Are We Too Casual?

[WerewolfOfLondon]

If I so much as go to buy a bag of penny sweets, I expect my social inferiors to know their place. Not only should they know it, they have to demonstrate they know it with open displays of servile self-abasement. And woe betide any of this pond life if they fail to pay me the courtesies I deserve. For that I always demand instant dismissal. The worst of course, is when they have the temerity to look one in the eye. One scalliwag tried this the other day but such was my outrage that my walking cane was across his visage before there was time for our eyes to fully lock. Ruffian won't be trying that again any time soon. The world sure has gone to hell in a hand cart.

 

[Sam Gamgee]

I can't imagine being bothered by another person's choice of attire or how they present themselves. It doesn't affect me in the slightest. Maybe I'm just not as thin-skinned as some.
Maybe if retail employees were actually paid enough to live on, they'd give a damn and show up to work looking presentable.

I'm respectfully calling BS on this. It's like I've heard my dear old country-boy dad (RIP) say a thousand times when he'd see a dirty person:
"Boy, there just aint no sense in that shit! A man can always afford a goddam bar of soap..."

Self-respect and consideration for others (especially if you are handling their FOOD!) is part of being a grownup. Or it should be.

 

[Sam Gamgee]

I am younger than the average poster here, but am surprised at the disdain for certain responses to 'thank you'. I've used all sorts of replies never realized that some were frowned upon. To me it would seem that the tone and body language would have much more significant impact on whether I come back with a 'no problem', 'of course', 'anytime, brother', or 'your welcome'

I wonder how many people I've pissed off

"No problem" is not, should not be, and never has been an appropriate response to "thank you." If someone is serving me in a restaurant where I'm paying the bill, of course it's not a problem for them to refill my glass, etc. "You're welcome" has always been the appropriate response. Better yet, "my pleasure" like the Chick-Fil-A folks do.

 

[SBC]

I sometimes need to make phone calls in my line of work, and more than once I've had a person pick up whilst using the commode. Both men and women. Surely he or she must know that I hear what is there to be heard (including the flush at the end)? So long as they cannot see my face, they feel no shame.

 

[sham]

"No problem" is not, should not be, and never has been an appropriate response to "thank you." If someone is serving me in a restaurant where I'm paying the bill, of course it's not a problem for them to refill my glass, etc. "You're welcome" has always been the appropriate response. Better yet, "my pleasure" like the Chick-Fil-A folks do.

I will consider this.

Cant help to beat this horse, though. The debate sparks my mind other languages like spanish and french, where I was primarily taught to say 'de nada' or 'de rien' meaning 'its nothing'. Seems fairly synomous with our 'no problem'.

 

[Snook]

I completely agree with your sentiments.

As far as manners go, I almost don't enjoy interacting with people anymore because it's gotten so bad. Everyone is apathetic and rude, and when you get someone who is actually kind and sociable, it seems to be the exception to the rule.

Things have definitely deteriorated on a ‘dress’ level as well. Pajama bottoms seem to be a norm when going out. Nothing is "special" anymore. Even going to nice restaurants, you'll find people who just don't care to take the time to dress nice and make an event out of it.

My wife and I recently went to her company’s 30th anniversary celebration. It was planned for over a year. It was going to be a formal event - fancy dinner, entertainment, the works. People had to fly in from all over to attend. We ourselves had to drive two hours from where we live to the resort town that it was held at. And you know what? There were STILL people wearing t-shirts and jeans at the dinner. We couldn’t believe it. At least we felt like we looked pretty good in what we were wearing… but still. People just don’t care anymore and it’s disappointing.

 

[sham]

Chick-Fil-A is a great example of a counter culture. They are selling the same product as other fast food chains but are light years ahead in quality and service. I wonder what makes those people different?

Oh right, their mission statement:
"To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us. To have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A."

 

[Snook]

"No problem" is not, should not be, and never has been an appropriate response to "thank you." If someone is serving me in a restaurant where I'm paying the bill, of course it's not a problem for them to refill my glass, etc. "You're welcome" has always been the appropriate response. Better yet, "my pleasure" like the Chick-Fil-A folks do.

Ooo I can't stand the "my pleasure" thing at Chick-Fil-A! Creeps me out.

 

[gubbyduffer]

I am younger than the average poster here, but am surprised at the disdain for certain responses to 'thank you'. I've used all sorts of replies never realized that some were frowned upon. To me it would seem that the tone and body language would have much more significant impact on whether I come back with a 'no problem', 'of course', 'anytime, brother', or 'your welcome'

I wonder how many people I've pissed off

Plenty if you weren't wearing a tuxedo by the sound of things.

 

[Sam Gamgee]

double post.

 

[Sam Gamgee]

Chick-Fil-A is a great example of a counter culture. They are selling the same product as other fast food chains but are light years ahead in quality and service. I wonder what makes those people different?

Oh right, their mission statement:
"To glorify God by being a faithful steward of all that is entrusted to us. To have a positive influence on all who come in contact with Chick-fil-A."

Manners, for one thing.

 

[Sam Gamgee]

I sometimes need to make phone calls in my line of work, and more than once I've had a person pick up whilst using the commode. Both men and women. Surely he or she must know that I hear what is there to be heard (including the flush at the end)? So long as they cannot see my face, they feel no shame.

Yep, "business on the bowl" is a thing these days too. It's always fun at work when I get to hear someone's conversation from the next stall. Not long ago I got hear some fellow getting his girl all ready for their upcoming date (between nature sounds).

