Tobaccos and Reviews I’d Like to See
-
Kevin Godbee - Jun 3, 2015
- 4 min read
Marshall "Butch" Armstrong
I’m sure we have all read tobacco reviews, as well as wine and beer reviews. Pipes Magazine posts some great ones that I know I have benefited from. This is where I learned about Bosphorus Cruise, which I love. Most of the reviews I have read here have been down to earth and make sense when you read them. But haven’t we all read reviews that were pretentious at best. Reviews that told us our wine should taste like bacon and our tobacco like bramble. Bramble? Who knows what bramble tastes like? And how do you get bacon flavored wine? Can they really taste those things?
Now I like to drink stout. And most stout has a coffeeish flavor due to the roasted barley. So when I read a review of a stout and the reviewer mentions coffee flavor, I know what they’re talking about. But when I read “notes of roasted meat and mush-roomy earth,” I start to wonder how many beers this reviewer has had. I also like wine, but most, if not all the wine I have had has had some type of fruit flavor as opposed to “grass” or “honey drizzled banana.” Also the names of tobacco and wine and beer are meant to attract us to the product. Names like “Taste of Autumn,” or “Sexual Chocolate,” give us an impression of what to expect when smoking or drinking. But really, a wine called “Sexual Chocolate” is meant for a certain target consumer. Can you imagine a farmer coming home from a long day in the tractor seat and enjoying a glass of Sexual Chocolate? Or the “Taste of Autumn” pipe tobacco. Autumn is reminiscent of turning leaves and campfires, but maybe that’s not your thing. So that name and taste wouldn’t be attractive to you.
This got me thinking about names and reviews of pipe tobacco I’d like to see. Certain types of consumers are completely left out of the picture when companies go fishing for buyers for their products. And speaking of fishing, I like to fish. So how about a pipe tobacco called “Feelin’ Bassy” with notes of forgotten bait, fresh wax worm and gas fumes. For the hunter we have “Autumn Musk,” with aromas of freshly gutted deer and dried goose droppings with a turkey feather mouth feel. And here’s a wine for the Equestrian called “Lame Nanny,” with notes of old horse blanket and sparrows nest “teasing provocatively on the nose.”
For those who like tongue bite there’s “Mud Dauber” pipe tobacco. “Stings like a wasp!” For the aforementioned farmer we have “Old Barn” pipe tobacco. “Reminiscent of days on the farm with the full bold aroma of hoof scrapings and corn husk.” Anyone who works out knows the sweet smells of old gym socks and used towels, am I right? So the tobacco for you is “Five O’clock Sweat,” with the “locker room finish on each and every puff.” And for our pipe makers out there we have “Morning Wood,” with notes of burned sandpaper and leather dye and a briar shavings mouth feel! For our pipe smokers who really aren’t interested in anything but smoking we have, “Bowl Cake,” with a room note of used ashtray and a sulfur match finish. Moving on, we cannot forget our highway workers and so we have a special tobacco appropriately named “Bituminous Nights.” For those workers who can’t leave the job when they go home, it has notes of, fresh tar, 100 degree 12 hour days, and an old work boot finish. Amazing! For the office workers we have “Leather Desk Chair.” “With a room note of liquid paper and a mouth feel of pencil shavings and worn out leather, you’ll feel like you never left work!”
For our Winter ice fishing enthusiasts we should have “Frozen Foot,” pipe tobacco. With an ice fishing shack room note of propane fumes and a fish scale mouth feel. Yum! For dog groomers there is, “Canine Delight” A room note of old dog hair and a mouth feel of whatever the last customer rolled in. “A delight to the senses!” And last, but certainly not least, there is, “Italian Restaurant.” With notes of bread dough and garlic and an onion finish on the palette.
