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tbradsim1

Lifer
Jan 14, 2012
9,419
13,311
Southwest Louisiana
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A store that sells new husbands has opened in Melbourne , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:
You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sexo
The second floor has wives that love sex, have money and like beer
The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

 

frank13

Can't Leave
Oct 5, 2014
410
2
Bakersfield, CA
Thor, the god of thunder, goes to a singles bar and ends up spending the night with a beautiful woman with a lisp. They have energetic sex many times, all night long. The next morning, he decides to reveal his true identity: "I'm Thor!"
The woman replies: "You're thor?! I'm tho thor I can hardly pith!"

 

frank13

Can't Leave
Oct 5, 2014
410
2
Bakersfield, CA
One day an old couple went on a vacation . They were driving out of state and as they entered Texas, they were pulled over by a trooper for speeding.
The trooper walked up to the window and said "Good morning, sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?"
The old lady asks, "What did he say?"
The old man says, "Shut up. He wants to know why he pulled us over," and then responds to the trooper, "No. Why?"
The trooper says "You were speeding. Let me see your license, please."
The old lady asks, "What did he say?"

The old man says, "Shut up. He wants my license."
The old man hands the trooper his license and the the trooper says, "Ah, California... I got the worst piece of ass I ever had from a woman from California!"
The old lady asks, "What did he say?"
The old man says, "Shut up. He knows you."

 

frank13

Can't Leave
Oct 5, 2014
410
2
Bakersfield, CA
So there was an old cowboy who ties his horse to the hitching post, walks around behind it, lifts the horse's tail, and plants a big ol' fat kiss right on the horse's butthole.
Another cowboy walks past and exclaims, "What are you doing?!"
First cowboy replies, "I got chapped lips."
The other cowboy asks, "Does that help?!"
First cowboy says, "Well, it shore keeps me from lickin' 'em!"

 
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