 

[Sam Gamgee]

I will consider this.

Cant help to beat this horse, though. The debate sparks my mind other languages like spanish and french, where I was primarily taught to say 'de nada' or 'de rien' meaning 'its nothing'. Seems fairly synomous with our 'no problem'.

Ok, speaking of French, try "ma femme" for "my wife" and see how that translates in the American mind, since it literally means "my woman."

 

[Sam Gamgee]

I completely agree with your sentiments.

As far as manners go, I almost don't enjoy interacting with people anymore because it's gotten so bad. Everyone is apathetic and rude, and when you get someone who is actually kind and sociable, it seems to be the exception to the rule.

Things have definitely deteriorated on a ‘dress’ level as well. Pajama bottoms seem to be a norm when going out. Nothing is "special" anymore. Even going to nice restaurants, you'll find people who just don't care to take the time to dress nice and make an event out of it.

My wife and I recently went to her company’s 30th anniversary celebration. It was planned for over a year. It was going to be a formal event - fancy dinner, entertainment, the works. People had to fly in from all over to attend. We ourselves had to drive two hours from where we live to the resort town that it was held at. And you know what? There were STILL people wearing t-shirts and jeans at the dinner. We couldn’t believe it. At least we felt like we looked pretty good in what we were wearing… but still. People just don’t care anymore and it’s disappointing.

I was chided somewhat recently for wearing a sport coat to a funeral (by a member of the deceased person's family).

 

[mortonbriar]

I TRY not to have specific standards for others to adhere to...but I still find myself judging and ranting a lot. I think there is a general baseline of courtesy that has plummeted for sure.

 

[bobomatic]

I went into a big name bank the other day to take care of some estate things for my mom. Long story short, this young woman in her mid 20s acted like we we're inconveniencing her, apparently I was asking stupid questions. She wouldn't even look me in the eye. She was dismissive and rude. I wanted to close the account right then and there, but my elderly mom kept me in check. I'm usually a laid back, "let it go..." "go with the flow" kinda guy, but this instance, just really got to me. Back in the day, I can't imagine something like that happening.

 

[K.E. Powell]

I am younger than the average poster here, but am surprised at the disdain for certain responses to 'thank you'. I've used all sorts of replies never realized that some were frowned upon. To me it would seem that the tone and body language would have much more significant impact on whether I come back with a 'no problem', 'of course', 'anytime, brother', or 'your welcome'

I wonder how many people I've pissed off

It's unfortunate, but some people are utterly determined to live through life being confused and feeling slighted (or finding reasons to feel slighted, at any rate). For some of the older generations in particular, many changes in culture and language are at odds with their own sense of values, so to them at least, every missed "thank you" must be a harbinger of incoming societal decline. With such people, there is no real way to satisfy them. As you pointed out, being respectful and polite isn't enough: you must say the right words, at the right time, and at the right level of enthusiasm, or you will piss them off. Not all are like this, of course. But those that are, are. As young people say, "It is what it is."

It's just something that seems to come with age for a lot of people, especially men. I don't know why. But it was true in Plato's time, and it is true in ours. When we get in our golden years, we'll probably exhibit similar eccentricities, crying about our grandkids and their robot girlfriends or some such nonsense.

 

[Sam Gamgee]

It's unfortunate, but some people are utterly determined to live through life being confused and feeling slighted (or finding reasons to feel slighted, at any rate). For some of the older generations in particular, many changes in culture and language are at odds with their own sense of values, so to them at least, every missed "thank you" must be a harbinger of incoming societal decline. With such people, there is no real way to satisfy them. As you pointed out, being respectful and polite isn't enough: you must say the right words, at the right time, and at the right level of enthusiasm, or you will piss them off. Not all are like this, of course. But those that are, are. As young people say, "It is what it is."

Oh yeah, only older folks have this tendency. Not like those younger folks who blow a gasket when you ID their gender incorrectly. That's not unreasonable at all.

 

[gubbyduffer]

The masking and “social distancing” of the plandemic succeeded at their designed intent of depersonalizing individuals and their interactions.
Masses are easier to bamboozle when they have been trained to fear contact with fellows.
It’s gotten better, but common consideration, communication, respect and pleasantries have suffered.
I’m afraid the idea that pajamas are ok out and about is here to stay, especially when you see teachers and students dressed as such.
I’m pretty sure we’re at the “weak men make bad times” part of the cycle, and the deck is stacking against those that would rise up as strong men to make good times…

What a crock of shite. The intention of social distancing was not for the reason you think it was.
I also bet you haven't seen many teachers out and about in pyjamas.
I see many posts about teachers somehow being the bad people, dulluting the otherwise fine upstanding morals of our youth. It's used as a getout clause for piss poor parenting.
If you are a parent or care givers perhaps look at yourselves if you find the younger generation lacking.
I bet every generation complains about the lack of manners of the next. Are we all boring old farts?
I hope everyone had a good Christmas though. I got my wife one of those new microwave oven thingies. She is getting a bit uppity though, as she want out of the kitchen. Here's a pic from our Christmas dinner. Note the tie.

 

[Servant King]

Maybe if retail employees were actually paid enough to live on, they'd give a damn and show up to work looking presentable.

Or, perhaps, if employees actually gave a damn and showed up to work (on-time and) looking presentable, they just might earn enough to live on. It seems to me this can cut both ways.

Yep, looks like a classic chicken-or-the-egg to me.