Now I know I’ve been having some fun here at pipe tobacco reviewers expense, and really, most reviewers are pretty good at telling us what a tobacco will taste like. But when reading reviews I’ve always wondered how unappealing a review would seem if you didn’t like the tastes and smells being described. And maybe you like some smells and tastes not always enjoyed by others. Like motor oil, or freshly cleaned barn. Wouldn’t it be great to have a tobacco smell and taste like some of the other things you enjoy? Especially if you really enjoy your work. Although there are some jobs like mine, with smells that I don’t think anyone wants to think about, let alone taste. So I apologize to the reviewers and I hope you have a sense of humor. And above all, keep doing the fine work you do.
|
Marshall Lee Armstrong enjoys camping, fly fishing, kayaking, painting, drumming and writing. He has published two books of poetry and writes a blog called "The Window". He is 58-years old, and has worked as a Rock Band Drummer, Electroplater, Chemical Process Technician, and Circuitry Manufacturing Supervisor. He is currently a Medical Lab Technician. He started smoking pipes in 1980. |
Written by Kevin Godbee
16 Responses
Smokingpipes.com Updates
12 Fresh Barling Pipes |
New Cigars |
36 Fresh AKB Meerschaum Pipes |
24 Fresh Genod Pipes |
96 Fresh Peterson Pipes |
Recent Posts
Recently, on the Pipes Magazine Forums, a user asked an open question about the Rattray’s Grand Lighter. I had not used or spent much time looking into those, so I thought it would be a good time to pick one up and do a review of it. When I do my lighter reviews, I generally like to do some deep digging and get in touch with the manufacturers such as IM Corona (Old Boy) or Tsutobo (Peterson, Kiribi), but in this case, there is scarce information available. Rattrays is distributed in the US by Sutliff, and you’ll find their lighters on SmokingPipes.com and other great retailers. I pinged Jeremy over at Sutliff to help me get in touch with the folks at Rattrays/Kopp and he got me connected to Oliver Kopp who was able to answer a few of my more detailed questions. The lighter that I chose to review is the Rattray’s Grand “Squares” lighter, which features a square line design on a highly polished stainless steel lighter. The Grand lighter was introduced about three years ago, and the Bel lighter was released about five years ago for context. It features a 45-degree soft flame, which helps (but not completely) keep build-up off the striker wheel – a problem that seems to plague my other lighters. These lighters fall square in the same competitive market of the Old Boy and the Kiribi, with a retail price of around $105 to $120. Some of their other lighters, like the Bel, retail for slightly less, around $82. Unboxing, you can see a few provided flints, which, upon inspection, are very similar to zippo flints if you’re looking for future replacements. The box contains instructions and warranty information and has silver foil inlaid text and decoration. Rattray’s states that their lighters are designed by them in Germany. But until I received it, I had no idea where it was actually made—China. That said, Oliver tells me that the Bel lighter is the same lighter used for Pierre Cardin and that the manufacturer they chose to go with also manufactures the Dupont Jet lighters. On the bottom of the lighter is a flip-up cover with Rattray’s name etched into it, which protects the refill valve and adjustment screws. The cover, though, you can see by the pictures, is less finished and does not quite feel as quality as one would expect for a $100+ lighter. But I do appreciate the cover. Zooming in, you can see the butane nozzle is angled out to the left from the spark wheel. The top flint section slides back on a spring load, but I warn you the tiny mechanism on the side is a bit of a pain to release the catch holding it back. But this feature is unique in that you can visually always see how much of the flint is left for when you have to replace it. That’s right, there’s no need to unscrew something; just slide the bar back, it locks into place, and then drop the new flint in. You need to put your fingernail between the thumbslide and the tiny metal catch, and the thumbslide will slide back into place. If you don’t do this, the top will not close. You can also see in this picture where the flame hits the metal area, which can be wiped away, but it’s due to the shorter nozzle. The lighter features a