Anal Fissure

[Zero]

This reminds me of a time when the Beat poet, Allen Ginsberg hit on me. I had heard he was into Asians, but didn’t think much of it at the time.

Many years ago, I attended an event at the St. Mark’s Church-in-the-Bowery where Allen Ginsberg was doing a reading. I had a 1st edition copy of Howl: Original Draft Facsimile, Transcript & Variant Versions, Fully Annotated by Author, with Contemporaneous Correspondence, Account of First Public Reading, Legal Skirmishes, Precursor Texts & Bibliography that I wanted to have Ginsberg inscribe to me. I also had a book from my Quentin Crisp collection—Quentin Crisp’s Book of Quotations: 1000 Observations on Life and Love by, for, and about Gay Men and Women that I had been having various authors and celebrities with quotations in the book sign for me—Ginsberg had a contribution in this tome and I wanted to have him sign this as well. I might’ve had one or two other books with me. Quentin Crisp was a gay icon. After I saw the TV movie of The Naked Civil Servant starring John Hurt as Crisp when I was in high school, I was impressed by the courage and bravery of the man. Years later I began collecting his books and had the pleasure of dining with him several times. He was incredibly charming and had a soothing voice that was like a campfire that you wanted to sit next to; he was a very stylish little old man that I was glad to have met. Hell, Sting wrote a song about the man.

Anyway, at this poetry reading event, Ginsberg talked about his anal fissures and read his poem, “Sphincter.” He read a number of other poems. After the reading, he was holding court in the middle of the room, talking to various people and saying how he “needed to be the center of attention.” I approached him and asked if he would inscribe some books for me. He lit up and suggested we go over to the bleachers off to the side. He sat on a slightly lower tier and asked me my name. I told him and he began to inscribe the facsimile edition of “Howl.” He took the time to do a drawing (a flower with the word “AH” as he commonly did for people). As Ginsberg was finishing up signing the Quentin Crisp quotation book by his entry, he slowly and casually said, “So ... are you gay or something?” and looked up at me over his shoulder. I told him I wasn’t. He slammed the book shut and with indignation blurted out, “Well, those are some funny books to have!” He pushed the books at me, got up, and stormed off.

I've had a few older doctors in the military shake my hand after an appointment and do this weird deliberate finger flick in the palm of my hand. I found it odd and thought maybe it was some sort of Masonic handshake...turns out that it meant that they were gay and wanted to have sex (one explanation that I found looking it up anyways). I'm still not quite sure or positive if that's what it means...

 

[wolflarsen]

I'm in full agreement with the "unless attending a death metal concert" comment.
It reminds me of this little diddy by Canibal Corpse ... Meathook Sodomy.
The intro is a little long so I recommend skipping to 1:35 or so if you want to get a feel for the melody.

 

[brian64]

Unless attending a Death Metal Concert, these are two words no self-respecting person ever wants to hear.

As if I needed another reason to never attend a death metal concert.

 

[anotherbob]

Unless attending a Death Metal Concert, these are two words no self-respecting person ever wants to hear.

I remember having people in the medical industry tell me that proctologists are the busiest doctors in the country. I didn't believe them. Then in the first month of being a janitor (and making more money with less stress by the way) I thought yeah butt problems are way more common then I thought.
Seriously I've thought way more then I thought I ever would the thought "I hope this persons doctor knows what's coming out of them".
Long story short a lot more people have probably heard Anal Fissure then most of us would think.

 

[wolflarsen]

As if I needed another reason to never attend a death metal concert.

The good news is that these days you don't need to attend. You can enjoy Anal Fissure's live performance right from the comfort of you own living room via youtube.

 

[OzPiper]

Two doctors playing golf.

The proctologist reaches into his pocket for a pen to mark his card but finds a rectal thermometer instead.

“Damn, some asshole’s got my pen”

 

[brian64]

Two doctors playing golf.

The proctologist reaches into his pocket for a pen to mark his card but finds a rectal thermometer instead.

“Damn, some asshole’s got my pen”

Better a pen than corkscrew pasta.

 

[Sobrbiker]

Pictures, or it never happened.

ummm……yeah, no

 

[El Capitán]

I've had a few older doctors in the military shake my hand after an appointment and do this weird deliberate finger flick in the palm of my hand. I found it odd and thought maybe it was some sort of Masonic handshake...turns out that it meant that they were gay and wanted to have sex (one explanation that I found looking it up anyways). I'm still not quite sure or positive if that's what it means...

Yeah that's what it means. Prison signal as well.

 

[sardonicus87]

One way to help prevent these kinds of problems, as well as others like diverticulitis, is to put a foot stool in front of the toilet. When you do your business, put your feet on the stool and get those knees up.

 

[edger]

I've had a few older doctors in the military shake my hand after an appointment and do this weird deliberate finger flick in the palm of my hand. I found it odd and thought maybe it was some sort of Masonic handshake...turns out that it meant that they were gay and wanted to have sex (one explanation that I found looking it up anyways). I'm still not quite sure or positive if that's what it means...

Sounds like he was anal fishing.

 

[Searock Fan]

Come on! Shouldn't this be in the "General Discussion" forum?

 

[huntertrw]

There's anal fissure, and then there's Anal Johnson of Blazing Saddles fame:

 

[gamzultovah]

Funny thing happened on the way to Pipesmagazine…

 

[sablebrush52]

This is a fancy way of saying cracked crack.

Definitely stay hydrated. Eat your roughage. It's no fun trying to drop granite.

 

[trouttimes]

Wow! I thought this thread was going to be about a pipe repair. Come to think of it, it is about a pipe repair.

 

[Doctor Chopper]

What do you want to know?

I see this almost every day. I see plenty of assholes every day at work and a few on the forum.

 

[macaroni]

You don't want that to abscess. Trust me on this.

And to make matters worse. Adding too much baking soda only burns your "yard" and all other sensitive hinderparts. Compounds the original problem. Ouch.