A Great Smoker From The Pipe's Point Of View

[sablebrush52]

Over the years many have described what characteristics they think make for a great smoking pipe. But has anyone ever considered what, if it were possible, a pipe might have to say about what characteristics it thinks make for a great pipe smoker?
For example, when asked, a pipe might say, "Well, I wish my smoker wouldn't go about bashing me on the heel of his shoes, or a concrete wall. And I really wish he wouldn't use that cigar blowtorch on me, the schmuck."
And, yes, I'm aware that pipes aren't sentient, but then again, that's equally true about a lot of people. So if you can enter into the spirit of this exercise in lateral thinking, give it a shot. From the pipe's point of view, what makes for a good smoker?

 

[bluegrassbrian]

A pretty mouth.

 

[voorhees]

/ :rofl:

 

[anthonyrosenthal74]

I hate how he constantly moves his lips around my stem... It's kind of slobbery, and creepy. And makes me feel uncomfortable 8O

 

[hoosierpipeguy]

I wish the guy smoking me would puff at a slower pace so I wouldn't get all hot and sweaty. And I wish he'd clean me better after each smoke so I wouldn't have all that stinky ash on my skin.
Good thread. I suspect if pipes could in fact talk, what they'd prefer from the smoker would lead to the best smoking experience.

 

[smittyd]

I wish he would clean my under-carriage once and awhile.

 

[smokeyweb]

"I hate being rode hard and put away wet."

 

[cosmicfolklore]

This guy sucks

 

[prairiedruid]

I like it when he puts protection on my tip otherwise his teeth really hurt; damn near chews on me sometimes.

 

[cortezattic]

...resisting a Freudian reference to pipe cleaner technique.

 

[jaytex1969]

He stands me in the corner with all his others and ignores me most of the time.
Then, in maniacal fits, he grabs me up and forces me to pleasure him repeatedly.
Then he jams a cleaner through the works and tosses me back on the rack, to be ignored again.
Learning way more than we wish to about one another.... :lol:

 

[sablebrush52]

...resisting a Freudian reference to pipe cleaner technique.

Oh go ahead. You know you want to!

 

[cigrmaster]

All my pipes love me. They are coddled and cared for. Each one gets a thorough cleaning after every use. They all have a comfy place to rest and not a one gets smoked more than once a day and then each one gets at least a 24-48 hour rest before they go back into action. They are smoked cool and rarely get hot. I never bang them on anything hard. They get tapped gently on a cork knocker anytime I need to dump tobacco. They really appreciate that fact.
Anytime I am looking at my pipes deciding which one to smoke, they all jump up and down yelling pick me pick me.

 

[seacaptain]

Hey Mr. Lakeland lover, why don't you put some mothballs in your mouth and set them on fire and leave me alone.

 

[npod]

Give me a little cake and go slow and I’ll take you to Nirvana.

 

[npod]

Give me a little cake and go slow and I’ll take you to Nirvana. You don’t need honey.

 

[indianafrank]

I hate the biting and chewing. What a cannibal!

 

[agnosticpipe]

I want to be treated with respect, and not have to wait a long time for him to call me again!

 

[dottiewarden]

I'm too fine for your goopy aromatics, stinky Latakias and soapy Lakelands.

 

[rmpeeps]

He never talks to me.