long “ignition” wheel, which is great for guys with big thumbs. It rotates quite easily and sparks well. I find that the lighter is taller than many other lighters and a bit slimmer at 2.76 in. / 70.21 mm in height and 0.39 in. / 10.07 mm in width. It weighs about 2.6 oz or 73ish grams. On the front-facing side it has the Rattray’s logo on the bottom right corner. It produces a nice soft flame that works like a champ to light your favorite tobacco. The internal tank is a plastic tank, but this is very common in many new lighters manufactured today. Before Rattrays introduces a new lighter, they actually send it (the prototype) to the repair shop that they use for all warranty services to review the lighter and make sure that it’s of high quality. Oliver tells me the return/repair rate for all of their lighters is low, and that is also because they concentrate on flint-style lighters as they are considerably more reliable than the electro-jet flames. The official repair center for these lighters is located here. Vintage Styling Now let’s talk about inspiration because the first thing one of my pipe club members said when I showed him the lighter was, “Wow, that looks like a Dupont.” As mentioned earlier, it’s the same manufacturer that makes one of the lines for Dupont as well as Pierre Cardin, so you can assume some shared styling. Borrowing ideas for lighters is nothing new; the “Old Boy” was originally a Dunhill lighter style. But when thinking about styling, we also look at the name – Dupont has a lighter named “Le Grand.” The Le Grand features both a soft flame and a torch flame for use with pipes and cigars. Now, price-wise, an ST Dupont lighter will set you back $1,500 and is geared squarely toward the luxury gentlemen’s market. That said, S.T. Dupont lighters have been around since the 1940s and are as much of a jewelry piece as it is lighter. When flipping the cap of most of the Dupont lighters, you get this resonating “ping” sound that is synonymous with them, and unfortunately, the Rattray’s Grand does not emit that type of sound. Kirby Allison did a great review of many of the ST Dupont lighters here, and its quite possible you will see a review from me at some point covering the best Dupont lighters for pipes and including some buying tips on the used and new market. In Summary There are some pros and cons to […]
Welcome to The Pipes Magazine Radio Show Episode 575. We have a special show tonight to celebrate the start of our 12th year. In lieu of an interview, Brian will be joined by another popular pipe podcast host – Jon David Cole. JD is the Owner/Tobacconist at The Country Squire in Jackson, MS, and he is the former co-host of the now discontinued podcast, Country Squire Radio. Country Squire Radio ran for 10-years and is still one of the most popular pipe-niche podcasts. Having these two pipe and tobacco brainiacs bouncing off of each other for over 45-minutes will be a blast. We will be preempting our usual first segment to start right off with JD. We will have the usual music, mailbag and rant at the end of the show.
Welcome to The Pipes Magazine Radio Show Episode 574! Our featured interview tonight is with Michael DiCuccio. Michael is the President of TinBids.com, “The Pipe Collector’s Auction Site” where you can buy and sell vintage and rare tobacco tins, tobaccos, pipes and accessories. He has been collecting for over 30-years, and has a personal pipe collection of over 1,100 pipes. Michael also has his own IT company and is a self-proclaimed “computer geek”. At the top of the show we’ll get caught up on a backlog of emails and messages from our listeners with some great questions and comments. We will still have our regular mailbag segment at the end of the show as well.
Welcome to The Pipes Magazine Radio Show Episode 573! Our featured interview tonight is with J.B. “Brandon” Frady. Brandon is a new pipe maker making the Ash Cooper line of pipes which just launched earlier this year. His pipes are freehand and artistic shapes and designs. He is also a freelance writer for any type of project, but has been published for music reviews, concert reviews, and a single anomalous video game review, and other writings in a couple dozen professional publications. His full time job is with State Farm Insurance. At the top of the show we will have an Ask the Tobacco Blender segment with Jeremy Reeves. Jeremy is the Head Blender at Cornell & Diehl, which is one of the most popular boutique pipe tobacco companies in the USA.
I’ve never owned a four-square billiard. I’ve had plenty of pipes with paneled sides, but this venerable classic has always eluded me. Truth told, I’d always considered it something of a remedial shape, a pipe to be made when a conventional billiard exhibited too many flaws, or when the lines went wrong. And, I considered them too “simple.” For as long as I’ve been smoking pipes, this quaint but cunning shape has held little interest. Then, something conspired to disabuse me of my prejudices all at once. One day, a few months ago, an Instagram friend taunted me with photos of a beautiful example of the shape that he’d just gotten. I was instantly smitten. Then he showed another. And another. As I looked at his photos, I saw things in the shape I’d never really noticed, sending me down the rabbit hole to look at hundreds of photos of as many examples I could find. It turns out it’s far from the simple shape I’d thought it to be, but rather one that’s clearly challenging to execute well. While it shares the overall profile and proportions of a conventional billiard, including the slight forward cant of the bowl, those panels have to be even, perfectly square, and, importantly, must not destroy the balance of the shape. If the bowl doesn’t have that very slight forward tilt, it looks like it’s falling backwards. Too much tilt, and it’s just weird. If the panels are cut too deeply, the walls could become too thin, and at its worst, it makes the thing look like a cube on a stick. The cut and gentle curvature of the four vertices are as important as the panels themselves. The shank, too, must be carefully and consistently square along its length, as must the taper of the stem. Though based on the classic billiard, it became clear looking at Frank’s pipes, and so many others, that if it’s going to be successfully executed, the pipe maker has to start out with the four-square in mind, rather than using the shape to “fix” a billiard gone wrong. As a bonus, the panels and facets exhibit the briar’s grain in a unique and interesting way. There’s also the practicality of the shape; the bowl has good capacity coupled with light weight. I had to have one, and so began my quest. A Dunhill EK would be nice, but finding one in good shape that wasn’t more than I was willing to spend turned out to be something of a fool’s errand. I went looking for a more modest example, maybe something French. After weeks of searching, I came across a “shop pipe” stamped for Garfinkel’s, an old Washington DC tobacconist that has always held deep significance to me. In the 1980s, a friend in our local pipe community introduced me to Garfinkel’s by way of their magnificent Orient Express #11 mixture. Produced for them by Sobranie, to this day I consider it the finest example of genre ever created. The balance of Virginias, orientals and Latakia were absolute perfection, resulting in a rich, complex and always fascinating tobacco. I started buying a pound of it every month, eight 2oz tins, until the tragic day when Larry Garfinkel called me to ask if he could send me two pounds that month. “Sure, Larry. Why?” It was his last two pounds. It was this tobacco that was the most significant inspiration on my own blending journey. I have no idea what magic was performed to make it so special, but it was, and it is. Garfinkel’s may be gone, but the memories linger. There were other spectacular blends in the Garfinkel’s catalogue, including a range made my Robert McConnell. The Olde Scottish Cut Cake #6 seen in the photos was another special one. In those days, I wasn’t much interested in Virginias, so I never explored them very deeply, but if I had, I would have squirreled away a lot more of this one, too. This is the last of only a few tins I’ve had over the years. And then there was Shottery, Armon, Ridgeway and Marlowe. I wish I had many tins of all of them. I digress. This Garfinkel’s four-square seemed perfect, a bit of serendipity, and it was made in France. I got the pipe for a good price, and waited for its arrival. When the package reached me, I tore into it quickly; my enthusiasm instantly collapsed when I got to the pipe itself. The pipe was covered with flaking and blistered shellac, and wore a bit of road rash from careless handling. The panels, while cut fairly evenly, were not flat, but comically concave. The top was badly scratched, and the stem was crusty, dull, and in need of serious restoration. Perhaps worse was the condition of the airway. Ironically, though the bowl had been reamed almost to bare wood, I don’t think the thing had ever seen a pipe cleaner, and it was tough work just to get a thin one through it. And, it wasn’t just the shank – even the stem was heavily caked with thick, tarry goop. The wretched stench, too, from ages of cheap aromatic tobacco was epic. But, there were no visible fills, the overall size, shape and proportions were good, and under the years of grunge, there might be some pretty nice wood hiding. Time to get to work. It took a lot of alcohol, and dozens of pipe cleaners to get the airway clean. The drilling through the shank was okay, but it was very tight through the stem, so a little blueprinting was in order, funneling the tenon, smoothing out the transitions, and opening things up to a more consistent cross section. The shellac had to go. Since the pipe was destined to be completely refinished, I sanded the whole pipe smooth, spending a little extra time on the scratched and chafed top and ensuring that the stem and shank were well mated. […]
