morning I may have believed you.

 

[fadingdaylight]

Oh man, it's that day again...

 

[foggymountain]

Ha ha. April 1st and the fools are showing themselves.

 

[lurch76]

http://www.weeklystandard.com/blogs/defense-secretary-looking-banning-tobacco-sales-military-installations_786389.html
You aren't too far off. The Defense Secretary is looking at banning sales for the military.

 

[apatim]

Sadly, I wasn't all that shocked at seeing this... I wouldn't put it past any of those power grubbing crooks currently walking the halls of congress. That said, I'm certainly glad it isn't true (at least, for now).

 

[youngsterpuffer]

Wow, had me for a good 5 minutes until I looked at the calendar on the wall at work. Lol if they're going to ban cancer causing agents, they might as well ban half of what Americans use in daily life. Too much of anything can cause harm.

 

[snagstangl]

Soooooo they are banning lunch meat, BBQ meat with char on it, most cleaning products, alcohol? dam

 

[layinpipe]

Nice job. Reading that thread title here at work had me for a sec and woke me up a lot more than this large cup of black coffee i'm drinking simultaneously while typing this! Well done and thanks for the caffeine-free jolt!

 

[sablebrush52]

Wait a minute! I'd heard that Congress was forced to pass this legislation by the Martians that just landed in New Jersey. Some place called Grover's Mill, I think.

 

[decigar]

Dang I wish I knew about this before. I spent all my money on a bridge.

 

[salmonfisher]

LMFAO. I was thinking, holy crap, time to really get to work on my cellering....
Great joke....well worded....Very well delivered...
:worship: :worship: