On my 18th birthday I walked into a tobacconist's shop and walked back out with a pipe, just because I could.
Two years later, while at college, I walked into a drug store and bought an ounce and a half of Prince Albert which I proceeded to smoke over the course of about a year.
That pattern continued, moving on to aromatic blends from a local brick and mortar, for the next several years. I basically only remembered that I had a pipe after I ran across someone else smoking one, and then I would pull it out, smoke it for a week or two, then forget about it for a few months.
Last year the insurance we get through work raised the premiums on "Smokers" by $30 a month compared to "Non-Smokers" and I paid it no mind at all, as I'd never really considered myself to be a smoker.
Now, they have sent us notice that we are to "certify" that we are non-smokers, and that if our status changes we are to update it immediately. Now, I got to wondering what exactly constituted a "Smoker" since I was going to have to sign this form certifying that I wasn't a smoker, and you just know that this is exactly the kind of thing an insurance company would use to deny you coverage in case of a burst appendix or something.
I read up on it, and I eventually found a place on the provider's website where they define a "Smoker" as someone who has used tobacco products more than 5 times in the preceding 3 months. The problem is, I recently (as in April 5th), bought myself a couple of new pipes which I decided I should try out with some non-aromatic tobaccos I picked out with the help of this very forum. I have to say I've been very happy with the new pipes and with the new tobaccos, and I've learned more about how to actually enjoy smoking in the past month than in the preceding 13 years.
Now, I didn't keep count of how many bowls of tobacco I smoked (because who does that?), but I feel pretty confident that it might be as many as 10. An astronomical number to be sure. Basically, I'll smoke a pipe if it's a Friday evening between about 6:30pm and 8pm, Saturday afternoon, or Sunday afternoon, and I don't have any plans for that day, and I don't have company over, and the weather is nice and I feel like sitting on my back porch swing. In other words, I don't even smoke a pipe every week, but I might smoke two or three in a day if the stars aline.
I think it's pretty clear that I technically fall under their definition of a "Smoker," at least for this three-month period, but I'm having trouble coming to grips with the arbitrary nature of it. I've never really considered myself to be a smoker as such, not that I have anything against them. I wouldn't even really mind paying the $30 a month, except I can't help but feel a bit of outrage that I'm being lumped in with people like my boss who smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. I mean, first of all it's a pipe and I don't inhale, and second, it's absurd how little I even do smoke it.
I ride a bicycle to and from work, and I probably inhale more toxic fumes from sitting in traffic at stop lights than I will EVER get from my smoking, and my best friend is a cigarette smoker who I allow to smoke in my house, and who I sit next to at the bar every now and again. I get more smoke from his cigarettes than I do from my smoking!
As I see it I have three options:
1) "Lie" on the form and restrict myself henceforth to no more than 5 "uses" of tobacco per three-month period. And let's not get started on how they count what a "use" is. If it goes out and I have to re-light is that another "use?" What if I let it go out, and then come back hours later (or tomorrow?) and finish it? What if the pipe I'm smoking is a group 1? What if it's a Peterson House Pipe?
2) "Lie" on the form and continue smoking whenever I damn well please.
3) "Tell the Truth" (which seems like a lie to me) and make a point of smoking the smelliest English blend I can find right outside the HR manager's window twice a day every day from now on.
Two years later, while at college, I walked into a drug store and bought an ounce and a half of Prince Albert which I proceeded to smoke over the course of about a year.
That pattern continued, moving on to aromatic blends from a local brick and mortar, for the next several years. I basically only remembered that I had a pipe after I ran across someone else smoking one, and then I would pull it out, smoke it for a week or two, then forget about it for a few months.
Last year the insurance we get through work raised the premiums on "Smokers" by $30 a month compared to "Non-Smokers" and I paid it no mind at all, as I'd never really considered myself to be a smoker.
Now, they have sent us notice that we are to "certify" that we are non-smokers, and that if our status changes we are to update it immediately. Now, I got to wondering what exactly constituted a "Smoker" since I was going to have to sign this form certifying that I wasn't a smoker, and you just know that this is exactly the kind of thing an insurance company would use to deny you coverage in case of a burst appendix or something.
I read up on it, and I eventually found a place on the provider's website where they define a "Smoker" as someone who has used tobacco products more than 5 times in the preceding 3 months. The problem is, I recently (as in April 5th), bought myself a couple of new pipes which I decided I should try out with some non-aromatic tobaccos I picked out with the help of this very forum. I have to say I've been very happy with the new pipes and with the new tobaccos, and I've learned more about how to actually enjoy smoking in the past month than in the preceding 13 years.
Now, I didn't keep count of how many bowls of tobacco I smoked (because who does that?), but I feel pretty confident that it might be as many as 10. An astronomical number to be sure. Basically, I'll smoke a pipe if it's a Friday evening between about 6:30pm and 8pm, Saturday afternoon, or Sunday afternoon, and I don't have any plans for that day, and I don't have company over, and the weather is nice and I feel like sitting on my back porch swing. In other words, I don't even smoke a pipe every week, but I might smoke two or three in a day if the stars aline.
I think it's pretty clear that I technically fall under their definition of a "Smoker," at least for this three-month period, but I'm having trouble coming to grips with the arbitrary nature of it. I've never really considered myself to be a smoker as such, not that I have anything against them. I wouldn't even really mind paying the $30 a month, except I can't help but feel a bit of outrage that I'm being lumped in with people like my boss who smoke a pack of cigarettes a day. I mean, first of all it's a pipe and I don't inhale, and second, it's absurd how little I even do smoke it.
I ride a bicycle to and from work, and I probably inhale more toxic fumes from sitting in traffic at stop lights than I will EVER get from my smoking, and my best friend is a cigarette smoker who I allow to smoke in my house, and who I sit next to at the bar every now and again. I get more smoke from his cigarettes than I do from my smoking!
As I see it I have three options:
1) "Lie" on the form and restrict myself henceforth to no more than 5 "uses" of tobacco per three-month period. And let's not get started on how they count what a "use" is. If it goes out and I have to re-light is that another "use?" What if I let it go out, and then come back hours later (or tomorrow?) and finish it? What if the pipe I'm smoking is a group 1? What if it's a Peterson House Pipe?
2) "Lie" on the form and continue smoking whenever I damn well please.
3) "Tell the Truth" (which seems like a lie to me) and make a point of smoking the smelliest English blend I can find right outside the HR manager's window twice a day every day from now on.