This is the fun time of the year, methinks. Major League Baseball is winding down into its playoff madness when the Boys of Summer become the Boys of October. High school football warms up those chilly stands under Friday Night Lights. Nothing quite matches this slice of Americana. Then college football’s television spectacle on Saturdays takes over the mania button on the remote. Ah, yes, these magical Saturdays of gridiron wonder. Thank the lords of sports that we can discard for a time recent diversions. Well, sort of, weather permitting. And then, by Jove, we arrive at what the Pundit describes as “Pull up a chair, kick off the shoes, light a pipe, and open your favorite adult beverage. It’s football time in America with a dash of baseball wrapping around the keystone event of the sports seasons, The World Series!” And just so you know, the Pundit was once a hard-working pipe-smoking sports writer in the press box high above the fields of play. Puffing away and typing furiously on a portable typewriter (a what?). Yes, there were many jokes about my pipe whilst my colleagues smoked cigarettes continuously. “That pipe stinks. What are you smoking in that thing?” I heard that enough times to give me a nervous twitch and delusions. But dare I say, some of sports greatest minds were puffers of the grand aged leaf. Think of Billy Martin on and off with the New York Yankees as a player and manager. Captain Black if you please. And another baseball superstar, Sparky Anderson, smoked his pipe even in the dugout. He skippered the Cincinnati Reds and Detroit Tigers, winning championships with both teams. This time of the year always puts me in a mood of contemplation. Sports, yes sir, and of our championship pipe makers worldwide, as well as those special tobacco blends that seem to arrive around now. It takes a champion-like spirit to harness oneself to the tools of griding pipes into art and blending tobaccos to grace those works of art. Long ago, the Pundit visited the old Cornell&Diehl blending area when the company was located in Morganton, N.C. Small quarters then, which later had to be enlarged. And enlarged again. Then as history rolled on, C&D joined Laudisi Enterprises company (aka Smokingpipes.com) in 2014 in Longs, S.C., and quickly outgrew that blending and production area. And, yes, the kit and caboodle had to move into larger digs to satisfy supply and demand for those lovely tobaccos in creative tin art. Laudisi Enterprises, by the way, has a network of shops in it’s A-Z distribution tobacco and cigar shops across the nation. Just so you know. Ahem. Jeremy Reeves, C&D’s head blender and tobacco maestro, says the sky’s the limit, maybe even the stratosphere and beyond. The company, he says, “will continue growing as long as pipe smokers want our products. We keep trying to find our limits.” With C&D’s Small Batch production with uniquely sourced tobaccos, there isn’t likely to be a retraction of growth. Just sayin.’ Take, for example, Jeremy’s and C&D’s latest Small Batch, Steamworks Small Batch, released on Aug. 22, and sold out within hours, if not minutes. Little wonder. The Smokingpipes.com website defines it as a “unique Virginia/Oriental/Perique flake (that) utilizes two proprietary stoving processes and some of the rarest tobacco varietals in the world. “A study in flue-cured leaf, Steamworks presents six top-tier, Old Belt Virginia grades — ranging from dark Mahogany to brighter Lemon/Orange — in unstoved, partially steamed, and blackened formats, resulting in a deep, natural sweetness and mature flavor right out of the tin. “Elevating that flue-cured foundation is a selection of exceptionally rare 2005 Black Sea Sokhoum, 2005 Izmir, and 2006 Katerini Oriental grades, as well as a modest portion of pure 31 Farms Perique — grown, harvested, and fermented at the Roussel family farm in St. James Parish.” Makes your mouth water, right? You had to be quick on the draw to nail this latest C&D Small Batch. It disappeared in a flash. Of course, your erstwhile Pundit was quick on the draw, doncha know! The Pundit works on the dictum given to him long ago by his first city editor, the beloved Arthur Cobb in Pensacola, Fla., at the old Pensacola News-Journal. “First in, last out.” That’s been a powerful journalistic engine driving the Pundit. So, snagged four tins, two to puff, and two to cellar. And now a Pipe Smoker of the Past: Billy Martin: Born on May 16, 1928, in Berkeley, Calif., and died on Dec. 25, 1989, in Johnson City, N.Y. Martin managed the New York Yankees five separate times between 1975 and 1988. In that span, he and the Yankees won the 1977 World Series title. And now from the Baseball Almanac, a Martin quote: “All I know is (as a Yankees Manager), I pass people on the street these days, and they don’t know whether to say hello or to say good-bye.” Martin’s choice of tobacco, as most know, was Captain Black. He even made television commercials and magazine advertising for the blend. So, it is somehow fitting that we end this yarn with a couple of quotes from the great baseball Zen master, Yogi Berra. His baseball records are still in play for today’s sluggers. Yogi played as a youngster for the famed New York Yankees (please, hold the boos), managed them for a while, and even did a stint managing crosstown rival, New York Mets. My two favorite Yogisms: When you come to a fork in the road, take it. And one of his most inciteful philosophical thoughts for all times: You can observe a lot by watching.
You have to wonder how many tobacco reviews are written extolling the different flavors found by virtue of the power of suggestion. I have a good chuckle when I read reviews and they all sound like they were written by the same person or by people who said, “Wait! I didn’t taste the White Chocolate orange marmalade but I better agree to it because I don’t want to sound like a noobie.”
I can’t help but wonder how reviewers come up with the descriptions that they do.
But I guess I’m not as skilled in my tastes as they are.
After all is said and done, the blend either tastes good and enjoyable or it’s not.
To each his own and the search for that special blend continues.
Reviewing is always a neat trick. If you get too fanciful, you lose touch with the subject. If you write too dryly, it’s just not engaging. I think giving a review a strong factual base, telling what you know about the blend, is important. Then, at the opportune place in the review, if you can use the selected unexpected verb or image to depict the taste, smell, texture, or other characteristic of the blend, that can put the review across with a ring of authenticity. It’s always a balancing act. Hopefully many will appreciate the ring of truth, and always there will be those who think you are too boring to live, or are a jerk. But that’s the sport of reviewing.
I did a little research on taste and tasting before writing this piece. In tobacco and wine there are thousands of flavor compounds that people with a refined sense of taste can experience. Robert Parker, the famous wine critic is said to have a more refined sense of taste than anyone ever tested. It mostly has to do with your sense of smell. The “retro-hale” or aroma that travels from your mouth up into your nasal cavity where your olfactory bulb lies is fundamental in forming taste. Also, things you eat and drink before tasting a tobacco can have widely varying effects on the taste you experience and each person’s taste senses and preferences will differ. I just thought it would be fun to come up with some alternative tobaccos. As I said in the article, I hope the reviewers have a sense of humor!
There are some crazy pretentious reviews of anything and everything. Some beer reviews make my cry with how much nonsense is written within it. Seriously, bramble? Totally agree, sir.
But there are more than enough good reviews that this is just noise and a good laugh while you’re combing reviews for your next pipe tobacco, cigar, coffee, beer, liquor or wine.
Funny stuff.
Motor oil and freshly cleaned barn? He has obviously tried Condor!
Almost in the same league are menu writers at some restaurants! At this moment, I can’t think of a funny example; hope someone else can.
Thanks for a humorous and well written article. A tad curmudgeonly, but good fun.
Great article, I’ve always chuckled at some terms reviewers have used to.
I can really relate to this. Being a stout drinker myself, I tried a brew named: “Old Engine Oil”. The label was not a lie. At any rate, I do benefit from the reviews posted here and elsewhere, but all too often I do not get the same results when I smoke the blends. Taste is too subjective, and effected by the humidity, time of day, phases of the moon, etc. I love Dunhill EMP, but only in a corncob pipe. I also enjoy Missouri Meerschaum Country Gentleman, but only in briar. I do not like it in a cob. Go figure! If nothing else I enjoy the unintentional humor taken from the pretentiousness of some reviews. There is nothing like the taste of cedar and leather, and the wafting fragrance of PPG.
Very funny and in some cases “right on”. After reading some reviews I sometimes wonder “What the Hell is this guy trying to say?” The majority are good and helpful but some are sterling examples of that which you poke fun at. Let’s hope those guys read this.
Thank you, thank you. I’ve been trying to find names for some of my own blending experiences, and I think you just found labels for every batch.
I should send some, let you post the review here. (But then, I think you just did!)
Thanks for the great comments, everyone. This was a fun article to write.
Well said! Satire that truly comes home. Definitely a home run full of giggles.
Ah, one of the many never-ending debates! I find my bases covered by enjoying both coated and uncoated bowls for their own merits–problem solved. 🙂
And I posted the right comment to the wrong article. That’s what I get for binge-reading in multiple browser windows….
.
That said, I can certainly relate–often I’ll look back on a dated review and wonder just what the hell I was tasting back then! It can be trying to write and talk about the same, rather narrowly-focused, parameters of what tobacco smoke tastes like over the course of hundreds of published articles. Fortunately for me, I tend to review the good stuff, and it makes it easy to look for the little tastes that set one blend apart from another.
Speaking of, have you tried F&K’s Merde de Cheval tobacco? It’s right up your alley.